first post ever. i'm a high school senior and in advanced video productions. we're going to be producing a short film later this year. i've come up with a handful of script ideas over the past week and typed up synopsises for them. please help me by telling me which are good, which are bad, why, how to improve, which to develop and actually write a script for. i'm up for any advice so hold nothing back. Thanks!


SCRIPT IDEAS!

* a mockumentary about a superhero who is losing his powers and having trouble dealing with his new self. (superpower is that he can freeze time)


* a high school student filmmaker is having trouble coming up with a decent script for his film class. it's the night before the script is due and he is up writing and rewriting, ubable to create a good story. He trashes try number seven and starts eight fresh. He thinks about writing a horror story. His character travels through a graveyard in search for the treasure of a local, dead millionaire. In the graveyard he is attacked by the ghost of the millionaire. Realizing it's past 2 AM our writer decides to get a snack. The fridge is empty so he checks in the garage. While in there he hears noises like the ones he's describing in his story. A little spooked he goes back to work on an empty stomach. He's typing and hears a rapping on the window, shocked as hell he jumps and spins looking at the vacant window frame. Now he is paranoid. He closes and locks his door, draws the blinds on his window, turns on all the lights and tv. Even though all of this he is still scared out of his mind. quietly at first there's a knocking on the door, then he can hear fiddling with the outside lock. His eyes dialate, he's sweating like crazy, he can't breath and then lock clicks and the door slowly opens. the writer's imaginative mind takes hold and he imagines something horrible coming his way. He had a heart attack and is unconscious. after hearing the thud, his mother opens the door quickly to see her collapsed son.


* A caring familyman is desperate to get money to pay the bills. He's out of money becuase he's been betting after work and coming home late. Instead of taking the bus home he decides to walk and ponder how to get some monely to start supporting his family again. While on his way he peers down an alley and sees three big guys in suits beating the bad out of a middle aged man. One of the big men see him and says "come here" the familyman runs for it but is cahsed down by the three suited men. They speak in italian and then the obvious leader says offers a deal, in return for his release they want him to make a hit. The familyman demands money in return for him killing their target. they converse in italian again. then agree. he gets five thousand dollars which is enough to tie his bills over unti his next paycheck. they give him a gun, take him to the victim's home. he kills the man and teh italian suits take him home. when he comes home, he doesn't even say hi, he is in shock and feels very very guilty. a few days pass and one morning the italians follow him to work where they tell him they have another job for him. He eitther must take the job or get killed himself, so he accepts. they say to meet at the alley the next night. so he goes.
ENDING A: his son follows him to the alley. the father sees his son and is reminded of the guilt and depression he felt after the first murder and decides not to go thru with it again. in a moment of honor, dignity, and courage he tries to shoot the italian men and make an escape. he succeeds....or doesn't.
ENDING B: as he goes to the alley he is followed by his son. The son stays hidden and no one sees him. He makes a noise and all four men turn toward the boy is hidden from sight. all four are on edge now. the italian guys give him the gun and he fires two practice shots. The son thinks he is shooting one of the italians from his point of view and runs out screaming "no!". the italian guys jsut see darkness and fire towards teh scream. their shots kill the son. The man runs and hugs his son's lifeless body.


* A group of girls talks openly about love, drugs, and alcohol. Most of them feel very comfortable with their constant, enjoyable use of all three. Their openness and endorsement semi-pressures one of the girls to start experimenting with drinking and love. she loses her virginity to a guy who ends up treating her like bad. when she's with her friends she tries to appease them and sound cool so she brags about how great it was even though she is torn up inside. at home and in the bathroom she cries then composes herself before heading out into public. her now partying lifestyle haunts her when she is alone. her fakeness with her friends and feeling of abandonment brings on depression and self-destruction.

(there could be a happy ending where a close friend from teh group empathizes with her and helps her to be who she wants to be and not what the group wants to be)


* As a newlywed begins to feel neglected by her constantly working husband she takes on a lover in an affair. she later discovers her lover's wife is having an affair with the mom's husband. An odd "love-square" becomes defined and only the new wife and her lvoer know what is goign on. In a fit of rage she leaves her lover's hosue and drives home to find her husband with his lover. Without saying a word she walks up to her husband who is dumbfounded, and slaps him. then she tackles the woman. the woman hits her head on a table and dies from blunt force truama. then she turns her anger on her husband and kills him too.


*a man goes to random houses and leaves a note saying, "I am a murderer and in 10 minutes, I will kill you. enjoy the remains of your life." An angry, divorced father gets the note and races to say goodbye to his children after panicking fora few minutes. He calls the school becuase the school is more tahn 10 minutes away. He can't get a hold of them. The clock is ticking down and he debates calling his ex wife. he wants to apologize but doesnt want to give away his pride. He decides against it and goes down to his basement to hide. . he hears some noises as the clock is tickign slower than ever. finally after sweating it out the ten minutes are up. the man begins crying in a corner of his basement, gripping his baseball bat, previously for protection. In his new found elation and appreciation for life, he calls his ex wife to try to make amends. The man with the note watches the man through the window. Satisfied he walks to another house and leaves a note, sitting back and waiting to see his next victim.
(a "saw"-like theme: appreciate ur life)

FIRE AWAY! thanks
PS: titles are helpful too

dont do anythign that you think Hollywood would ever make, its a sure fire sign that ur leaning towards entertaining the weak. if ur in hs use what u have, prolly a ****ty dv cama nd some friends and a house. maybe uve got a prop or two (but no guns!!!). make a film that represents you, not what you think you are. dont be "cool." come up with a plot for a feature film, make it have a concise and cohesive beginning, middle, and end. then take the middle part and film it, and forget about the beginning and end cause that's where the **** is, where the cliches and common falacies are. make a film that u are sure nobody else will watch. make it for urself above all else.

or you could just do a fart and football to the groin piece that you and your friends think are funny, or some teen suicide thought piece, where everyone is really sad yet is still upbeat for some reason.

quote:

make a film that u are sure nobody else will watch

What exactly does this mean Kane? Are you trying to convince him to make such an awful movie that no one will want to watch it?

My advice to you is to steer away from the drama genre, unless you've already got a lot of experience in that area and have incredibly talented actors. The mocumentary about the superhero losing his powers seems like a pretty solid idea, and if done correctly could wind up being very amusing. Make sure your actors play their age too. Don't cast your 18 year old buddies to play middle aged men, etc.

Good Luck!

The only one that really interested me was the first. Plus dv is probably the ideal medium for a mockumentary. The writers block one should be avoided by all means as its been done to death, it's right up there with the hitman with a heart of gold and the drug deal gone bad! Good luck!

And don't dismiss Kane's words he's simply trying to point out that you should decide for yourself what you want to do!


www.mrmilitant.com
www.redkingindependent.com

quote:

make a film that u are sure nobody else will watch

in other words, forget about your audience, use it as a pretense, a set goal, as if you're not even going to show the film to anyone else, btu just make it for urself. its based as an idealistic reply to films like Titanic, Star Wars and E.T. being the most watched films.

I liked the last one a lot. It would be interesting to see the (supposed) last 10 minutes of a person's life. But then you'll need a REALLY good actor for the main part.

after rereading my synopsises i really only like the student filmmaker, the girls, and the 10 minutes murder. i like the superhero, but i can't write a script for a mockumentary, i'd rather get a friend who is a good characer actor to improvise. I plan on taking one or two of the ideas and scripting them out. which one? anything i should tighten up?

as per what i should write, i came up with these ideas on my own creativity. i was in video last year and since then i've done five stories or music videos about a girl and a guy who break up and end up getting together or through fate meet and fall in love. i'm tired of these stories that aren't entertaining in high school. i truly like the synopsises i wrote above and i AM NOT trying to make a statement or a deep, philosophoical themed film, i'm just writing what enjoy writing and the fact that the last story has a quasi-deep meaning is only coincidental. I don't plan on writing anything intentionally arty or anti-hollywood, just something i enjoy, others may enjoy, and keeps video production fun.