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Freshman |
Hey there.
We're looking at going into production on this at the end of the summer. This is a slightly earlier draft so there has been a few changes since. What I'm after from thise who take the time to read is any opinions, comments or advise you might have. It's all helpfull when rewriting. Blurred, choppy imagery: LIGHT AND SHADOW rush at us in Hyper
Speed -- The shifting visuals are mirrored with a relentless
SYMPHONIC ATTACK of TWISTED SOUNDS. Whatever they are, these
EFFECTS gradually thread in and out of FAST-PACED PRIMAL
BEATS. Tribal music? The sonic's and imagery build up to a
pounding crescendo, then... ALL MUSIC DROPS AWAY to a hushed
RUSHING OF WIND:
EXT. FOREST - DAY
FIRST PERSON P.O.V, moving furiously through dense, lush,
woodland. We wind through trees, through bush, then:
INT. UNDERGROUND CARPARK - NIGHT
The FIRST PERSON P.O.V continues; know we blaze between tree
like STONE PILLARS. A concrete Forrest. Pillars zip by, as:
INT. A ROOM - NIGHT
Contrasting stillness -- This room is dark, bare; Details
hide in shadow. Furniture covered in plastic sheeting.
At a window, looking out into the night, a MAN stands
bareback in a patch of icy-blue moonlight.
MAN (V.O.)
Some people would call this my
prison... My cell... Nothing more
than my upholstered dungeon...
There's something mournful and haunting about his silent
presence.
MAN (V.O.)
They're wrong of course... This is
the one place I can truly be free.
The only place I can be... Me...
EXT. PUBLIC PARK - DAY
Under a blazing midday sun, park-life is in full-swing;
People play games, have picnics, enjoy the heat wave.
CLOSE ON: A GOLD LIGHTER. It's ignited and brought up to
light a cigarette. The MAN smoking is JOSHUA BAPKIN not much
over twenty. His face shows a lot of wear; too much whiskey,
too many sleepless nights. He sits on a park bench under the
shade of a large Oak.
Joshua smokes his cigarette and takes in the view. He fingers
the lighter as he watches a group of teenagers play frisbee.
A growling sound can be heard.
Joshua looks over to see --
a bulky SKINHEAD and his muscle-bound DOG walk through the
park. The dog pulls at it's lead as it watches the group of
TEENS play FRISBEE.
The teens play on unaware and unaffected by the man and his
dog - They hurl the frisbee back and forth without a care in
the world.
Dog seems to get more excited by every throw of the frisbee.
Skinhead sees this and yanks on the beasts leash, but this
only insights it further -- it barks wildly.
Dog becomes increasingly hyper, it pulls on the lead even
more until... SNAP!
Deliriously excited, Dog wrestles free from his Skinhead
master and charges at the hapless teen holding the frisbee.
Before the teen can throw the frisbee, the dog is on him, and
-
THE DOG JUMPS UP AND BITES HIS ARM!!
The beasts bite is vice-like. Terrified, the unlucky Teen tries
to wrestle the dog off his bloody arm, but it's bite is too
strong. He screams in pain.
Bystanders, of whom there are many, react with shock as the
horrific attack plays out in front of them. The dog is wild,
ripping at flesh - tearing - snapping - biting - bloody.
BACK AT THE BENCH
Joshua sits emotionless watching as men and women run over
trying to pries the rabid beast away.
And then, whilst all hell breaks loose off in the distance,
Joshua stands up and casually moves off.
EXT. SIDE STREET - DAY
Joshua, deep in thought, moves by graffiti-scrawled brick
walls.
He stops:
Up ahead, a NEON WALL SIGN promotes an SEEDY BAR.
Joshua looks at his watch: It's stopped. He taps it with a
finger. No response. He sighs, looks up to the blazing blue
sky.
INT. BAR - DAY
A dingy, Irish-themed dive with many tables and booths.
Joshua enters, his eyes shift as he studies the room. He
seems satisfied, so he heads for the bar and it's sullen
looking BARTENDER.
BARTENDER
What you drinking?
Joshua sits on a stool, takes out a twenty-pound note, places
it on the bar.
JOSHUA
Vodka, no, Whiskey... Straight.
Bartender fixes the drink and passes it over. Joshua slugs it
down -- he points to the bottle.
JOSHUA
Another.
The Bartender fixes a second drink. Again, Joshua slugs it down
as if it were milk.
JOSHUA
One more.
Bartender looks Joshua up and down, unsure.
JOSHUA
(slow)
It's warm, alright?
Bartender fixes another drink, places it on the bar.
WOMAN(O.S.)
(jokingly)
I know it's hot outside, but even by
Irish standards you seem thirsty.
Tom turns:
AMY, twenties, fresh-faced, blonde, sits in a booth with a stack
of TEXT BOOKS. She is a student on a mid-afternoon research
mission.
AMY
I could fetch a bowl of water if you
really want to quench that thirst?
She follows up with a persuasive glance. He answers with a
charming smile.
JOSHUA
(holds up drink)
No. Thank you. I'm, er, fine.
AMY
It's just that you don't look like the
usual Monday afternoon whiskey
drinker.
JOSHUA
(tentative then sure)
I'm not. Well, it's just one of those
days. You know?
AMY
Sit here long enough and you see all
kinds of "those days"...
Joshua slugs his drink down, sits the shot-glass on the bar.
AMY
Listen to me, sounding off, like --
I'm Amy.
JOSHUA
I'm Joshua.
Joshua shifts his stool forward a few inches, interested.
JOSHUA (CONT'D)
(looks over books)
So, what kind of day is this?
AMY
(lighthearted)
I don't know. A tedious one?
Amy smiles her coyest of smiles. Joshua is humoured.
JOSHUA
Look, can I buy you a drink?
AMY
(holds up a note book)
Oh, I can't. Thanks...
Joshua wants to sit in vacant seat opposite her.
JOSHUA
(motions to seat)
D'you mind? I'm--
Amy is thankful for the company.
AMY
Not at all. I could do with
company. This is real boring stuff.
Joshua slides into the booth. He picks up a thick TEXT BOOK,
reads the title:
JOSHUA
"Wild Cats"?
AMY
Zoology, to be precise. It's
alright, you know?
Joshua sits back, looks around the dingy bar.
JOSHUA
What's a Zoology major doing in a dive
like this? I'm pretty sure there are
better places to study...
AMY
Unfortunately, my father owns this
"dive"
JOSHUA
Oh, no offense.
AMY
(sarcastically)
Yep. One day, this will all be mine.
Joshua smiles.
JOSHUA
That's some legacy.
AMY
(flirting)
Well, I'm thinking about
diversifying...
Amy is playing games. Joshua realizes and plays along.
JOSHUA
Into what? You want to turns this pace
into a Zoo?
AMY
I was thinking of something on a
somewhat smaller scale.
JOSHUA
How 'bout a pet shop?
They laugh at each others silliness.
AMY
So, we know why I'm here...
There is an awkward silence between the two.
JOSHUA
(semi-jokingly)
You should be encouraging your
clientele to drink... Not filling
their mouths with words and
questioning their motives.
An awkward pause whilst Amy admires Joshua's face.
AMY
Okay, Joshua. You seem like a nice
guy, and I'm feeling adventuress --
Maybe it's the fine weather or
something...
She looks at her watch.
AMY (CONT'D)
It's lunchtime. I'm hungry -- You want
to come with me and get a bite to eat?
Joshua seems shocked by how forward Amy is.
JOSHUA
Erm, sure... I could always go for a
steak sandwich.
Amy takes-up a TEXT BOOK with a TIGER'S FACE on the cover,
she points at it:
AMY
Panthera Tigris...
Joshua smiles-off her lighthearted accusation.
JOSHUA
What?
AMY
A meat eater.
Holding up a book.
AMY
Remember?
JOSHUA
Only when I'm really, really
hungry. I know shouldn't, but
sometimes I can't help myself. I
mean, my-ex was a veggie...
(realizes he's rambling)
Oh, let's not go there.
AMY
(jokingly)
Okay, and I won't geek-out and talk
about "zoology", that a deal?
JOSHUA
(humoured)
A deal.
Amy looks to the bartender who CLEANS GLASSES AT THE BAR.
AMY
(calls out)
Hey Jimmy...
JIMMY, The bartender, comes over. Amy points to the books.
AMY
I'm going to leave this stuff here and
go get some lunch. I shouldn't be
long...
He nods an "Okay" and goes back to what he was doing.
AMY
(to Joshua)
Come on... You waiting for a written
invitation or something?
Amy stands and picks her bag up. Joshua stands.
AMY
Lets go eat.
EXT. STREET - EVENING
Joshua and Amy stroll down a quiet high-street. Considering
they've known each other for only a few hours, they seem very
relaxed with one another's company. They could almost pass for a
genuine couple.
AMY
Well, I've really enjoyed myself
today... You're a refreshing change
Mr. Bapkin.
JOSHUA
Change from what? Drunk, Irish meat
packers?
Amy laughs out.
AMY
(humoured)
I don't make a habit of picking up men
you know! Especially ones that drink
in my dads crumby bar.
They both laugh.
JOSHUA
So that's what you did? You picked me
up?
AMY
You just seemed like a nice enough
guy. I thought I would treat you to
lunch. We had a good time, right?
JOSHUA
Right... Where is this going?
AMY
So then, I guess my gamble paid
off...
JOSHUA
(jokingly)
Get out of here!
Behind a CHAIN LINK FENCE, a GERMAN SHEPHERD jumps forward and
barks furiously. Joshua jumps back, startled.
JOSHUA
(shocked)
**** me!
Amy laughs at Joshua's expense. She found his altercation
with the mutt hilarious.
AMY
It's just a stupid dog!
The dog hops up and down, snapping. It gnashes at the fence,
frenzied.
JOSHUA
Not today. I don't like dogs at
all. They scare me.
AMY
(laughs)
No ****.
Joshua takes Amy's hand and they run down the street away
from the barking dog.
AMY
(amused)
Joshua, what are you doing?
DOWN A TIGHT ALLEYWAY
Joshua and Amy round a corner.... suddenly, Joshua pins her
against a wall and they go at it, passionately kissing.
EXT. STREET - LATER
They walk,
AMY
I swear, it's weird. I've really never
done anything like this before. There
is something about you. I don't
know... Maybe I've been studying too
much.
JOSHUA
Gee, thanks.
AMY
You know what I mean.
Joshua turns and walks backwards beside her. Amy smiles at
him.
JOSHUA
(interrupting)
Look, you paid for lunch. How about
you let me return the favour? Are you
doing anything later?
They both stop.
AMY
Mr. Bapkin, are you asking me out
on a real date?
(sarcastically)
Now whose calling the shots?
Joshua takes Amy's hand.
JOSHUA
I'm inviting you out for a proper
meal. If you wanna call it a date,
that's fine by me.
AMY
(mimicking)
Well I accept your invitation to a
proper meal. What time? About nine?
JOSHUA
No... I can't...
(beat)
I mean... It can't be too late. I
have stuff to do. I have work. I get a
bit ratty if I don't to bed early.
Joshua looks at his watch, it's still broken.
JOSHUA (CONT'D)
Is... Erm.. Seven OK
AMY
Sure.
JOSHUA
What time should I pick you up?
AMY
Actually... Do you mind if I drive?
I just prefer it that way.
JOSHUA
No. Not at all.
AMY
Cool. So I'll pick you up at seven.
JOSHUA
Well great... I'll see you then.
He starts to walk away.
AMY
Erm... Aren't you forgetting
something.
Joshua turns back.
JOSHUA
Oh.. I'm sorry.
Joshua looks up at the summer sky.
He gets close and kisses her on the cheek. She smiles.
AMY
Your address. I have no idea where
you live.
JOSHUA
Oh... Right. You got a pen.
She reaches for a pen and Joshua pulls out a piece of paper.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. PUBLIC PARK - EVENING
Joshua, kneels at some the blood-stained grass It's the spot
of the DOG ATTACK. He takes a flask from his pocket, takes a
heavy drink.
EXT. URBAN HOUSING ESTATE - NIGHT
A diamond-white FULL-MOON lingers over several unassuming
TOWER BLOCKS.
INT. A ROOM - NIGHT
The same bleak room we started in, minus the half-dressed man. A
patch of moonlight streaks across bare floor boards.
A shadow moves... Out of the darkness steps... Joshua.
HE IS THE MAN
Joshua steps into the moonlight. At the window, the full moon
casts a cold-white/blue tint over his rugged face.
JOSHUA (V.O.)
Some people would call this my
prison...
Joshua backs away from the window revealing for the first time
that window has bars across the outside.
JOSHUA (V.O.)
My cell...
Joshua moves over to the only door in the room -- a heavy-duty
METAL DOOR, housing dozens of RUSTY locks.
Each lock has a key, Joshua removes everyone and pushes them
through the letter box... out of reach.
Joshua breathes calmly. He turns and looks at his dark, cell
like room.
JOSHUA (V.O.)
Nothing more than my upholstered
dungeon...
In a corner, devoured by shadow, a LARGE CLOSET stands almost
invisible. It is old, almost medieval/Gothic in its robust
design.
Joshua apprehensively moves to it -- He reaches for a LARGE
PADLOCK on the closet door. Slowly, Joshua turns the key in it --
It unlocks, he unhooks it clear.
JOSHUA (V.O.)
They're wrong of course...
Joshua opens the door:
Inside, cowering in the corner, terrified, tired, dirty,
gagged and bound, is --
AMY
Joshua reaches in and yanks her forward -- she falls out the
closet, hitting the floor violently.
Joshua kneels next to her, his facial expression cold and
distant. Amy squirms and mutters behind her gag, tears of
fear streak down her cheeks.
In one sharp motion, Joshua rips her DUCKED TAPE MOUTH-GAG off --
She starts screaming. But Joshua doesn't restrain her or
anything like that. He is calm in contrast.
JOSHUA (V.O.)
This is the only place I can truly be
free.
Joshua moves back to the window, takes one last look at the dark
night sky -- at the bright FULL MOON.
He reaches up, fumbles around, releases a LATCH -- a steal
shutter CLATTERS down. The sound is jarring, steel-on-steel.
JOSHUA (V.O.)
The only place I can be...
The shutter act's like an industrial-strength CURTAIN. It blocks
out all light... This newfound darkness highlights a dim RED
LIGHT that creeps in under the METAL DOOR.
Amy crawls to the door -- the RED LIGHT. With her face against
the course floor boards, she screams crazily under the door...
But somehow her actions seem pointless.
INT. CORRIDOR - NIGHT
A RED BULB hangs above the METAL DOOR. No other light. The
corridor is long, fading off into darkness. Any visible walls
are peeling, dirty.
Amy's fingers scratch away under the door. Her finger nails
are bloody. She screams, relentless... Then she stops,
whimpers.
Suddenly, a tutored MALE SCREAM explodes out from behind the
door. It sounds like someone is being ripped apart. It grows
desperate --
JOSHUA (V.O.)
The ONLY place I can be... Me.
The PRIMAL SCREAMING becomes: A animalistic HOWL. A deep, earthy
howl... Like that of a WEREWOLF from a classic Hammer horror
movie. The howl simmers to a GROWL followed by HEAVY BREATHING,
then--
THE VIOLENT SOUNDS OF AMY BEING ATTACKED! All hell breaks
loose - Amy is clattered against the door, it rattles
violently. SNARLS AND GROWLS blast out. Amy shrieks when
possible, but the attack is so violent she can't get it
out... BONES CRACK - IT LASTS SECONDS, AND SOUNDS HORRENDOUS!
Then everything is quiet... More heavy, horsy-breathing as
the beast beyond the door paces up and down in the room,
then:
A terrifying WEREWOLF HOWL SHATTERS THE SILENCE...
FROM UNDER THE DOOR
drains blood... An ever-expanding pool of blood...
JOSHUA (V.O.)
(in a quieter, sadder
voice)
Oh Meu Deus, eu sinceramente me
arrependo -- E eu detesto todos os
meus pecados...
FADE TO BLACK.
English PRAYER translation:
Oh my God, I am heartily sorry -- And I detest all my sinsIf anyone wants to talk about the script just get in touch at email or msn Deant180@hotmail.com, or aim Despin180 Despin out. |
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Alumnus |
Awesome. I've been wanting to see someone do a Werewolf movie on this website.
ONe question...how are you gonna do the make-up for the wolf-man? TACO WAGON PRODUCTIONS© "They look like psychos? Is that what they look like? They were Vampires. Psychos do not EXPLODE when sunlight hits them. I don't give a f*** how crazy they are!" - George Clooney in 'From Dusk Till Dawn' |
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Freshman |
Hey there.
The attack is all played off screen. Despin out. |
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Senior  |
Cool, man! I like twisty plots. Really nice ending. I find that you are going to have a bit of trouble keeping the viewer's attention during the part where Joshua and Amy are walking in the street unless the acting is top-notch. Can't wait to see it though!
Pointgravity Productions |
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Freshman |
Now you've done it!
 Now I really wanna see this movie. I really loved the end of the story coming full circle to the beginning. I was wondering what he was going on about in the beginning, but in the end realisation dawned pretty quickly and it gave me goosebumps.There were a few spelling errors, but nothing a good read over or spelling checker can't fix. (For example: About the dog. "Its teeth" It's is a compression of it is which isn't a possesive form) And please be consistent in capitalization. Either all names, or all the first times they appear in a scene. Don't just capitalize at random. Other than that good script, make it happen! "Any mystery devised by mortal minds can be solved therewith." -- Sherlock Holmes |
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Freshman |
I can't wait to see it. Good luck!
 |
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Freshman |
I read your script and I really enjoyed it.
Just two things: 1) I love the whole idea for the story, I just think it would be better suited over a longer script so the characters can develop more. 2) The prayer at the end needs to go. End it just before the prayer. It ruins it!  YAY! MAKE THIS MOVIE! |
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Sophomore |
love it, love the ending. i like the prayer... though are you going to run a translation on the bottom of the screen or something? also, curious as to how you're going to film the dog attack scene. anyway, i love it.
-Justin http://www.lone-palm.net/ |
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Freshman  |
sounds pretty bad ass! The prayer is nice and creepy, the only thing is that it seems kinda random. maybe somewhere in the movie (prior to attack) he should be gripping a rosery or have a jesus tattoo or carry around a crucifix on his back (okay the last one was a joke) but its awesome!
Grilled Cheese |
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Freshman |
I was just searching the past pages on the forums since I am still new around here and I read your script.
It's a very good short. I like it quite a bit. When it first shows the bars a thought at first he traps himself in the house or whatever to protect others from himself. But then when we see Amy I was like whoa. And as for the prayer - keep it. It relays a sense of he is sorry for what he does, but he cannot deny what he is. Can't wait to see it! ~Shun "Now I am become death, the destroyer of world's."   |
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Sophomore |
shun, thanks for bringing this back to life.
despin, did you ever do anything with this? -Justin http://www.lone-palm.net/ |
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Freshman |
With that type of twist on a werewolf story you should make it feature length.
Good luck. "If there is one thing I hate more than being bored is having nothing to do." |
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Alumnus |
Hey if nothing else, shoot the short and use it to get investors interested in a feature length version.
R. Michael "Luck, is when opportunity, meets preperation." "There are 3 sides to every story. Yours, mine, and the truth, and none of us are lying" -Robert Evans Tizzy Entertainment "Redemption" Hi-Def trailer |
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