it's a second draft...so i KNOW it's not perfect. please let me know what you think, what works, what doesn't work...any of your thoughts would be greatly appreaciated.



working title: Danny's Puzzle

INT. - HOSPITAL ROOM - EARLY EVENING

DANNY, a patient in his mid 20s, sits in his bed. His parents are there visiting him. They are well dressed as though they were briefly stopping by before going out for the evening. The room appears gloomy and desolate.

There is awkward silence as Danny looks at his parents. They both look at each other and at the floor.

His father finally speaks, cheerfully trying to break the awkward silence that plagues them every time they visit their son in the hospital.

DANNY’S FATHER
Well, nice to see you...as always, son. Nice...seeing you.

Danny’s mother smiles weakly at him as though she still does not know how to handle him being in and out of the hospital after many years.

Danny manages a weak smile and nod as his parents leave the room, this has been the routine occurrence for most of his young life.

CUT TO:

MURIEL, a sickly, yet cheerful patient in her 70s, sits in her bed. Her granddaughter ELIZABETH, in her 20s, is there visiting her. She is dressed in hospital scrubs and has been there for over an hour. The room is bright with flowers and get well cards abound. Elizabeth is tending to a vase of flowers.

MURIEL
You have time for the puzzles today? Just a few minutes, you won’t be too late for work.

ELIZABETH
Not today, Grandma. I hardly ever make it to work on time as it is, you know that.

Muriel smiles in spite of herself. Elizabeth sighs happily as visiting and spending time with her grandmother is a labor of love, even though it often makes her late for work. She sets down the pitcher she was watering the flowers with and starts gathering her coat, bag and umbrella.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 2

ELIZABETH
(cont’d)
How about I at least walk you to the puzzles?

Muriel starts getting up out of bed, her feet fishing for her slippers on the floor.

MURIEL
Let’s get going before the nurse comes in with my sleeping pill.

ELIZABETH
Yes, ma’am!

Elizabeth holds onto Muriel’s arm as she stands up.

CUT TO:

INT. -HOSPITAL WAITING AREA- MINUTES LATER

Danny sits at a table with a partially finished puzzle, the pieces scattered recklessly. He is putting some pieces together.

Muriel and Elizabeth walk into the room together. They notice Danny at the puzzle table.

ELIZABETH
Looks like you’ll have some company, Grandma.
Muriel smiles with deep understanding.

MURIEL
Dear, you have no idea... You SURE you can’t stay and do the puzzle with me...or rather, US...this evening? He’s kinda cute, don’t you think?

Elizabeth laughs to herself and smiles as she is unable to disagree with her grandmother.

ELIZABETH
Grandma! I, uh...work. I need to get going. I’ll see you tomorrow.

Elizabeth gives Muriel a hug and a kiss on the cheek.



(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 3

MURIEL
Stop by anytime, I’m always home!

ELIZABETH
Love you, grandma. Bye.

They hug again. Muriel sits down and smiles warmly at Danny in greeting. Danny’s gaze follows Elizabeth’s exit.

MURIEL
Lovely weather today, don’t you think?

Danny looks at Muriel, trying not to smile too much.

DANNY
It rains everyday, you know that! Why do you think I spend some much of my time here?

Danny and Muriel continue working on the puzzle together in silence. Muriel breaks the silence.

MURIEL
You have to finish this puzzle. I think maybe you’ll feel a lil’ better once you get started on the next one.

Muriel continues working on puzzle, smiling to herself and humming happily. She’s putting the pieces together as if by instinct and intuition.
DANNY
You’ve done this one before?

MURIEL
Sure I have, with some help from my granddaughter.

Muriel pauses her work on the puzzle for a moment to reflect on how dear her granddaughter is.

MURIEL
(cont’d)
Can’t do this alone...this is one of the most challenging puzzles on the shelf. Finish this one, the rest will follow easily.

Danny looks intently over to the stack of puzzles on a nearby shelf.


(CONTINUED)CONTINUED: 4

DANNY
Wonderful. Which one is the NEXT one? I don’t see any labels. Is there some sort of manual I can consult here?

Muriel looks at him with light amusement.

MURIEL
I can’t help you that much.

DANNY
Muriel, no one here can...or does! Thanks.

Danny pushes his chair back away from the table as he is ready to go back to his room for the night.

MURIEL
Danny...not in the form that you would like them to, not now anyways.

DANNY
Story of my life. ...Well, I’d like to stay and talk more of our puzzle talk but it’s almost time for the hottie nurse of the night shift to come in and give me the bed time special.

Muriel chortles, shaking her finger at Danny.

MURIEL
You be nice to that nurse!

Danny smiles mischievously and winks.

DANNY
I won’t give her too much trouble...tonight.

Muriel gives Danny a stern expression.

MURIEL
Good night!

DANNY
‘Night, Muriel.



(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 5

Danny leaves the room. Muriel takes a piece of paper, a train ticket, out of her bathrobe pocket. She smiles and closes her eyes peacefully.

FADE TO BLACK.

INT. -TRAIN STATION TERMINAL- DAY

Danny is walking through the busy terminal in his pajamas and bathrobe with an apparently heavy suitcase. He’s in a panic as he is lost and has no idea how/why he got there or what is in the suitcase. It’s as though being outside the safe confines of the hospital is the scariest thing in the world to him.

Muriel is happy and patiently sitting in the waiting area of the terminal with no luggage nearby. She is dressed in casual “civilian” clothing and no longer looks sickly.

Danny spots her. His look of panic changes to that of relief. He walks over to sit with her, dragging the suitcase behind him.

DANNY
Ah, Muriel! So glad to see you!

Muriel smiles as Danny sits down.

MURIEL
So nice of you to come here and see me off before I leave for home. I’ve had quite the long wait for this trip, you know.

DANNY
This must be your bag then. It’s quite heavy, woman! What did you pack?

MURIEL
No need for me to have packed anything. That’s your bag, not mine.

Danny checks the I.D. tag on the suitcase. He sees that it has his name on it. He pats his bathrobe pocket, discovering a set of keys and unlocks the lock on the suitcase, unzipping it. The suitcase is filled with boxes of puzzles. Danny flips through the boxes, studying them. He looks up at Muriel.

DANNY
Where are we going? I mean...you said, “Before I leave.”

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED: 6

Muriel takes Danny’s hands into hers.
MURIEL
Danny...you can’t board the train with that baggage, it weighs WAY too much to come aboard. You’re also forgetting that you don’t have a ticket, not yet anyways...not until you’re AT LEAST my age.

Danny gently squeezes Muriel’s hands and lets go of them. He takes a solemn breath and nods.

DANNY
I understand.

He zips the suitcase back up, but doesn’t lock the lock back up. He is almost speechless as he believes he’s just received a truly meaningful gift.

DANNY
(cont’d)
Muriel...I...I’m really going to miss you...a lot. I don’t know how I’m going to do these alone, but thank you so much for everything.

Muriel smiles affectionately with light laughter.

MURIEL
Danny, Danny...you don’t have to do these alone...

She pauses a moment, barely able to contain her laughter.

MURIEL
(cont’d)
Why...Why don’t you ask that so-called hottie nurse from the night shift to do those puzzles with you? She’d really appreciate your friendship, with her grandmother being gone and all.

Danny is stunned into silence upon hearing this.

MURIEL
(cont’d)
Well, my train is going to be leaving in a few minutes. I gotta get to the platform...I’ve waited long enough for this and I’ll be damned if I don’t get a window seat.

She leans over and gives him a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 7

DANNY
Bye, Muriel.

Muriel releases him from the hug and stands up.

MURIEL
Good-bye, Danny. You be good! Listen to that nurse, you hear?

Danny laughs to himself, shaking his head in disbelief as his gaze follows Muriel’s exit.

FADE TO BLACK.

INT. -HOSPITAL WAITING AREA- THE NEXT MORNING

Danny is sitting at the table working on the puzzle, relaxed. The puzzle pieces are not so scattered on the table as they were the evening before.

He happens to look up from his work just as Elizabeth walks by the door way. She is casually dressed and her face is tear stained. Danny gets up as fast as he can to flag her down.

DANNY
Excuse me, nurse?

ELIZABETH
Yes...May I help you?

DANNY
I know you’re not on duty, believe me I KNOW these aren’t your usual hours...but, do you have time for the puzzles today? If only just for a few minutes?

Elizabeth smiles almost painfully and nods happily.

ELIZABETH
I’d like that.

CUT TO:

Danny and Elizabeth sit at the puzzle table. There is a third party sitting at the table smiling with accomplishment, watching her friend and granddaughter put the puzzle together.

FINAL FADE TO BLACK.

A little confusing... Did Muriel die? Also, I didnt care for this line. It doesnt sound right:

DANNY’S FATHER
Well, nice to see you...as always, son. Nice...seeing you.

In this line, maybe you shoudl mention the name "Danny" somewhere because the title is "Danny's Puzzle" and the name "Danny doesnt come up until about 3/4 of the way through the script. The audience might be confused about who "Danny" is. Just a suggestion.

The words "hottie nurse" just dont seem realistic and kind of corny. I would substitute them with something else.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: braininabox,

brain...thank you for your time and helpful comments.

i gotta say...your icon...i have that classic jack face as a magnet on my refridgerator! gotta love it!

anyways...
yes, muriel died. i didn't want to make it real obvious. for example: have elizabeth say to danny the next day, "i'm here off duty cuz my grandmother passed away last night." not cool, at least not in my opinion. besides, this film is a reflection of my own ideas and beliefs about the afterlife.
the very last part i want to shoot it by shooting danny and elizabeth sitting at the table working on the puzzle...THEN keep the camera in the EXACT SAME position and just shoot muriel sitting there by herself. in editing, i'll simply put the clip of danny and elizabeth on v1 and the clip of muriel over it on v2, bringing down the opacity of the muriel clip so that she appears ghost-like.
would that clear up the confusion if seen in the finished film?

i'll work on the "hottie nurse" line...sorry, i'm female and i don't exactly know what a guy would say realistically... would "the cute nurse" be more realistic than, or at least not as corny as, saying "the hottie nurse"?

as for mentioning danny's name in the first scene...i can't believe i didn't catch that! easily fixed.

thanks again for your feedback!

anyone else...please post your comments should you take the time to read this!

I was just saying that "hottie" is a noun and not an adjective, so it doesnt doesnt make sense when you say "hottie nurse". "Cute nurse" works fine because "cute" is an adjective.

An idea to help clear up the confusion...
In the last scene, Danny is sitting alone at the table working the puzzle. No one is sitting with him. Some nurse walks by, but you dont see her face. Danny asks her to sit down and work the puzzle with him. She agrees and sits down, but you still have not seen her face. Cut to an over the shoulder shot of Elizabeth who is sitting across from Danny. Danny asks the nurse why she is at the hospital outside of her shift. Elizabeth says there was a family death. Cut to a wide shot showing Danny, Elizabeth, and Muriel all sitting at the table.

Its just a suggestion... you can do with it whatever you want.