I've been throwing an idea for a script together recently. It's somewhat of a modern Eraserhead, but less dark and more based on the main character and his isolation from the society surrounding him. This idea sort of developed from this song I heard, "This Place Is A Prison" by The Postal Service, and some earlier ideas I was playing around with. The song however sort of suits the type of feel I'm going for in the script.

Anyway, I've put together the introduction, and I have a really great idea for the end (I thought up the end earlier on when I was working on this script since before I was writing this social commentary esque script about a teenager who thought he was an alien, but I had no idea how to end it properly), the problem is I can't figure out how to get the main character from the beginning to the end. I can't figure out exactly what would get the main character to change himself to become the person he is at the end. It sounds wierd the way I'm summerizing it right now, but I'mma post what I've written so far and explain later.

The boards will probably squish up and align some of the dialouge but if you can, try to bear with it. :/

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EXT. DESERT - DAYBREAK

Camera looks up at the sky. It slowly dollies downwards to reveal a small BOY. He stands still, head aimed upwards. He squints from the light.

Camera continues pulling downwards; now revealing that he is on the edge of a cliff. His arms open, as if he’s a bird about to fly. He takes a step forward, without emotion, and falls forward off the edge.

CUT to front view of the boy as he steps off. The camera keeps the boy in focus.

Time slows down. WIND kicks up. He keeps falling. The moment before he hits the rocks lining the bottom of the cliff we CUT TO BLACK. He LANDS on the rocks below.

CUT TO:


EXT. CITY STREET – MORNING

The CITY’S IN MOVEMENT. The SOUNDS of the street are a contrast to the silence of the scene before.

Camera looks upwards towards a BUISINESS WOMAN.


She turns and faces the camera. The clouds in the sky move beyond her head.

She’s surprised. Confused. She walks closer to the camera. She examines us.

CUT to a wide shot of the street. Shadows covering half the street are cast by the buildings raised above it. The woman stands in the light, looking down at the corpse of an OLD BUM.

She’s puzzled; he just appeared out of nowhere. His body collapsed on the ground defies any of her logical reasoning. She looks towards others walking past her, looking for them to tell her what to do.

Everyone continues walking. She takes to their example and walks away, unnerved. She doesn’t look back, but quickly returns to her normal affairs, as if she never saw anything out of the ordinary.


INT. SEEDY APARTMENT, BEDROOM - MORNING

The morning sun, shining its orange rays of light at us, warming us. Camera pulls back to reveal a window. Then pulls back more.
The silhouette of a MAN sitting on his bed, looking down at the floor.

He looks out the window, up towards the sun. He smiles warmly. This is BIRTH, late twenties.

He enjoys the sun for a few moments, then looks away, staring at nothing in particular, thinking. He gets up.

Camera follows Birth as he walks through his apartment to the bathroom.

Camera wonders off Birth a few times to emphasize certain objects which characterize Birth nicely:

A desk, a type writer stands on top, letting off a commanding presence. Ruffled papers scattered around it.

A surrealist painting portraying a man in a suit walking through a white door covered in vines and flowers. Doorway leads to a night sky speckled of golden clouds and white stars.

A makeshift library made out of his kitchen cupboards, filled with untitled books and magazine covers.

Camera moves back to Births briefcase, then to Birth, fully dressed in a suit. He walks towards the front door.


INT. HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS

BIRTHS POV:
Turning to the left: the hallway gradually turn dark and blue; the shiny outline of a large door at the end visible.

Turning to the right: an open pair of metal doors. Sunlight shines into the apartment building.

Birth steps back in.

INT. BIRTHS APARTMENT – CONTINUOUS

Birth grabs a set of keys and his briefcase. He turns back to the door. He walks through.

Birth turns around and shuts the door.


INT. HALLWAY – CONTINUOUS

He takes a key and locks the door. He pockets the keys and turns around.

Birth walks towards the open doors at the end of the hall. He stops and turns his head looking back.

Camera moves in towards the opposite hall, the dark door looming on the far end. It threatens by its mere presence.

Birth stares at the door in puzzled wonder.

Birth bites his lip and turns around. He walks towards the open doors on the other end of the hall.

FADE TO WHITE as Birth steps outside.


EXT. CITY STREETS – DAY

Camera watches from far away. Occasional CLOSE UPs of Births face and hands.

Birth walks down a sidewalk, briefcase at his side, hat on his head.


INT. METROTRAIN – DAY

Birth watches the moving landscape.

Shadows flash past Births face. Hold shot.


EXT. CORPORATE BUILDING, FRONT – DAY

WIDE SHOT of a tall building.

Birth walking into the rotating glass front doors.


INT. CORPORATE BUILDING, LOBBY – CONTINUOUS

Birth walks through the lobby. He steps into an elevator.

FADE TO WHITE as doors slide shut.


INT. BIG OFFICE, BIRTHS CUBICAL – DAY

Birth sits in front of a computer.

He looks into a book of graphs and types in data.

CHATTER in background.

Birth turns around in his chair.

BIRTHS POV:
A MAN (50s) and a WOMAN (mid 20s) talk. The conversation is mute. The woman shakes her head in agreement.

Birth stares. He turns towards his computer, day dreaming.


INT. RECREATION ROOM – LATER

Birth stands in front of two vending machines. He browses through the glass cases.

The woman walks to the second vending machine.

Birth looks up. Birth and the woman share a look. Birth turns to his machine quickly.

Small beat.

He turns back to her. He smiles.

BIRTH
Hey.

The woman turns to Birth.

WOMAN
Hi.

BIRTH
I’m Birth.

Birth holds out his hand. The woman takes it.

WOMAN
(smiling)
I’m Amy.

Birth turns to his machine. Amy turns to hers.

BIRTH
I saw you talking to the boss.
So you’re new?

AMY
Yeah. I just started today.

BIRTH
What’d you do before you came here?

AMY
Oh, same thing, different city. I’m
from upstate.

BIRTH
Oh yeah? What made you come down
here?

Amy looks down.
AMY
I’m not sure. I wanted to go
somewhere new. Know what I mean?

BIRTH
Oh well I don’t know how much
different downstate is from upstate.

AMY
(laughing a bit)
You’re right, it isn’t much
different at all.

BIRTH
Well, you can meet new people.

AMY
Yeah, that’s always a good thing.

BIRTH
Yeah.

Beat.

Birth turns back to his machine and orders. He kneels down and grabs them. He looks up.

BIRTH
I’ll see you around, Amy.

Amy smiles in agreement. Birth turns around.

CLOSE UP on Births face as he walks away, he looks down and smiles gently, his eyes shining like a child.


INT. BIG OFFICE, BIRTHS CUBICAL – LATER

Birth works.

He stops. He stretches his arms out. He holds the back of his head and leans back.

BIRTHS POV:
Cheap tiles on the ceiling.

Birth day dreams. He looks around.

BIRTHS POV:
Blue collar workers going about their jobs. They walk to and fro. Camera pans across the room. Another MAN, laid back exactly as Birth is, almost mimicking Birth. The man finds Birth. He shakes his head.

Birth shakes his head in response.

Birth turns back to his work. He’s happy.


INT. CORPORATE BUILDING, LOBBY – DUSK

Reoccurring shot of the elevator Birth entered before. The doors slide open. Birth walks out.


EXT. CORPORATE BUILDING – CONTINUOUS

WIDE SHOT.

Orange light from the sun expands shadows over the people populating the streets.

Birth exits the building walks down the sidewalk.


INT. METROTRAIN – DUSK

Birth is looks out the window.

BIRTHS POV:
Buildings pass by. A sunset spreads across the sky.


EXT. CITY STREET – DUSK

Births walk to his apartment building.


INT. HALLWAY – DUSK

Birth walks down the hallway.

CUT TO:

EXT. DESERT – THAT MOMENT

SOUND continues as if we never cut from the previous scene.

Camera points at the desert boy. He is sits on the ground looking down.

Camera pulls down to reveal a green sprout, just emerging from the dirt.


INT. HALLWAY – THAT MOMENT

Birth juggles with keys. He grabs one and slides it into the key hole.

He opens the door. Walks in. Shuts it.
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Now I'll try to explain what some of the stuff in the script actually means so you could help me:

DESERT = Hmmmmm, this is sort of like how Birth's SOUL is connected with his BODY. Think of the desert as Birth, and the boy as Birth's soul. The soul is under unlivable circumstances at the beginning, the soul's unhappy. As the movie goes on, I plan for Birth to connect with his soul's needs and slowly isolate from influences from mainstream society (false happiness, like money, fame, etc), so in turn, the desert eventual becomes a vast jungle, some sort of Garden Of Eden where Birth is invited to stay.

That's where I need to get Birth. I need something to help Birth realize that his soul is unhappy and he doesn't need society and it's influences to tell him what makes him happy. So far I figured it would be really fun to have Birth make friends with a cockroach (something that society itself would be appalled at, in a sense the DIRT which society doesn't want), furthering himself from "normal" society. But that's it.

I plan for the Amy to be some sort of a (non cliche, hopefully) romance for Birth, a belief of pure friendship or love. A need for his soul.

HALLWAY = The hallway are the ends of, hmmmm, I don't know. The light end is the false way, the way to society and it's influences and "false happiness." The dark end is the end shunned by society, the place where society doesn't shed light, things like true friendship and true love. It's the true happiness for Birth.

I plan the end of the movie to have Birth, wise from experience, to finally travel down to the dark end of the hallway and open the door, walking into the Garden Of Eden that the desert developed into. I plan for the painting in his house to mimic this movement, you see the man in the painting open the door and walk through instead of Birth actually walking through. He'll probably take Amy with him, not actual Amy mind you, but a reminder that he still needs social interaction to survive.

THE DEAD BUM = This is supposed to sort of like the Boy in the Desert, it's Birth's caring towards his soul. As the movie goes on more and more people notice the dead bum (Birth begans to notice his souls true needs and struggles to make his soul happy), and at the end the bum recieves a grand funeral that could light a candle to the Popes, everyone crying and loving the dead bum.

So what I want are some ideas, something drastic that could happen to someone that would set Birth walking down the path to this ending I've planned out, know what I mean?

If anyone could help me out it'd be really cool.

wow..you've got some great ideas there. the script you've written so far was also very good. this sounds like a movie that could be watched over and over again..to glean deeper meaning from.

as far as ideas for something drastic to happen...hmmmm...

how about just boredom and ennui with living his comfortable corporate lifestyle?
he's just going along living his life...exactly the same from day to day. so what if something/someone were to open his eyes to the fact that he's not really living life at all...he's just a robot because society has made him that way, by telling him that having a corporate job and a comfortable apartment are what he needs to be happy when in reality he has to decide for himself what makes him happy.

i don't know if that helped at all, but those are just my thoughts on the concept.

Actually, that's great. I never really thought of that it. In my head I always assumed he had money, but didn't really care to spend it, but what you said would totally work if I set it to some crazy surreal imagery.

Thanks a lot.

good ideas so far bro, I have a feeling you have a GREAT eye for cinematography.

i dig the cockroach idea, thats kinda creepy. just make the cockroach be like something he sees everynight at diner, and sorta exposes his true self too, and he doesn't have to worry about being judged by the roach, and he can maybe slip the roach some table scraps or something. then that chick can come into play and sorta help him overcome his robotic life, maybe she can introduce him to LSD or something and they can trip out and he realizes that his whole life he has been held from what he's been wanting to do.

remember this; you need to learn to love yourself before you can love others.

toke on.

When I pictured the roach in my head I thought of it more as something that's there. Birth sees it every once in a while and sees what it does. Eventually he builds some sort of relationship with the roach, a non verbal one. Birth sees the roach and "hangs out" with it.

I figure maybe the roach dissapears at one point and Birth gets overly pissed or something.

In other news, the script now contains a dance club called Club Zombie which, approppriaty enough is filled with dancing zombies, an over the top philosophical cowboy which tries to sell the meaning of life to Birth, and a guy named Terry who thinks he's an alien. Class.

^^Now THAT [censored by site admin] tripping. I bet you'd dig talking to roaches. XD.

[watch your language on posts please]

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