This is what I was originally going to shoot this past winter, but plans changed, and I did One Step Ahead instead. Anyone want this script though? It's very good in my opinion. A lot of hard work was put into writing this. Tell me what you think, or if you'd be interested in it.



Sin, Soon Forgotten


Scene 1
Int. Kim’s Apartment

We scan through the room seeing various pictures of Kim and Kevin. A phone rings. Rings three more times, answering machine picks it up.

Kimberly
Hi, you've reached Kimberly, leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as possible, have a great day!
(Beep)

Kevin
Hello? Kimmy, hunny? Are you there? I tried you at work, call me as soon as you can. Love you. Bye.

We see a hand pick up the phone and hang it up as Kevin is saying Bye. Cut to black, roll some credits. Show logo.

Scene 2
Ext. City Street

We start out showing a guy walking down the street. He walks into a private investigator office.
Scene 3
Int. Private Investigator Office

The guy walks in, and he sees the receptionist.

Receptionist
Can I help you sir?

Kevin
Yes, my name is Kevin Gray; I am here to see a Mr. Noa.

Receptionist
Just a moment.
(She gets up and knocks on Noa’s office door, she peeks her head in, then comes back out)
Mr. Noa. Will see you now.

Kevin
Thank you.


Scene 4
Int. Noa’s Office

Kevin walks into office, and as he’s opening the door

Noa
Gets up from chair to shake Kevin’s hand
Daniel Noa, private investigator, nice to meet you.

Kevin
Same to you.
(A bit taken aback)

Noa
Motions to Jake
This is my partner, Jake Underwood.

Kevin
Nods

Jake
Nice to meet ya.

Noa
Now sitting in his chair again.
Have a seat.
Kevin sits.
Now, who is it you want us to spy on? Neighbor? Wife? Kids? Boss?
(Says this rather cavalier and mockingly)



Kevin
Pause, after Noa finishes his rant.
Actually, three months ago, my girlfriend
(Pause)
was murdered.

Noa
Did you go to the police?


Kevin
Yes, and they have been running in circles (Stands up, visibly angry) for the last three months! They sit around all day and get nothing done, they keep asking for more time; it’s a load of crap!

Noa
Calm down Mr. Gray. Now, I can’t guarantee we’ll find anything.

Kevin
What can you guarantee?

Noa
You must understand, murders aren’t solved overnight.

Kevin
I understand, but…

Noa
Also we don’t work cheap; this is going to cost you some money.
(Says this confident and cocky)

Kevin
Look, I can pay….

Jake
(Interjects)
Daniel, could I talk with you outside for a moment?

Noa
Sure Jake.

Scene 5
Int. Private Investigator Office

Jake and Noa get up and walk out of the room.

Jake
Daniel, are you out of your mind?

Noa
What?

Jake
He seems like a nice guy and I’d like to help him out but you know we’ve never investigated a murder before.

Noa
There is always a first time Jake, plus we could make some real money on this.

Jake
We don’t do this sort of thing Daniel.

Noa
Trust me Jake.

Jake
(Pause)
It’s your call.

Scene 6
Int. Noa’s Office

They both walk back into the room.

Noa
(To Kevin)
Calmed down?

Kevin
Yes, thanks.

Noa
Mr. Gray we’ve decided to take your case, now I am going to need some information, did the police find any trace evidence?
(Pulls out a notepad)

Kevin
Trace evidence?

Jake
Just tell us what you know.

Kevin
(possible flashbacks)
She was at my house and complained about feeling sick, so I drove her home. The next day, I called her at work, she wasn't there. The police found her body that afternoon. They said she was poisoned, but were not able to find anything. Ah! I hate talking about this, why did this happen to me!

Noa
Ok, relax, relax! Where did the police find the body?

Kevin
Her apartment.

Noa
Can you get us a list of your girlfriend’s friends and family?

Kevin
Anything you need, I just want to find whoever did this.

Noa
I’ll make a call to the department and get the case file.

Jake
We’ll do what we can Mr. Gray


Kevin
Please call me Kevin.
Gets up to leave.

Noa
Kevin it is
Smiles as he shakes Kevin’s hand
We’ll see you tomorrow.

Kevin
Thank you, and remember money is no object.
Opens the door, walks out.

Noa
(as Kevin closes the door)
I’ll remember that.

Jake
Seems like a nice guy.

Noa
Sure.



Scene 7
Ext. Kevin’s House

Car pulls up to the driveway, Jake is driving. Kevin’s Jaguar is parked in front.

Jake
No wonder this guy said money is no object.

Noa
No wonder he had a girlfriend.

Jake
What is that supposed to mean?

Noa
You figure it out.

Noa gets out immediately after saying this, and walk to the door. Both of the men are wearing sunglasses. Noa knocks on the door.
Kevin answers dressed casually.

Kevin
Mr. Noa, Mr. Underwood, come in.


Noa
Thanks.

Scene 8
Int. Kevin’s House

Noa and Jake walk through the door.

Jake
(Sees a picture of Kevin and Kim)
This is you and Kim?

Kevin
That is a picture of when we went on a trip to Europe, a couple months before she died.
(Gets emotional toward the end)

Noa
(Looks at picture closely, studying it)

Jake
She really loved you.


Kevin
She did.
(Motions to some couches, while switching subjects)
Please guys, have a seat. Would you like something to drink?

Noa
That would be nice.

Jake
Nice place you have here, what do you do?

Kevin
(As he is pouring drinks)
My father passed away three years ago and left me his company, Gray Incorporated.

Jake
I’ve heard of you. The largest supplier of microprocessors in the United States.

Kevin
(As he is handing drinks)
Yes, he was a great businessman…

Jake
Thanks.

Kevin
…and an amazing father.

Noa
(Interrupts)
Sorry to cut this enlightening conversation short, but do you have any information for us?

Kevin
Yes, let me get you something.
Walks out of the room.


Jake
Nice guy.

Noa
Yeah.



Kevin
(Walks back into room. A paper is in his hand)
This is a list of Kim’s friends.
(Hands it to Noa)
I hope this can help.

Noa
(Looking at paper)
This is a list of eight people. You’re telling me she only had eight friends.

Kevin
She was really busy with school and work; she didn’t have too much time for socializing and stuff.

Noa
(Sarcastic)
That makes our job easier.

Kevin
So, you’re….
Someone knocking on the door interrupts them.
Just a minute.

Scene 9
Int. Kevin’s House

Kevin
Gets up and answers the door. It is his best friend Scott.
Scott! Come in, the investigators just got here.

Scott
Walks in.

Kevin
Mr. Noa, Mr. Underwood, allow me to introduce my good friend, Scott Henderson.



Scott
How is the investigation going?


Noa
Well, technically, we just started today.


Scott
I see.

Kevin
Scott was with Kimmy when she died.

Noa
Really?

Scott
(He says this with a little sadness)
Yes, I was going over to her apartment to pick something up for Kevin. I knocked on her door a few times, when I didn't get an answer; I turned the handle to find it unlocked. Kim was lying on the floor, but by the time the ambulance got there, she was gone.

Jake
It must have been hard being there when she died.

Scott
Yes, it was!

Noa
(Turns to Kevin, seemingly ignoring Scott)
I need to know where your girlfriend worked. We’re going to need to interview her co-workers.

Kevin
(A bit ticked at Noa)
She worked at SP Live Productions, in the industrial center; she was a receptionist there.

Noa
Can we get the address?

Kevin
Leaves room.

Jake
So Scott, how long have you known Kevin.

Scott
(Says with a hint of sarcasm and joking)
Wow, we’ve been best friends for too long to remember, at least since the 5th grade.

Jake
What was he like?

Scott
He was such a geek, now look where he is. Life is an interesting circle.

Noa
It is indeed.

Kevin
Here’s the address and phone number.
(Hands to Jake)

Jake
Thanks, we’ll stop over there to investigate and get some interviews.

Kevin
(To Jake)
Thank you so much.

Noa
Well, we better get going.
Stands up, and Jake stands up.

Kevin
Call me if anything develops.
Shakes Noa’s hand.

Noa
Will do.

Scene 10
Investigation Montage

We show Jake and Noa looking for evidence at different locations. Interviewing people, co-workers, etc.

Scene 11
Int. Private Investigator Office

The clock reads 12 midnight. CU on clock.

Jake
Looking up from paperwork and evidence he is reading.
Daniel, we are getting nowhere fast. We have been interviewing and gathering evidence for weeks, and we still don’t have a single suspect!

Noa
I know! Don’t remind me!

Jake
We aren’t cut out for this.

Receptionist
(Walks in)
Jake, it’s late you need to go home.

Noa
Don’t wait up for us Sarah.

Receptionist
Ok, drive safe.
(She smiles at Jake)

Jake
We will, thanks.
(Smiles back)

Noa
Jake, what do you suggest we do?

Jake
Huh?
(Distracted)

Noa
What should we do about this case? It’s not in our league.

Jake
Tell Kevin the truth, we’ve never done this before, we do stupid little cases, spying on people, things like that. I want to help the guy out, but I don’t think we can.

Noa
You’re right, this is over our heads.

Jake
Let’s go home.

Noa
Let’s.

Scene 12
Int. Private Investigator Office

As Noa is about to close the door, the phone rings.

Jake
Who would call at this hour?

Noa
Better find out.
Picks up phone.
Hello?

Distorted Voice On Phone
Stop this investigation, or more people will die.

Noa
Who is this!

Distorted Voice On Phone
A friend.
Line goes dead.

Noa
Hello? Hello?

Jake
Who was it?

Noa
I don't know, it sounded like a threat.

Jake
We should go to Kevin’s place.

Noa
(Looks at watch)
No, it’s late, I need some sleep. We’ll go later.

Jake
Are you sure?

Noa
Yeah, first thing tomorrow morning.

Scene 13
Ext. Park

We see Kimberly running through the park, from a first-person view. She is smiling, and happy. She looks right into the camera.


Kimberly
I love you.
As she says this, her face becomes distorted and she melts.

Scene 14
Int. Kevin's House

Kevin wakes up in bed sweat streaming from his face.
He picks up a picture of her, and looks at it, he is crying. Kevin’s crying echoes to next scene.

Scene 15
Ext. Noa’s Balcony

We see Noa looking down at a picture in sadness. He then walks out to the balcony, and looks over the edge. Reverse angle(green screen) shows his house is on the ocean. Noa’s phone rings. He answers.

Noa
Hello?
Pause
I’ll be down in a moment.
Hangs up, looks at picture, then puts it down.
(Note: Shoot picture for flashback later)



Scene 16
Int. Jake’s Car

We see Noa walking to Jake’s car, he gets in.

Jake
You all right?

Noa
Yeah, just thinking about this case. We have a big job ahead of us.

Jake
No, something else is on your mind.

Noa
Megan.

Jake
I can tell, this…

Noa
(Interrupts)
But we have a job to do, so let’s do it.

Jake
Hey, if you want we can talk about it.

Noa
(Angrily)
I’m fine Jake, let’s go.



Scene 17
Ext. Kevin’s house

We see Scott drive up, and knock on the door, Kevin answers.

Scott
Morning.

Kevin
Want to go for a walk? I need to clear my mind.

Scott
Sure.

Scene 18
Ext. Kevin’s Hill

We see Kevin and Scott walking up the hill.

Kevin
I miss her.

Scott
Things happen Kevin; you could not have prevented it.


Kevin
I know, but I just wish I would have been able to tell her how much I loved her.

Scott
She knew you did.

Kevin
Really?

Scott
She would always tell me how much you loved her.
(Pause)
(They stop walking)
But, look this can be positive, you can focus on other things now.

Kevin
That’s no way to talk about her.
(Visibly offended)
(Long Pause)
I should have been the one poisoned! Why did it have to be her!
(Long pause)

Scott
Switching subjects
Kevin, I was wondering if that position was still available? Have you looked at the numbers recently?

Kevin
(Lost in thought)
We hired someone last week.

Scott
What? You told me you might have an opening for me.

Kevin
We both know you aren’t qualified.

Scott
Not qualified!

Kevin
Scott, calm down.

Scott
You make tons of money, and what have you given me? I have nothing!

Kevin
(Confused)
I’ve helped you out when I can. What are you talking about?

Scott
(Cuts Kevin off)
Kim! I loved her! You're right, you should have been the one who drank the poison! It was meant for you, not her!
(Pulls out a pistol)

Kevin
(Realizes)
Scott! Why? You’re my best friend.

Scott
(Walks toward Kevin)

Kevin
Scott, wait! Put the gun down, let’s talk about this.

Scott
No! Enough talk!
(Kevin attacks Scott and a scuffle commences)
(Scott is able to squeeze off a shot)
(Kevin falls as bullet grazes arm)

Scott
(Runs from hill)

Kevin
SCOTT!
Scene 19
Ext. Kevin’s House

We see Jake and Noa roll up in the car, as they roll into the driveway, Scott takes off in his car. Kevin is hobbling to the front door, his arm bloody.


Kevin
It's HIM!

Noa
To Jake
Huh?

Jake
I think I know what he means, let’s go!

Scene 20
Ext. Street

Jake jumps in the car, chase ensues.
30 second chase. We see an interior shot of Scott’s car as his gas light comes on. He pulls over and jumps out of the car. Noa and Jake, hot in pursuit arrive at Scott’s car and jump out with pistols in hand.

Scene 21
Ext. Desert

Chase end up on foot.
They catch up to Scott and Noa pulls his pistol on him.

Noa
Freeze!
(Scott freezes and Noa walks up to him as Jake covers him)
I never would have guessed!

Scott
It wasn’t supposed to end this way!
(Points gun at head as he turns to face the PI’s)

Jake
Scott, don’t do it. Put the gun down, it’s not worth it!
(Scott finally puts the gun down)
(They lead him off)



Scene 22
Int. Kevin’s house

Jake, Noa, and Kevin are standing in Kevin’s doorway of his house.

Noa
I’m sorry what happened, Kevin.

Kevin
I just can’t believe someone could have so much hate.

Noa
It’s our nature I guess, to hate.



Kevin
I lost her, my one love. She shouldn’t have been killed, I should have.

Jake
You really did love her. That is something that will last forever. I don’t know why these things happen. But loving someone, is always a good thing. [looks at Noa] We shouldn’t regret it.

Noa
(Deep in thought)(looks up at Jake’s statement)
Flashback to Noa looking at picture, this time we see who it is. It is a young woman.

Kevin
Stands up.
Thank you both. For everything.
Leaves the room

Noa
It was no problem.
(Noa and Jake walk out the door)

Jake
Nice guy.

Noa
(Visibly distracted)
He sure is. I have to go.

Jake
Smiles knowingly.
Going to see someone?

Noa
Yeah, either the minister or the undertaker… I’ll let you know when I get there.
(Shuts car door)

Scene 23
Ext. Suburban House

We see Noa get out of his car, and walks to the door..

Noa
(Knocks on door, woman opens it up.)
Megan….

Megan
Daniel Noa…. What brings you here?

Noa
… I’m sorry. I know you didn’t mean any harm. Can you forgive me?

Megan
(Takes deep breath in surprise)
Why don’t you come inside, and we’ll talk about it.

Noa
Fine.
(Smiles) (He walks in, and as she closes the door behind him she smiles too.)



Scene 24
Ext. City Street

Kevin walking down street. He looks into a puddle on the street and sees Kim’s reflection. He takes a rock and throws it in, creating ripples and seeing her disappear. We see Kevin walking down the street and we slowly pull up as he walks into the distance.(Crane shot) End. Black roll credits.

It's a cool script. I wouldnt mind trying to shoot it

i am interseted

I thought that the story was good, but the characters arn't very realistic. For example, after Kevin is asked if he went to the police he "stands up visibly angrily". Perhaps I am not getting your thinking, are you trying to make the audience unsympathetic to Kevin? So that we suspect him? It seems that the rest of the script shows Kevin to be thoroughly in love with Kim, and seeing as she has been dead for three months, maybe Kevin would have reaced the stage where he is able to talk about finding the murderer without getting over the top? I think the concept is there, and in the slight of hand thing you are aiming to pull off, you need to make sure the characters are sympathetic and believable. The drama of the piece I think is in the Kevin/Scott relationship and Kevin's sense of betrayal.
Having said that, I am interested in your story and the way you have arranged the plot. It is dense and tight. Just the characters is what I have a problem with.