im writing a script about 5 friends who are all meeting for dinner after not seeing each other for some time. They are either currently in the mob or had been involved with the mob, and the reason for the reunion is because the Don who has affected their lives one way or another has been diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor and doesnt have long to live. during the dinner, each friend tells a story of their past about how the Don changed their life. two of the five friends have known each other longer than they've known everyone else at the table, so theres a friendship there, a bond. for the first friend i was going to have his story be about how the Don helped him leave the mob and start a new life for his family, while the other friend tells of his loyalty to the Don and being his number one man, and about a last mission the Don has recently given him, where the Don gives him a list of names of people he'd like whacked before he dies. i was going to have the second friend tell of killing 4 out of the five people on the list, and in the end, have the friend with the list reveal that the last name is the name of the friend who left the mob. the reason for killing him is because the Don wants people who know of his secrets to be killed, leaving his reputation to the public untainted.

now, i have little themes for the other friends, such as one coming from a drug-dealing background, another is a cop on the Don's payroll, and another who is just a straight up classic new york thug kind of guy.

im not really far in writing it, but i was wondering if anyone had any ideas on how to make the story better, or about the flashbacks, or if you just want to comment at all, because right now, i love the idea, but i dont think it is as good as it could/should be.

An idea that follows your general outline, perhaps if you read through it all, youll come up with something:


The right-hand man of the Don is the host/organizer of the dinner. (The Don is present, but cant communicate and is not responsive) Four other men receive invitations to this dinner. When all five men and the Don are seated, the doors to the dinner room are closed and locked. The right hand man announces that he was ordered by the Don to kill one of the 4 men (because of their disloyalty, or another reason). The right-hand-man was only given a clue as to the identity of the person he should kill. The right-hand-man briefly inquires each man about a various time/stage in their life. (very pointed questions about matters that seem trivial). Through analyinzg the data,seemingly ingenious detective skills,(and sometimes thinking out loud) the right-hand-man assumes that he knows who he should kill. He pulls out a pistol and shoots one of the men. He then explains the clue that the Don gave to him, and quickly reasons out to the remaining 3 people how he figured out who to shoot. One of the 3 remaining men (Ill call him Jack), calmly points out a flaw in the right-hand-man's logic, and states that the right-hand-man killed the wrong person. Jack starts reasonining for the right-hand-man. Jack briefly asks a new series of questions to the other 3 guys. (short flashbacks which reveal more of the 3 mens background/life). Jack defiantly states that the right-hand-man should have shot one particular guy (Ill call him Robert). Jack stands up and points at Robert, and hastily gives his reasoning behind why Robert should be shot. Another man (Carlos), relucantly asks Jack a question about his past. Jack breaks down and has no answer for the question. A gunshot occurs, and Jack falls down. Everyone nervously settles down, and begins to eat hesitantly. The three remaining men are sitting immediately next to eachother. A few words of conversation follow. The Don drops something, and the right-hand-man reaches down to pick it up. When he looks back up, the man in the middle of the 3 remaining people at the table has been stabbed in the back, and is hunched over on the table. (So either the guy on the left, or the guy on the right could have stabbed him). Quickly, the right-hand-man draws two pistols and furiously asks who stabbed him. The right-hand-man is extremely angry and is yelling. He is pointing a pistol at each man The two remaining men dont respond. A gunshot is heard, the right-hand-man falls to the ground. The Don had fired the gun. Basically, The Don had created the whole situation (and his sickness) to see how good/capable his right hand man really was. The right-hand-man had failed the test, and the other men soon revived from their fake deaths (bullets were only tranquilizers, etc).

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