Hey all,

I've had a film on this site a while back called "Prognosis: Postal," and I've done other films such as dark comedies that has won awards. Anywho, I am looking for feedback on my new film "Unsent" which is a neo-noir type of pulp story. I am really in love with old film noir flicks so this is my big homage.

Let me know what you think it's at: http://www.postalpictures.com

Thank you!
- Eric

I haven't gotten a chance to watch the movie just yet, but I was reading your blog. Congrats on the Internship! How did you score that gig? I love Late Night.

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Originally posted by cobra_commander:
I haven't gotten a chance to watch the movie just yet, but I was reading your blog. Congrats on the Internship! How did you score that gig? I love Late Night.

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I mailed in a resume of mine to them and they called me back regarding an internship. I had worked a lot as a PA in film (including a feature film) and am a junior in college with a 3.44 GPA. I guess it looks favorable.

I went up to the studio and had an interview. I assume it must have gone well. I dressed nice, was polite, and didn't freak out like an insane fan (even though I am one) when I saw the studio and the whole place.

It will be great but it is long hours and I have a decent sized commute to do 3 times a week. Thanks for your interest!

Eric, I thought your concept was interesting and I share your fascination with the noir genre. The camera work and lighting were both fairly strong. The main problems were in the script, which fell into a lot of dialogue clichès. I realize your targeted genre is somewhat stylized, but your dialogue can still come from fully developed characters instead of overused phrasing.
The end credits was a nice idea but it could have been differently lit and/or angled to make the print more legible.
It's a good effort overall and would be worth submitting to this site.

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Originally posted by GNHoward:
Eric, I thought your concept was interesting and I share your fascination with the noir genre. The camera work and lighting were both fairly strong. The main problems were in the script, which fell into a lot of dialogue clichès. I realize your targeted genre is somewhat stylized, but your dialogue can still come from fully developed characters instead of overused phrasing.
The end credits was a nice idea but it could have been differently lit and/or angled to make the print more legible.
It's a good effort overall and would be worth submitting to this site.

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What were some of the dialogue cliches? I am just curious, but I like "stylized dialogue." Also, there's no real way I can change the script at this point.

The end credits look much better on a TV or large screen and not shrunk down to a quicktime file, but thanks for the tips.

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What were some of the dialogue cliches? I am just curious, but I like "stylized dialogue." Also, there's no real way I can change the script at this point.

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For instance, it seemed awkward for the woman to yell "Farewell" as Frank walked away. It also felt too easy to have the husband enter saying, "Honey, I'm home," or to comment about her bridge club. It just feels like too much of a clichè that the bored housewife would have her bridge club and the like. This is just my opinion, of course, and it may be a matter of taste. I realize you can't change the script at this point; I'm simply offering feedback as you requested.

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Originally posted by GNHoward:

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What were some of the dialogue cliches? I am just curious, but I like "stylized dialogue." Also, there's no real way I can change the script at this point.

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For instance, it seemed awkward for the woman to yell "Farewell" as Frank walked away. It also felt too easy to have the husband enter saying, "Honey, I'm home," or to comment about her bridge club. It just feels like too much of a clichè that the bored housewife would have her bridge club and the like. This is just my opinion, of course, and it may be a matter of taste. I realize you can't change the script at this point; I'm simply offering feedback as you requested.

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I'm not offended and I value the feedback so please don't think I'm getting defensive when I explain why do I certain things. It was "So long," I believe and I wrote that in there because she sort of wants to talk to men as much as possible, I suppose? Let's just say she took a shine to him. "Bridge club," I find funny, I don't think she has her bridge club and the like, I was trying to portray the husband as completely oblivious. There probably is no bridge club, maybe she goes somewhere else, I don't know. Food for thought, perhaps. Thanks again.