Hey all. I'm writing this new horror movie called "Orchard". It's about this town, formally an apple orchard/plantation. The ghosts of the slaves come back and haunt the town. Some things yous hould know: whenever a ghost is around, electronics don't work. And the only part of the plantation that is still in the town is an old bridge on a bike path. Any comments for my script? I just have the first few scenes.


ORCHARD
screenplay by Sam Nagel
Copyright 2004, all right reserved


SCENE 1

A girl, NATALIE YORK, is walking down a long path covered in snow. It is cold and windy, sometime in late autumn. She has a school bag over her shoulder and is hurrying along. She gets to a bridge and stops before stepping onto it. She shudders, as if a cold wind blows by, and hurries across the bridge.

INT: house, a light is in the foreground and the front door is shown behind it. The light is flickering, on and off. It stops flickering the second the door opens and Natalie comes in, setting her school bag down and going into the kitchen. She gets a glass of water and fills it from the sink. She then walks into the television room and turns on the TV. All that is on the TV is a blue screen. She walks up to the TV and turns it off. She walks back into the kitchen, and turns to find the sink running. She was sure she had turned it off before, but she thinks nothing of it and turns it off again. She leaves and does back into another room. The sink begins to drip.

SCENE 2

Later that night.
Natalie is sitting at her desk, finishing up her math homework. The phone rings loudly and she picks it up.

NAT
Hello? (silence) Hello?

She hangs up, and goes back to her math homework. The phone rings again, and she jumps. She picks it up again.

NAT
Hello? (more silence) HELLO?

She hangs up again. She finishes up a problem and closes her math book and slips it into her book bag. As she is about to leave the room, the phone rings again. She looks at the phone for a few seconds, and then walks away, leaving the phone ringing. A clock next to the phone reads 6:06.

Natalie walks into the kitchen again, to find the sink running again. She turns it off, and on again, and then turns it off. She sets her glass down and looks at the faucet, trying to see what is wrong with it. The camera pans backwards to show a message machine. A red light turns on and the machine beeps. Natalie turns around and walks to the machine, suspicious. She turns it on and the machine voice comes on:

MACHINE
You have one new message. Sent today at 6:07 pm. BEEP

It is silent for a few seconds, and Natalie turns around to go back to the sink. Suddenly, very quietly, a crackling is heard, somewhat like the feedback from a walkie talkie. Natalie turns, and stares at the machine. In the crackling, a deep voice is heard. “Get out of house” is unclearly heard through the noise. The crackling gets louder, and the message repeats: “Get out of house”, clearer now. Louder yet, and Natalie is frightened. Louder yet, and she runs forward and hits delete. Everything is silent, except for Natalie’s heavy breathing.

SCENE 3

The screen is black. Suddenly, the loud ring of the telephone breaks the silence and the screen fades in to a close up of the phone. After the third ring, Natalie picks it up, but hesitantly.

NAT
Hello?

Cut to: EXT: Same long path as before. AUDREY SULLIVAN, about 14 years old, is walking. She is holding a cell phone.

AUDREY
Natalie, my parents are soooo dumb. They had to go to some dinner party, and they made me take the bus, so I’m running a little late.

NAT
Audrey, did you call me before?

AUDREY
Look, I’m sorry, I know I should have called, but --

Cut to: INT: house
NAT
No, someone called like an hour ago, playing a joke on me. They left this weird message.

AUDREY
No, I didn’t call. It was probably Noah. He’s like totally obsessed with horror movies and all that crap.

Cut to: EXT: path

NAT
Hey, Audrey, could you do me a favor and --

The second Audrey steps onto the bridge, Natalie’s voice is cut off.

AUDREY
And what? Natalie?

She looks at her phone. The screen is blank. Confused, she tries to turn it back on.

Cut to: INT: house

NAT
Audrey? Ugh. (she hangs up)

Cut to: EXT: bridge

AUDREY
What the hell?

She gets to the end of the bridge and steps off it, and the phone automatically turns back on. Audrey looks at it, confused, but does not think anything of it.

INT: house

Natalie walks from the living room to the kitchen, where she puts the phone back in the cradle. Behind her, the television is on, again the blue screen. She turns around to find it on, and begins walking, slowly, into the TV room. Suddenly, a loud ring from teh telephone startles her and she jumps. She takes a deep breath to calm down. She answers the phone.


NAT
Hello?

Cut to: EXT: path

AUDREY
Sorry about that, I don’t know what’s wrong with this stupid phone. I just charged the battery this morning. Anyways, what were you saying?

NAT
Oh, could you stop by Gracie’s house and remind her to come?

AUDREY
She’s not there?

Cut to: INT: house

NAT
No, she had something she had to get done.

(Natalie turns off the television again)

AUDREY
OK, I’ll stop by there.

NAT
K, thanks. I’ll see you soon.

AUDREY
Yeah, bye.


SCENE 4

EXT: Porch of a house, down the street from Natalie’s house. We see Audrey walk up to the porch and knock on the large glass door. A boy, NOAH EVANS, about 16 years old, answers the door.

AUDREY
Noah, is Gracie here?

NOAH
No, she’s at the library.

AUDREY
Well, when she gets back, tell her to get her butt over to Natalie’s house. Her parents are out of town, and she’s throwing a slumber party!!

NOAH (sarcastically)
Yeah, sounds like a blast.

AUDREY
Uh huh, whatever, so yeah, just tell her to bring like chips or something. Bye.

Noah closes the door and heads back to his television, where he is watching an old alien movie, “Night of the Blood Beast”.

Cut to: EXT: street. It is getting dark out, and Audrey walks under a street lamp, and looks ahead, in the direction of Natalie’s house. She is obviously uncomfortabe with walking in the dark, but bears with it and walks quickly towards the house. The wind picks up, and she walks faster. She gets to Natalie’s house and runs up to the door. She opens the screen door and knocks. No one answers. She tries to open the door, but it is locked. She closes the screen door and looks in one of the large windows next to the door. She sees the empty living room. She hurries to the dark drive way and makes her way to the back gate. She opens it and sees the television room through the windows. It is dark except for the eerie blue light coming from the television. She walks slowly to the back door. The opens the screen door and reaches for the doorknob on the large wooden door. Before she touches it, the door slowly swings open. She stands at the door for a few seconds, afraid to go in.

AUDREY (frightened, and quietly)
N-N-Nat? You there??

No answer. She walks in, and sees the television. She is very confused. She walks into the dining room. The chandelier over the dining room table is on, with a beam of light shining down onto the table. She continues on, and looks upstairs. A light is coming from the room above. She begins up the stairs, slowly. She gets to the top and turns into the computer room. The room is empty, and there is a closet to the left, both of the doors are open. Audrey cannot see behind the open door, and she reaches out, grabs it, and pulls it towards her. Natalie is behind the door, hanging up clothes, and she screams, as does Audrey. They stop screaming, look at eachother, and after a few seconds, begin to laugh.


NAT
Holy CRAP! Do you want to give me a freaking heart attack???

AUDREY
Well, when someone knocks at your door, you should ANSWER IT!

NAT
I didn’t hear you knock! I’m sorry!

AUDREY
Yeah, uh huh. I just was at Gracie’s house, and she wasn’t there, but Noah was. He is so creepy. Does he like have any friends?


Natalie rolls her eyes.


NAT
I dunno, he’s not that bad. He’s just not as social as some other people. Where did he say Gracie was?

AUDREY
The library. Why would someone hang out at the library on a Friday night?

NAT
Who knows. When will she be back? I rented a movie and I wanna watch it, but I don’t wanna start it without Gracie, she’d be pissed.

AUDREY
What, you think I had a complete conversation with that freak? He’s so weird.

NAT
Whatever. Come on, I ordered a pizza.

The girls do down the stairs and into the kitchen. In the backroom, the television is on the blue screen.

NAT
Oh my God, something is seriously wrong with my TV. It keeps turning on.

AUDREY
Isn’t that what TV’s are supposed to do? Turn on?

NAT
Yeah, when you want them to. I like leave for 5 minutes and when I get back, it’s turned back on.

AUDREY
Just unplug it.

NAT (sarcastically)
Oh, great idea Einstein. I didn’t think of that!

Audrey grabs a slice of pizza and goes to the stereo. She turns it on, and techno music blares out.

Great script! I really liked it!!!

Just one suggestion tho... you might have Noah, the horror freak, find out how to kill/defeat the ghosts in the end, with the help of the 2 girls... just a thought.

Very cool. You should have Natalie start to like Noah a little ibt. Maybe he starts acting different or something. And then at the end, like Gronk said, you should have Noah help them get rid of the ghosts. If that is what will happen.

yeah, that would be a good idea, but the ghosts kill noah by jaming the apple core down his throat, so i dont think he can do much more.

Not to bad from what I can tell. If done correctly it could give off an errie feel to it.

The apple core thing sounds cool. Hope it looks smooth on film. Keep me posted.

Later,
Shunohaku

quote:

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She gets to the end of the bridge and steps off it, and the phone automatically turns back on.

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Yeah, cell phone companies these days are REAL sticklers about roaming.

quote:

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She turns it on, and techno music blares out.

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Damn! This movie IS scary!


Lol, sorry, I like being a smartass. The truth is, I really don't like horror movies but this one's turning out pretty well so far...

The script is well-written, has flow, keeps interest, and could go somewhere good. However, it also comes across a bit too much like just another standard horror flick. Yeah, it has one or two semi-original ideas thrown into the horror movie concept, but all standard overproduced horror movies do. I think it could be something good, but it could also just be like way too much else.