Synopsis for a film for my senior year at H.S. Like it, don't like it? Not your type of movie? Why or why not- and please give suggestions.
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Less Than Paradise (working title)


Jake Morton has been alone for most of his life, even around other people. Fed up with college and his failing grades, 20-year-old Jake drops out and has two options. He can return to the hometown he dreads with a head full of shame, or settle down in a secluded, woodsy town for some peace and quiet. Jake moves into a house bequeathed to him by his late Great Uncle, who always believed he was the only one in his family who would break the mold. He attempts to write what will be his magnum opus. The problem is he has nothing to write about. By chance he meets Cecilia, a friend he can barely remember from grade school who moved away and lost touch. Now, this sudden burst of innocent youth that predates Jake’s hell of a high school life gives him a small hope. Jake desperately reaches out to her to cure his loneliness. At the same time, he endures his persistent insomnia and his isolation to the rest of the world.

Cecilia (who prefers to be called Jess) realizes Jake’s despondent state and commits herself to better his life. She takes him to a party and introduces Jake to all of her friends, to which Jake simply responds with a despondent “wallflower” attitude. They talk over an intimate dinner, something Jake has never really experienced, and the two learn many things they never knew about each other as children. Jake can see Cecilia’s inner hurting from a bad past he knew nothing about as a kid. He tries to help her- but it seems she doesn’t need his help.

In the meantime, Jake goes through many of the humdrum day jobs he watched his parents waste away at, while writing his masterpiece at night. He finally decides to combine the two when he finds a job as gravedigger working the midnight shift. There he finds Larry, an eccentric man approaching his 40’s who seems to be the master of his own life. Larry guides Jake and points out certain things he may never have noticed in life. During the day Jake hangs out with his only friend, Cecilia, and observes her job at a home for the mentally impaired. There he meets a young man named Rob who doesn’t talk to anyone or even acknowledge them. Here he sees someone so alone- like him- but they do not CHOOSE to be, which works something powerful inside him.

As Cecilia continues to try and help Jake write his novel, he grows more and more focused on her- as if she is the only person that matters in the world, and he subconsciously expects the same from her. Unfortunately, Jake’s delusion is harshly broken up by reality, as he sees Cecilia has made perhaps a stronger bond with a young man named Tom. Apparently on and off High School “sweethearts”, their bond is obviously much more mature and shadows the very distant one Jake and Cecilia shared. He suddenly realizes that she has changed too, which does not comply with his innocent childhood image of her. He suddenly sees her as everyone else and feels used and tricked. In Jake’s disturbed, lonely mind, jealousy rages, and he pushes the one woman willing to help him, regardless of feelings, away. Now Jake tries to find compassion wherever he can (phone sex lines, random girls at bars).

Nothing helps. He doesn’t sleep. All he can do is spy on happy families and happy people who seem to be mocking him. He has bad ideas in his head, which are acted out in violent dreams during the quick snippets of slumber he nods off too. This town that Jake hoped would be a “paradise” just seems to be a carbon copy of his hometown, but with more trees. Finally, one day at work, Larry notices Jake’s now complete transformation from a sad person becoming happy to a completely silent zombie, commenting “You look like you should be in one of these,” as the two dig a grave. Completely reluctant, Jake finally budges and explains his problem. Larry explains to him what life is about and what he needs to do. After the silent weeks of pain, Jake must confess his true feelings for her. This is a powerful climax where he states everything he feels, in front of Cecilia- and her now boyfriend Tom.

In the end, Jake realizes that everyone changes, even him. He doesn’t cure his loneliness, but instead realizes he CAN cure his loneliness, as he starts to write again. He also realizes he’s more important to people than he thinks, as he finds out that Cecilia felt the same nostalgic feelings he did, and that he indeed helped her with her own problems. Even Larry admits that Jake is the only good friend he’s had in a long time, which almost makes Jake cry- an emotion we’ve never seen from him.

As the movie closes, Jake decides to visit his family for the holidays. The end is him looking through a group of pictures Cecilia had taken earlier. The last one is a picture of him, alone, looking right into the camera, with a hint of a smile. He sees a reflection of himself- a combination of the kid he was and what he was then. He now knows his life isn’t over, and that this, like his childhood, was a past he could always look back on.

The story is not bad, but I think it would work better as a novel. Internal conflict is difficult to film as it is not visual, unless you use flashback techniques and/or dream sequences to see inside the characters mind.

Jake is too inactive throughout the entire piece...to be frank, he's barely even reactive. He doesn't take any decisive action on anything until the very end...there's something at stake when he confronts Cecilia with his feelings (though the scene kinda seems to deflate rather than pops...what's the "powerful climax"? I like powerful climaxes, as do most people I know. ).

I think you have to make the stakes clear near the start and then show him struggling to get what he wants (or thinks he wants) for the rest of the story. Is it Cecilia? Is it his novel? What is it that he really really wants for once in his drab meaningless life? What's the one thing he's finally willing to fight for? Make him fight for it! ...early on, too, before I turn the channel

ACTION: He can't stand college and his life that propels toward the 9-5 slump he does not want to fall into.

REACTION: He moves to a small town to become a writer.

ACTION: He meets Cecilia, one of the only things that he can remember from his childhood, before his life starting going down the drain.

REACTION: he begins to latch onto her and find comfort in her. He in turn finds out she has problems from her childhood he could not have fixed back then.

ACTION: he tries to help her and make her focus on her problems.

REACTION: She avoids her problems. She doesn't ask him for help. This makes Jake feel even more worthless combined with his writer's block.

ACTION: She obviously finds joy in spending time with friend's she has established since Jake and her have last known each other.

REACTION: Jake grows jealous- pushes Cecilia away who is also trying to help him.

Both feel for each other- both push each other away. Jake feels like he must confront her about his true feelings to close a chapter on his life.


Jake's goal: Close a chapter on his life to move from one direction----> to the other.

i didn't like it, its too 'clean'. not realistic. and I don't really see the point in him wanting to be a writer, don't you think is overdone in movies? Someone leaves society to achieve a dream of theres, and when this happens a bunch of other crap gets in the way. I can't give film examples, but I know its been done before, several times.

you didn't give us anything really original to describe WHY the main character likes this girl, all she does is take him to dinner and encourage him to write his novel.

the problem is your main character is a loser, it seems like this loser wants attention (thus the novel maybe?) but the rest doesn't work that much, especially him crying with the gravedigger.

I really don't know how to make it any better, maybe a whole lot of story change, its just whenever i read certain parts I envision this as an Adam Sandler romantic comedy, just without the humor.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it has no potential, it's just that the story doesn't sound tight. Some things in your list aren't really actions and some feel unconnected.

Let's stay with Jake's goal. I think the goal as you've stated it is bordering on theme...putting the past behind you and moving on with your life...but you certainly can hang some goals for Jake on it that move the story along and tell the audience something about Jake and the people in his life and communicate the theme.

For example: At the start of your synopsis above, you actually don't have Jake wanting to put his past behind him...he wants to avoid a 9-5 life and his current problems. But this story is about dealing with the past, so get right to it...something should come out of his past and hit him on the head (figuratively) and force him to deal with it. Let's say he's forced to go back to his home town to deal with a problem with his uncle's property. That would be his goal: he wants to finish dealing with a problem (one from his past) - his uncle's property - and get away. He doesn't like the past and doesn't want to deal with it. He's got enough problems with school and things in his present.

But just when he thinks he will reach his goal, here comes something else out of his past...Cecilia. Maybe they've never considered each other romantically. Here he is, back from the big city...she's impressed and he's having fun playing up the worldly-city-man role (even though he knows his life is really s***). He wanted to leave, but now maybe he's not so eager and can hang around a couple extra days because he's kinda liking this Cecilia thing. His goal has changed a bit...now it's the single-loner past he wants to put behind him by impressing Cecilia some more and making himself feel better about himself.

Just when he thinks things are going great and he's pulling it off and he's enjoying himself, she unknowningly drops a bomb by inviting him to the party...with kids he may have known and may remember him as the single-loner dude from high school. Now he's in trouble...he might not look so big, and he frets about whether he can live up to the image he encouraged Cecilia to have. His goal now: keep Cecilia's interest by successfully putting behind his single-loner past with their peers.

...and of course he fails! He leaves the party in shame. Screw it, I'm going back to my crap life in the city. But! Cecilia sees what's really going on and feels bad. She goes after him and they talk. He sees she's more than just some cute chick to impress, and she sees he's a deep, decent guy. Maybe they have some kind of romantic time in uncles old, abandoned mansion staring at the stars or something more passionate.

What happens next? Does he stay? Does he feel sorry for himself and go? If he stays, what about the problems he has put on hold back at school and this single-loner past that haunts him here? If he goes, he might miss this good thing with Cecilia (that might help him put his past behind him!).

See where I'm going? I'm no expert, but I think you've got a lot of good elements there, they just need to be put together a little tighter and the actions a little clearer.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: poptart,

i hope its set in Canada, cause i know lots of loners like this, in a kind of depression that is paralleled only by the lonely cold ass winters and use/abuse of canadian beer, but i hate him gravedigger working the midnight shift, its too cliche and how many graves need to be dug in a secluded, woodsy town? I would have him work some place else, like at a grocery store at night, or at canadian tire

No offense poptart, but you're film suggestion was even more muddled, and even more cliched than mine.

Well envisioned (sp?) but I agree that it might not shoot. Many times you say he just falls back into his "cave" of boredom and depression well you'll be bringing the audience into that cave with him and it could result in a major turn off. I agree with Kyle that its a good setup but you are missing a major ingredient and I believe the issue for me, relates to him being a writer. (God no not another writers block story) Change his profession, make it visual, so we as an audience (the enemy :0)have more to experience than Jake hunched over a typerwriter.

What you have is a clearly defined subtext , how his relationship to the outside world stands in the way of a healthy realization of self. This is great, just add a plot that explores his external goals in a more engaging and original way.

Hey adding my worthless two cents without any usefull suggestions is fun, I think I'll become a critic or maybe a screenwriting teacher! GLORY WILL BE MINE!!!!!!

Good luck, its a good story.

To tell you the truth, i've always hated the writing thing too. I don't know, everyone pretty much tells me it sucks and right now it just looks like a big ****ing mess. I'll probably just abandon it. I really needed to get this stuff out, and I realize a lot of the problems you guys point out are there, it's just collecting more and more garbage along the way. I need this to reflect my life though, so these are really the things I need to keep:

-He's an insomniac- I think when the character is alone at any part of the movie, his insomnia can fill in any parts without dialogue. If you think about it, it's a good tool for some fresh directing and I think making him look more and more pathetic and zombie like as the film goes on would inject some humor into this.

-He's a loner: Overdone? Maybe. But there are a lot of disturbed people out there, and they don't "get the girl". Watch Taxi Driver.

-A girl who wants to help him-A girl who wants to cure his lonliness but has problems of her own that she claims she is over with, but really isn't.

-His feeling of a lost youth.



God this whole thing is a ****ing mess. Ive been spending weeks on this and I can't take it anymore. I feel like I'm going to pass out and die. Somebody please help me right now!


P.S.- REDking, thank you for the helpful, and *still positive* post. Yours is the only one that didn't get me down.

I agree with redking, visual. maybe combine writing with art. make him write comic books.

and Taxi driver isn't a good example, Taxi Driver is about a crazy guy. that story is deep to the bone. and that movie was aslo made like 30 years ago, by now the "guy doesn't get girl" story is very cliched, Taxi driver on the other hand put a different spin on it.

I deffinatly think there is some potential here. The problem is that you have to find some way to make his internal struggle visual to the viewer without having talking heads all movie. Which won't be easy vut is certainly possible.

Keep in mind that people are reply to help you. You seem to not be taking the critism well. You don't have to make all the cahnges people offer but it doesn't hurt to think about it instead of lashing back at the person trying to hwlp you.


Cammo

I can't type today

Yes, maybe Taxi Driver was too extreme- I just meant I don't want this to turn into a blissful love story, which poptart sort of suggested. It didn't happen to me, and I just think it's more realisitc.

And I like to think Taxi Driver was about a lonely man, not a crazy guy.



And by the way: no one takes criticism well, really. I don't mind suggestions and all that, but I like them to be clear and still postive. REDking did a good and I think you did too. Call me immature but I think pointing out mistakes but saying "it has potential" or "it's still possible" are important, even if you don't mean it. Positive reinforcements are always helpful. Just saying "This story really just doesn't work at all" is the mark of a cynic.

I actually wasn't thinking of it as a love story, but was just talking about it as straight story pared down to the bone. I stopped at a mid-point. Hell, maybe they don't fall in love. Or maybe they do and never act on it.

The visual aspects can change the tone any number of ways...stories about dealing with the past can be screwball like "Something About Mary," or dark like "Mystic River," or both, like "Grosse Pointe Blank."

Just suggestions. I don't usually do it and probably won't anymore.

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And by the way: no one takes criticism well, really. I don't mind suggestions and all that, but I like them to be clear and still postive. REDking did a good and I think you did too. Call me immature but I think pointing out mistakes but saying "it has potential" or "it's still possible" are important, even if you don't mean it. Positive reinforcements are always helpful. Just saying "This story really just doesn't work at all" is the mark of a cynic.

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Well, ya shouldn't have posted in your first post:

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Nervous Larry:
Synopsis for a film for my senior year at H.S. Like it, don't like it? Not your type of movie? Why or why not- and please give suggestions.[QUOTE]

But I do like the story.

The worst part about writing is writing.

Larry its time to write the damn thing. Its driving you nuts cause its swirling around your brain and until you actually put down the words it will keep swirling. Keep it simple, stick to the "spine" of the story (as Goldman puts it) and write a treatment. You'll flush it out of your system and actually have something to tweek later on.

But I feel your pain. I hate synopsis's or explaining to people in a pitch what my stories are about before I have written them. Its like trying to explain the personalities of my children that aren't born yet. You won't know until you actually create the damn thing.

NOW WRITE!

Oh I know- but what do you think the reason is I came here? I feel so unsure about it. It seems so forced and overdone.

But, while riding in a car tonight I suddenly got a bit of inspiration. I think maybe it's better if I just keep it simpler and to the point:

How about a main character who is around 20 and is coerced back into his hometown by his old buddy, to meet up with old friends from highschool. Pretty much the same characteristics, but he meets a girl there he was friends with and had a lot of feelings for but he never really told her, because she fell for his best friend. Now as he returns to the town and people he never really liked or connected to, he reflects bac on the highschool days he wasted and finds himself taking a liking to this girl again, and finding the same thing happening again.

Of course, that's just the internal conflict, and this is really more of a character peace anyway.

That is something I was sort of going for, but I mean that's like a thousand different movies, am i right? And that kind of sounds like that film "Garden State" that just came out (same sort of setup). Anyway, you like this new idea better or the old? Or is the new one too played out? ANSWER OR DIE

if you're not liking what you're coming up with....but you keep trying, then maybe you should'nt be using that idea.

it takes time to figure out what you REALLY wanna write about. not enough writers do this, they just repeat what they saw and liked in a movie/novel. and a lot just stick with their first original idea - rethink ideas...OVER and OVER again. Don't stick with your first idea, keep changing it

I like crime movies, thats what I used to write about, but now I'm discovering that I don't think thats what I really wanna be writing.

I just get the feeling you don't like your story as much as you should, could it be because you're limited? (you said this is for school) Maybe you're thinking too much of what other people are gonna think of your movie, and from that they'll judge you. I'm only saying that because I used to think that way. Screw what people think, this is your big chance to show a group of people something great and different. Why stick to cliches? Show your fellow classmates what film SHOULD be about, not wasted away cliches and BS, do something inspiring, different, never seen before (wont' be hard, kids these days havent see sh**)

Good luck bro.

Hey thanks, and yes I'm VERY limited. If I could, I would write about some really great shocking story. But I'm VERY limited. I can barely have curse words, and NO VIOLENCE. Plus remember we're all H.S. kids and we're limited. Did I like my idea? Yes- I did. My original one. I've had one concept brewing in my mind for months- but there are a lot of limitations and I kept adding and changing things until it became that mess at the top of the page. I really wanted to go for something more simple like the thing I described in my last post, but that's cliche. But this is a character piece- so you know what, **** it, I'll do that one. I mean, like you said, these kids haven't seen the most orignal things in this festival over the years. I think I'll start over with that idea and work from there. There are some things I need to get out, and I'll just erase the bull**** grave diggers and all that. It's just to make my movie "different"- but it just makes it more the same. Anyway, thanks again.


And today i visited an indy movie set. After reading the description on IMDB I suddenly saw why my movie blew. If you thought my movie went in a lot of directions, look at this http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0417385/plotsummary

I don't mean to sound like an *******, but I think that proves we could all get movies made. I'm sorry but that plot sucks.