Hey everyone, now that we've all done the Christmas thing, let's share some funny holiday anecdotes to make each other's Christmases a little merrier, or at least seem merrier by comparison. I have a story that, even though it just happened today, which is not officially Christmas, is likely as amusing as my Christmas is going to get. Well, anyway, here it goes.

Today, I went to have a family gathering of most of, if not all of, my dad's extended family, and also an unofficial pre-Christmas. There's nothing I'd rather have, except maybe gonorrhea of the throat. Obviously, I don't like my dad's family very much. They are all arrogant, dull, annoying people who I can definetley go without seeing twice a year, even though I go there, smile, pretend to be happy, and try not to die. No occasion reminds me of why that is more than Christmas, and you're about to see why.

At the gathering, after our big, dull Christmas meal, where I have to watch all the adults laugh and drink wine up the wazoo for a long while, we all gathered under my grandma's tree to open presents we got for each other. Now, you have to understand, I don't expect the best presents from these guys, and I don't blame them. They don't really know me as much as I don't really know them. But the "presents" I received today were quite poor even by those standards. Most of the gifts offered were in the form of cash (wise choice), but here are the two presents from the two people who believed they knew my family well enough to not give cash.

My grandma got me socks. Black business socks.

My aunt got me a calendar. Entitled "365 Days of Duct Tape".

*cough* Yeah. Did I mention I don't like these people very much?

But hey, I guess the gifts aren't ALL bad. The black business socks make a fashion statement, and that statement is "Look at me, Mr. Trump!" And the calendar will come in handy when I get to the page "How To Duct-Tape Your Aunt To a Train".

Well, that's the story of my wonderful family gathering, and the amazing Christmas gifts I got. If my mom and dad tried to give me these things, I'd have to sue for emancipation.

Now, how about you guys? What stories do you have to share?

[This message was edited by Dan Gross on December 24, 2003 at 07:10 PM.]

That I wanted to make during my break from college but never got around to it...

A few years ago, my familys best friends and next door neighbors were all wrapping their presents a few days before Christmas.
Well they have three boys and the oldest one decided to pick on the youngest. First he wrapped up a log and gave it to his younger brother as an early christmas present. He was obviously disappointed when he found out it was a piece of firewood. After that the oldest, so impressed with his own first prank, stole one of his younger brothers shoes, wrapped it up and gave it to him. Same unamused reaction.
Anyway...the older brother was up in the attic looking for something else to wrap up to trick his little brother, when the youngest decided to return the favor.
He took a box into the bathroom, took a crap in it, wrapped it (stragely elabortly) and then presented it to his older brother.
He only had to rip back the first layer of paper before he knew what it was. He then beat the crap out of his little brother...

Another funny story from my family...

we have this homemade christmas ornament called the snowman...it's one of those ugly things that the parent don't want you to put on the tree because it's oversized and concived by the mind of six year old. Anyway...one year my parent wouldn't let us put it on the tree so my brother and I constructed 7 foot exact replica of the ornament and gave it to my dad...

thats all for now.....Marry Christmas all

i got a wide angle lens

Not so much funny as it is cool eh?

I dropped the Christmas tree on my sister when she was 9 months old. I killed her.



Ok, so I'm kidding about her being killed.

-TacoWagonProductions

"she said she loved me then i put it in her butt" -RebirthofCool

i woke up this morning with no heat. no. heat. none at all. it was frickin freezing. in fact, it still is. good thing i opened all the goods on christmas eve.

if youre looking for a witty signature, youre looking in the wrong place.