ok, so i constructed this story that i like to shoot next month, but its a lil too sad, i want there to be happy moments but i wouldnt know where they would fall..anyways..read the plot, im open for critcizm, and especially SUGESTIONS to what you guys might add to the story:
PLOT: a middle aged man, working a boring office job, we see his life going by as he is workin, one day he calls someone, that someone apparently is his wife..a man answers, then his wife talks to him, from the discussion we know that they got seperated b.c of money issues, and the main character wants to see his daughter, but his wife hangs up. Later on we see the daughter sends letters to her father, telling her about life, etc. He sees this little girl at the mall, asking him to open this potato chips bag, but her mom comes and the main character is happy to help the girl..he watches the mother, the girl and the dad happy..that sadens him. One day, as time went by and he grew old, his wife calls and tells him to come to the hospital, his daughter has got into an accident, and that will be the first time hee will see her since 20 years. SHe wants to see him so bad b.c she found out she wont live long. He is devistated to know that she is dying, and he wished he wouldve been more with her. --------------------------------------
idk what to add or how to end the story..what do u guys suggest>?
I would suggest that you have a final meeting between the father and daughter where they resolve their issues and become close again. Then you can decide if she passes away peacefully of shepulls through thanks to the love of her father.
Posts: 45 | Location: Nevada | Registered: January 18, 2005
or.... pull a crazy plot twist and have the dyeing daughter save her father's life in some unexpected disaster. a sacrifice, like george mason flying the plane with the nuke in 24, cause he was dyeing anyway.
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Posts: 5197 | Location: Tisch at New York University | Registered: June 03, 2003
I like the premise so far. I personally think you should add a twist (once again, this suggestion is based on my personal aethetic style) that the daughter should in fact, not be his daughter at all, and all his life's motivation was based on something fake...(eh, that seems too much like Matchstick Men) ...but I would like to see a twist of some sort.
Originally posted by Trespasser: I like the premise so far. I personally think you should add a twist (once again, this suggestion is based on my personal aethetic style) that the daughter should in fact, not be his daughter at all, and all his life's motivation was based on something fake...(eh, that seems too much like Matchstick Men) ...but I would like to see a twist of some sort.
SO the daughter turns out to be the other guy's daughter who his wife left for...ok..i like that..its interesting..but later on wont that affect the depth of his sadness when she dies? and at wat point exactly should he find out?
I like this plot idea, but deffo have a meeting between the father and daughter before the accident.
In reality if I were that daughter, I'd have tracked down my real dad as soon as I was old enough, and unless the mother had force-fed me with lies, how would I know who was to blaime for the original break up?
Like someone else has mentioned, the overal sadness effect would also be doubled, especily if say both father and daughter had gotten close to each other before the accident.
Or maybe wen both father and daugher meet, they dont get on and they have a bust up and then the accident occars - or, get this - its the father that has the accident? and hes telling his life story to a daughter he hardly knows?
Posts: 142 | Location: Middlesbrough, England | Registered: September 02, 2004
Originally posted by bign2000: I like this plot idea, but deffo have a meeting between the father and daughter before the accident.
In reality if I were that daughter, I'd have tracked down my real dad as soon as I was old enough, and unless the mother had force-fed me with lies, how would I know who was to blaime for the original break up?
Like someone else has mentioned, the overal sadness effect would also be doubled, especily if say both father and daughter had gotten close to each other before the accident.
Or maybe wen both father and daugher meet, they dont get on and they have a bust up and then the accident occars - or, get this - its the father that has the accident? and hes telling his life story to a daughter he hardly knows?
i dont think the accident should be happening to the father, sounds cliche for some reason..idk..its better if the conflicts stay mainly with him, not switched..
i was thinkin today and came up with this how about the movie starts when he meets the daughter years later, and what i wrote in the begining we see as flashbacks of him explaining what happened
Maybe not a series of flashbacks, just one long flashback kinda thing. It worked in Big Fish... Usually though flashbacks don't work as well as showing the story as it happens, in my opinion.
I do like the idea of a twist though... something that will create one final exposition about the Father... something that we never suspected of him maybe.
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Posts: 16 | Location: Toronto,Canada | Registered: January 30, 2005
nothing is really happening to the father, him being sad one day, then 20 years later he gets a phone call, okay. well, why not just start the film when he gets the phone call 20 years later and he meets his daughter for the first time? what's the point of the rest of it?
and how long is this? 3-5 minutes?
oops, didn't read that one post you made. anyway, yea, forget the flashback stuff too, he's lonely. okay, we get it. i think the question you're trying to raise in this film is:
how do you make up for 20 years in 20 minutes?
so think about it. if you only had 20 minutes, what would you do to make up 20 years? celebrate all the birthdays in a second? give her all her x-mas presents you missed? give her a presentation on the life she missed?
Posts: 842 | Location: Oakland | Registered: January 13, 2004
Maybe the Father lost it wen he lost his daughter and ended up in jail for 20 years? Days dont differ much in jail so maybe he can recall how he ended up there?
Posts: 142 | Location: Middlesbrough, England | Registered: September 02, 2004
Originally posted by RFranco: nothing is really happening to the father, him being sad one day, then 20 years later he gets a phone call, okay. well, why not just start the film when he gets the phone call 20 years later and he meets his daughter for the first time? what's the point of the rest of it?
and how long is this? 3-5 minutes?
oops, didn't read that one post you made. anyway, yea, forget the flashback stuff too, he's lonely. okay, we get it. i think the question you're trying to raise in this film is:
how do you make up for 20 years in 20 minutes?
so think about it. if you only had 20 minutes, what would you do to make up 20 years? celebrate all the birthdays in a second? give her all her x-mas presents you missed? give her a presentation on the life she missed?
' hey franco, i was thinking that after the call, and he meets her, they talk and we see a flashback of what happened which is the begining of the story were we see how hard his financial situation is, how is wife forbidded him from seeing his daughter, etc.
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