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Welcome Garret  My best advice would be to avoid the most common clichés if you can; try to keep away from any characters or lines which are TOO corny. Try to think of some twists, and unexpected outcomes. Good luck! | PerryKroll.com | TRC | "If not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled." Wodehouse
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| Posts: 5197 | Location: Tisch at New York University | Registered: June 03, 2003 |    |
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Senior

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Yes. I lvoe this story. SO simple, but you can do so much with it. I've actually thought about doing it myself at times. I would suggest some unique things happening while they are standing there. Some simple ideas: One kids lunch falls out of the bottom of his lunch bag and his sandwhich falls in the dirt...Maybe have one of the guys hitting on one of the girls...Maybe have some jahova witness (did I spell that right?) lady walking by and trying to sell something to the little kids... Jsut some ideas for you to build on. Good luck.
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| Posts: 664 | Location: Highland Mills, New York | Registered: May 05, 2004 |    |
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Freshman

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as far as dialogue goes, try this: don't write the actual lines, write the intention of the line. instead of a kid named john saying "hey, what's up jane" write "john greets jane". that way the actor can improvise the line and make it sound more natural. if you want a specific line, like a witty comment or something, then write it. but for extra stuff keep it realistic.
----------------- "Wait a minute... I just got an idea..."
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| Posts: 95 | Location: NYC, baby. | Registered: March 11, 2004 |    |
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