I'm looking for some fresh opinions on a short film that I've been planning for months. Production starts March 17th, so I know that it's a bit late to be requesting critiques. BUT, what the heck - the script ain't final till the films been shot.

I would highly appreciate ANY comments at all, good or bad. I'm trying to collect as many opinions as a can before filming begins in two weeks...

GRATUITY

Thanks in advance,
Jon

Looks good man---
Are you in atlanta too?
Hit me up sometime man, and maybe we could do a collab. or something...

LATER

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J.MICHAEL | TEMPORARY SITE

[This message was edited by J.MICHAEL on March 05, 2004 at 02:51 PM.]

i really liked it, a lot, except i have one question,(SPOILER)(SPOILER)(SPOILER) so the guy in the sleeping bag, he was knocked out, then came to when Basil was unting the sleeping bag? i was just wondering cuz i got a little confused.

"We can't stop here... this is bat country"

That's my guess Sublime, because Basil also says davids name a few times, which would help in waking him up...

I guess we won't know for sure until Jon confirms, but thats what I was thinking..

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J.MICHAEL | TEMP SITE

Thanks for taking the time to read the script guys - it's great to finally have some unbiased opinions (so many of the people who have critiqued this script have been close friends who are already familiar with the major plot twist).

Sublime, you've pointed out one of the several small details in the story that have been developed in my head but that I failed to mention in the script itself: (Spolier) As I mentioned in the script, the camera is positioned behind and over Basil as he works at the knot in the sleeping bag - what I failed to mention is that the actor will move his feet in the sleeping bag for a split-second during one of the cuts. Basil, facing the ground, will certainly miss this slight twitch and so might many of the film's viewers - this should be noticeable only to those who are very observant.

Anyways, I've always justified the actions of the person in the sleeping bag by putting myself in his shoes - if you had been hit over the head and stuffed into a sleeping bag, chances are that you would refrain from moving around if you wanted to escape ASAP. It’s more likely that someone would untie the sleeping bag if they believed you were still unconscious and didn’t present a potential threat…

freakin awesome! i really enjoyed it!

Stirling | Dueling the Fates @ Zomp