Hi, I'm working on an independent horror/science fiction television series called "Origin". It's about a girl that finds out she can see spirits, and that she can make them. (Sort of a necromancer-y person). The whole series is being created by teenagers.

Anyways, I just finished the shooting draft of the 63-page script, and I wanted to know if anybody had any advice on the script and/or production of the series. (I'm also seeking teenage screenwriters for an episode or two).

Here's the script (in PDF format): http://www.freewebs.com/timothyweb/1.01%20Pilot%20(Shooting%20Draft).pdf

Please don't take the script for your own - it took a lot of work!

Anyways, how's it sound?

I read the first five pages or so, and it's pretty engaging. I'm not going to point out the broken screenplay rules, because as you said it is your shooting draft and not for other people per say. If I have time I'll read more of it. It flows like a TV show, and it got my attention. I think it needs more hooks, like the line "I'm stronger than you think." That really stands out. I'm like "how? What can she do?"

Best of luck!

Thanks! I'm going to try to foreshadow alot in the first few scenes, because I love watching a television episode, then going "Hey! I should have known that was going to happen!".



Thanks for the really fast response, too! Now I have to go work on it more....

EDIT: Wow, I just watched "Fletcher the Alien Catcher", and wanted to say how great the camera work and story was!