I have begun writing a script for a new short that I will be doing. It's based on a story written by J.G. Ballard. Here is the synopsis:

"Roger is finishing his breakfast and waiting for the windowshield to defog when he decides that he is fed up with the boring business life that he leads. He is sick of the world and it's materiality. So, with briefcase in hand and fingers on the doorknob, he stops....and decides that he will not leave his house.....ever. He cuts off his ties with the world, burns all his mail, disconnects the tv and phone line. All he's got is the supply of food in the closet and when that runs out, he's all alone. And the car is still running in the driveway."

I need some feedback on how it sounds. Does it sound interesting? Does it sound like something you'd want to watch?

Not really. It sounds like watching a really unpleasant mid-life crisis, and I don't know who would want to watch that. And by "that", I mean watching this poor schmuck suffer from a stupid choice he frivolously made, and seeing him either starve to death or be dealt a crushing disappointment when he realizes he just can't do it. There's no payoff, no lasting interest, nothing that makes you want to keep watching this guy slowly degenerate in his house. It's like sadism, voyeurism, whatever you want to call it, when you think about it. And besides, it's already been done...try reading Jon Krakauer's "Into The Wild" for a good, true-life soul searching story that has nothing to do with mid-life crisises.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Dan Gross,

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dan Gross:
Not really. It sounds like watching a really unpleasant mid-life crisis, and I don't know who would want to watch that. And by "that", I mean watching this poor schmuck suffer from a stupid choice he frivolously made, and seeing him either starve to death or be dealt a crushing disappointment when he realizes he just can't do it. There's no payoff, no lasting interest, nothing that makes you want to keep watching this guy slowly degenerate in his house. It's like sadism, voyeurism, whatever you want to call it, when you think about it.

---

And yet, "About Schmidt" was a sucessful film.

I think it has potential but you have a VERY small window of opportunity to show why he is fed up. The opening is short yet we need to see him miserable enough that we on some level understand his choice. The thing that springs to mind for me is how it could seem like an eternity to him but actually all happen in a short span of time. Instead of a clock or calender you can just keep cutting back to the gas gauge as it slowly dwindles. Like he could catalog and take note of all his food, assorting it and such, then have consummed most of it all in the same morning. He could span the gammet of emotion in a couple hours... and maybe still have enough time to get in his car and JUST make it to work. My two cents.
R. Michael

Well, the short story it's based on (the writer is the guy who wrote the book "Empire of the Sun" which spielberg made into a movie) is actually really good and really interesting. A lot of crazy, weird things happen. But I don't want to give those away when I put it on studentfilms.com. If you want to check it out yourself however, the story is called "The Enormous Space" and it's in his book "War Fever".

I can see how it could be boring, but if you knew the whole picture, you'd probably have a better liking to it.

It sounds like it has a lot of possibilities for both drama, comedy and (maybe?) tragedy. I'd say go for it. It's definitely different! Good luck.