This is the beginning of my new script that I finally started writing called "Student Film". I hope you all choke on some kind of gas.


FADE IN:

INT. INFINITE ABYSS- DAY

There is nothing. No objects in sight.


The nothing continues.


Still a void of pure white.


Suddenly, the screen is consumed by a BLACK emptiness. There is a SONIC BOOM and the screen EXPLODES with life. Indistinguishable images fly by in a surreal dust of stars. Distant echoes of voices and music are heard in the background. A BRITISH SOUNDING MAN’s voice begins to over power everything else. Soon this frenzy of media is blinked away in an instant, flashing back to a blank screen.

The white nothing begins to slowly transform into tiny separated brackets, barely distinguishable.

INT. STANLEY’S ROOM- NIGHT

The infinite white universe has transformed into a computer screen in a dark cavern of a room. As the screen comes more and more into view, the beginning of a movie script is seen, with words boxed into the digitized microcosm in Courier New font.

STANLEY MAVERICK, 19, a skinny, pale, nothing of a young man. He has dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep. His clothes seem to be worn out, old, and not all that eye catching. His hair is short and coarse, but obviously meticulously groomed. He attends the local college.

His eyes are in a book, “The Art of Questioning” By Peter M. Brown. He is muttering to himself.

Quickly making a realization, he looks, alarmed at his WORD document, and after some deliberation, erases his entire script. A digital clock reads 3:24.

He hesitates, and then strikes the keyboard, recreating his universe.

STANLEY (V.O.)
The story is about a...killer. Yeah. It’s about a murderer. The murderer is a... maniac. Yeah, a man who is-

INT. DETECTIVE’s OFFICE- DAY

A weathered detective, the gruff and manly DETECTIVE SMITH tosses a folder stacked with papers onto an office desk. A bright spotlight of a ceiling lamps shines on it in a dramatic 1950’s noir fashion.

SMITH
Disturbed. Severely disturbed.

He is talking to a young rookie detective, JACK SMITH, who is seated with a very glazed look on his face.

JACK
(Forced)
So...we need to catch this guy, and fast.

SMITH
Right. He’s turning our small town into a death zone. He’s killed 2 people already.

JACK
Well- has the FBI gotten involved in this yet?

SMITH
No, and you know they won’t until he’s killed another-
(Dramatic CU)
You know, five or six people.

JACK
Wow, five or six.

SMITH
Even though you’re a rookie, I’m assigning you...the case.

JACK
Right, I’ll get right on it.
INT. STANLEY’S ROOM- MORNING

The digital clock reads 6:35AM. STANLEY’S room inside a beat up, rented house reveals his personality.

The camera pans to see stacked notebooks brimming with papers. Random instructional and technical books are also scattered, along with a few unread novels collecting dust.

STANLEY is not asleep, but has his head down, staring into the infinite space in a daze. After a short while, he blinks his red eyes and glances at his computer screen. It has been graced with the cardboard dialogue mentioned earlier. STANLEY, dazed, looks it over, acting as if he cannot understand what he wrote.

INT. BATHROOM

STANLEY stands in front of the mirror, examining himself. He reaches and opens the medicine cabinet, grabs a bottle of pills, and POPS out two. Contemplating, he decides to wrap them in a napkin and stick it in his pocket. Leaning into the mirror:

STANLEY
(To himself)
What are you doing? What the hell are you doing?

INT. STANLEY’S ROOM

STANLEY walks out the door, switching off his computer monitor on the way out.

EXT. PARK PICNIC BENCH- MORNING

STANLEY sits with the person who he can mutually tolerate the most (best pal), JAKE WHORESON, as JAKE eats a sloppy looking sandwich in the cool, early spring air. JAKE is a bit younger than STANLEY, but both are in their freshman year at the college. JAKE seems much more vigorous and full of life in comparison to the pale and skeletal STANLEY.





JAKE
You know, the ideas you were telling me about last week- they were pretty good and all, but they weren’t as good as your old stuff, the stuff you showed me from like when you were in high school. I mean, man-
(Takes a huge bite of his sandwich)
-those movies were pretty friggin funny.

STANLEY
(Tired)
Yeah, I know, but I’m not really going for “funny” anymore.

JAKE
Why man?

STANLEY
I- I don’t know. I want to make a serious movie now- something that- you know, is serious.

JAKE looks off to the side, wiping his mouth. Clearly, his thoughts are wandering and disagree with STANLEY’S interest in the “serious”.

JAKE
Well, whatever. I still think you should just make more comedies. But if you want to go serious and stuff, well, whatever man. I’ll still act in it.
(Beat)
So you got any ideas?

STANLEY is drifting now, but not how JAKE was. He is staring off into space again, and suddenly his sight focuses on a nearby stop sign. A beautiful young GIRL walks by, and his deep, deserted eyes find their new target and follow it. JAKE, his voice muted, tries to break the trance.

JAKE (CON’T)
...Stan? ...Stan? STANLEY.

STANLEY slowly turns back to face JAKE.

JAKE (CON’T)
I said do you have any new ideas yet?

STANLEY begins to mosey out of his zone.

STANLEY
Well, yeah, but it’s just some old...thing that I started a few years ago but never finished.

He is fiddling with a broken straw, staring down at it uncomfortably.

JAKE
Cool, so what’s it about?

STANLEY
(Suddenly excited)
Well- it’s supposed to be about this killer, right?

JAKE
(Also intrigued)
Yeah?!

STANLEY
And the killer...he uh...well, he’s killing people in this small town, and the police have no leads.

JAKE
Dude, that sounds like it could be awesome.

STANLEY
(Suddenly disappointed)
Yeah, there’s more, but- I gotta still work some stuff out.

JAKE
(Realizing the time)
Oh, man, I gotta to get to class now, so, like definitely tell me the rest some other time man.

STANLEY
Yeah, uh, sure.

JAKE seems to get up immediately, leaving STANLEY in quite an abrupt manner. Alone in the wind, STANLEY looks down at the table, and then out to the distance again, perhaps searching for the GIRL.

EXT. BUILDING- DAY

JACK SMITH, the rookie detective, is hard on the case. Looking for clues, he suspects his long time friend JOHN SMITH of foul play.

JOHN
Jack...are you saying that I could be the murderer?

JACK
(Sighing)
I don’t know- I don’t know what to think anymore.

JOHN
But we’ve been friends...for so long.

JACK
I know, but since you predicted the murders- well, all signs point to you- John.

JOHN
So you don’t think, that it might just be possible, that, I’m psychic?

JACK
(Sighing)
I don’t know- I don’t know what to think. But I have to question some witnesses on the murders. I’ll talk to you later, get some sleep- you need it.

JOHN
Bye.

The two rigidly walk off in separate directions.

INT. COLLEGE HALLWAY- DAY

CU of STANLEY’S right hand flat, holding the same large pills from before. His eyes stare down at them apathetically, as if he’s asking them something.

The answer is clear.

He tilts his head back and throws the pills in his mouth.
As STANLEY turns the corner, everything is slow motion. He floats down the hall, drifting past some students on the way, none of them looking at him.

It seems good, but I can't find the plot (yet). Give us some more info about what will happen in latter pages so we can get an idea of the story.
I like the idea for the intro, but it could be hard to pull off and not look like the matrix (not that you are ripping it off, just your vfx guy has to stay clear of the imagery).

The Matrix? Huh?

and vfx guy? What vfx guy?

awesome

Not bad, I'm already intrigued. But if I were you I'd make some changes. For one, change Jake's last name. Whoreson is just too comical, and when I first read it, I started cracking up. Yes I know I am immature like most guys. And the line that Jack delivers "I don't know what to think anymore" is extremely overused, maybe if it were delivered naturally enough you could pull it off, but it just seems too cliché in my book. I'd really like to read this when it is done though. You're off to a good start.

---YAY, MY 100th post!---

"Whoreson is just too comical, and when I first read it, I started cracking up."

Who said I wasn't trying to make it comical? It is a hilarious name, but probably won't actually be used in the movie, he'll just be know as "Jake". I just through that in there to make people who read the script laugh.

"And the line that Jack delivers "I don't know what to think anymore" is extremely overused, maybe if it were delivered naturally enough you could pull it off, but it just seems too cliché in my book."

Excellent. That's the exact reaction I was looking for.


Maybe when I get further into the story this will all make sense, but for now, just think about the title: "Student Film". That's the actual title, not a working title. I hope it makes more sense now.

Thanks for the feedback.

Hey. I've since changed a bunch from the script. Read and re-feed the back.



FADE IN:

INT. INFINITE ABYSS- DAY

There is nothing. No objects in sight.


The nothing continues.


Still a void of pure white.


Suddenly, the screen is consumed by a BLACK emptiness. There is a SONIC BOOM and the screen EXPLODES with life. Indistinguishable images fly by in a surreal dust of stars. Distant echoes of voices and music are heard in the background. This life revolves around a glowing fetus, just coming into view. Soon this frenzy of media is blinked away in an instant, flashing back to a blank screen.

The white nothing begins to slowly transform into tiny separated brackets, barely distinguishable.

INT. STANLEY’S ROOM- NIGHT

The infinite white universe has transformed into a computer screen in a dark cavern of a room. As the screen comes more and more into view, the beginning of a movie script is seen, with words boxed into the digitized microcosm in Courier New font.

STANLEY MAVERICK, 18, a skinny, pale, nothing of a young man. He has dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep. His clothes seem to be worn out, old, and not all that eye catching. His hair is short and coarse, but obviously meticulously groomed. He is a senior in high school. It’s late.

His eyes are in a book, “The Art of Questioning” By Peter M. Brown. He is muttering to himself.

Quickly making a realization, he looks, alarmed at his WORD document, and after some deliberation, erases his entire script. A digital clock reads 3:24.

He hesitates, and then strikes the keyboard, recreating his universe.

STANLEY (V.O.)
The story is about a...killer. Yeah. It’s about a murderer. The murderer is a... maniac. Yeah, a man who is-

INT. DETECTIVE’S OFFICE- DAY

A weathered detective, the gruff and manly DETECTIVE SMITH tosses a folder stacked with papers onto an office desk. A bright spotlight of a ceiling lamps shines on it in a dramatic 1950’s noir fashion.

SMITH
Disturbed. Severely disturbed.

He is talking to a young rookie detective, JACK SMITH, who is seated with a very glazed look on his face.

JACK
(Forced)
So...we need to catch this guy, and fast.

SMITH
Right. He’s turning our small town into a death zone. He’s killed 2 people already.

JACK
Well- has the FBI gotten involved in this yet?

SMITH
No, and you know they won’t until he’s killed another-
(Dramatic CU)
You know, five or six people.

JACK
Wow, five or six.

SMITH
Even though you’re a rookie, I’m assigning you...the case.


JACK
Right, I’ll get right on it.

INT. STANLEY’S ROOM- MORNING

The digital clock reads 6:35AM. STANLEY’S room inside a beat up, rented house reveals his personality.

The camera pans to see stacked notebooks brimming with papers. Random instructional and technical books are also scattered, along with a few unread novels collecting dust.

STANLEY is not asleep, but has his head down, staring into the infinite space in a daze. After a short while, he blinks his red eyes and glances at his computer screen. It has been graced with the cardboard dialogue mentioned earlier. STANLEY, dazed, looks it over, acting as if he cannot understand what he wrote.

INT. BATHROOM

STANLEY stands in front of the mirror, examining himself. He reaches and opens the medicine cabinet, grabs a bottle of pills, and POPS out two. Contemplating, he decides to wrap them in a napkin and stick it in his pocket. Leaning into the mirror:

STANLEY
(To himself)
What are you doing? What the hell are you doing?

INT. STANLEY’S ROOM

He makes for the door, but stops to glance at his computer screen, still with MURDER MYSTERY script on it. He stares at it doubtfully for a moment, and then switches off his computer monitor on the way out.

EXT. STANLEY’S HOUSE- MORNING

STANLEY waits for his ride to school. He uncomfortably looks around, trying to seem relaxed as if somebody’s watching him. A car pulls up and half-assedly stops next to him. He gets in.


INT. CAR

STANLEY sits in the passenger seat, staring out the window. Driving: the one person STANLEY can mutually tolerate (his best friend), MATT RANDAZZO. MATT is a bit younger than STNALEY, but both are seniors. Even in his tired state, MATT seems much more vigorous and full of life in comparison to the pale and skeletal STANLEY. He squints at the wheel

MATT
You pissed at me or something?

STANLEY
(Breaking the trance)
What? No. I’m just thinking. And I’m tired.

MATT
Oh. Yeah me too. I hate school. I hate school so goddamn much.
(Beat)
So did you come up with any ideas for your movie this year?

STANLEY
(Staring out window again)
Kind of. Not really. You know, just messing around with some things.

MATT
That’s cool. You gonna make another comedy or something?

STANLEY
(Hopeless)
I don’t know.

STANLEY is in a dull daze, and counts trees as they fly by the window. He is starting to drift away from MATT and the car.

MATT
(Suddenly excited)
You should make another comedy. It would be so funny. Put more goofy characters in it and stuff, and just make it crazy. You know man?


STANLEY’S eyes are dead. He is not asleep, just away. MATT tries to get his attention.

MATT (CONT’D)
Stan...Stanley? Stan-ley?

He slowly turns his head, and sounds like he just woke from a coma.

MATT (CONT’D)
I was just saying you should make another funny movie like last year.

STANLEY
Yeah, maybe Matt. I don’t really know.

MATT
I think it’d be really cool.

LS shows the car driving off into the distance, and pulling into the driveway of a high school. A sign barely visible reads “LAKELAND REGIONAL HIGH SCHOOL”.

MATT (O.C.)
God I hate school.

EXT. POLICE STATION- DAY

JACK SMITH, the rookie detective, is hard on the case. Looking for clues, he suspects his long time friend JOHN SMITH of foul play.

JOHN
Jack...are you saying that I could be the murderer?

JACK
(Sighing)
I don’t know- I don’t know what to think anymore.

JOHN
But we’ve been friends...for so long.

JACK
I know, but since you predicted the murders- well, all signs point to you- John.

JOHN
So you don’t think, that it might just be possible, that, I’m psychic?

JACK
(Sighing)
I don’t know- I don’t know what to think. But I have to question some witnesses on the murders. I’ll talk to you later, get some sleep- you need it.

JOHN
Bye.

The two rigidly walk off in separate directions.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY- DAY

CU of STANLEY’S right palm, outstretched, holding the same two large pills from before. His eyes stare down at them apathetically, as if he’s asking them something.

The answer is clear.

He tilts his head back and throws the pills in his mouth.
As STANLEY turns the corner, everything is slow motion. He floats down the hall, drifting past some students on the way, none of them looking at him. He makes a move for a door and barley makes it into the classroom.