FADE IN:


INT. EDWARD’S HOUSE - NIGHT

EDWARD is having a party, his wife, JOANNE is flirting with various men. From afar Edward watches, he tries not to notice as he prepares the drinks, while Joanne flirts with two men.

Edward constantly looks up and down trying not to acknowledge as he approaches them.

EDWARD
Here… Drinks…

JOANNE
Why thank you Edward.

GUY 1
Why thanks Eddie.

GUY 2
I might as well take two.

Guy 2 takes Edward’s drink. Edward watches as the drink leaves the tray.

EDWARD
(mumbles)
My drink…

Instantly they all stop laughing.

JOANNE
Edward, why don’t you uh… go to
the bathroom for fifteen… make it
twenty minutes, okay sweetie?

Guy 1 & 2 start laughing again along with Joanne as Edward leaves the living room.

BATHROOM

Edward emerges in the bathroom, he sprays water on his face and looks deep into the mirror.

EDWARD
(sigh)
Edward… Edward… Edward…

Edward looks up and smiles.

EDWARD
That slut…
(BEAT)
I bet... that right now, she
is getting her brains ****ed
by those two *******s.
(BEAT)
A *****… that’s what she is…
a ****ing *****… and I’m…
I’m gonna kill her.

Edward grabs a small revolver from the drawer.

EDWARD
That’s it I’m gonna kill her and
her two **** buddies. I’m gonna
go up, and shoot the first one
right there.

Edward points to the side of the jaw.

EDWARD
Then there…

Edward points to his forehead.

EDWARD
Then that ****er who stole my drink…
I’ll ****ing… I’ll ****ing shoot
him - bang - bang…
I
(BEAT)
Then the slut queen… I’ll shoot her
till there is nothing left… swiss cheese
slut… ha-ha-ha dead *****… good *****.

Edward puts more water on his face, and looks back up at himself in the mirror. He nods and leaves the bathroom. TRACK.

LIVING ROOM

Edward has hatred in his eyes as he walks along the wall. In the living room Joanne and Guy 2 is kissing her pushing her up against the wall, almost ****ing her. He stops and turns to see Edward down the hall. Immediately he stops kissing Joanne.

GUY 2
Uhh…

JOANNE
**** me… he’s not going to do
anything… He’s to weak… Go back
Edward!

EDWARD
No.

JOANNE
Then watch and see what a real man
does.

See pulls Charlie on top of her. Charlie resumes kissing/****ing Joanne. Edward walks back, almost hesitant. Then suddenly he sighs and emerges behind Joanne. Charlie stops kissing and looks up. Edward pulls out the gun and shoots Charlie in the middle of the forehead.

Charlie is thrown back, blood spurting everywhere. Guy 1 runs out. Joanne is calm.

GUY 1
What the hell is?

Edward raises the gun and shoots Guy 1 three times, sending the hulking man crashing to the ground. He then points the gun to Joanne who is sitting on the chair smoking and drinking alcohol.

JOANNE
What, you’re gonna kill me next?
You don’t have the balls to kill me…
That’s why I ****ed around Eddie…
Because you’re a dick less coward.

Edward raises the gun and shoots Joanne dead.

EDWARD
End of discussion.

FADE OUT


------------------------------------------------

Formatting off a bit, this is a short, short script I wrote in the middle of the night. I might make it into a picture - if I can get good actors it could come off pretty good - a man who is trampled on and trampled on, gains his confidence back by killing his wife... the scorn whose trying to see what he's made of by ****ing around.

This is every "kill your sleep around wife" movie I've ever seen. You've just stripped the subtext and back story and crammed the necessities into a couple pages.

This is the new years party in Boogie Nights when William H. Macy kills his wife. In fact, that scene is your script exactly. It just bored me, basically, there's nothing wrong with it besides unoriginality.

What if all the guests turned out to be robots that the man designed so that his wife would think she has friends and would be happy. He tries to instruct the robots to kill her, but they all like her too much because she's slept with all of them, so they try to kill him instead!

quote:

Originally posted by BrandonGlossop:
This is every "kill your sleep around wife" movie I've ever seen. You've just stripped the subtext and back story and crammed the necessities into a couple pages.

This is the new years party in Boogie Nights when William H. Macy kills his wife. In fact, that scene is your script exactly. It just bored me, basically, there's nothing wrong with it besides unoriginality.

What if all the guests turned out to be robots that the man designed so that his wife would think she has friends and would be happy. He tries to instruct the robots to kill her, but they all like her too much because she's slept with all of them, so they try to kill him instead!

Actually they're Nazi robots, who have a dance number in middle of the story. They all have roller blades and where tights in the colors of orange and purple-pink. Decored in full roller skater gear and thick mustaches and live in a bowling alley on 32nd Street...

I'm working for economic feesability - having the third reich of killer robo-roller-homo-men is a little too much on the costly side.

I know it is unoriginal, I'm not going to deny that - but's it's cheap, cheap is good when it comes to being unemployed. Plus I'm to lazy to gratify myself with coming up with an original idea, at the moment.

I'm going to have to agree with Brandon on this one. This short is just boring. unoriginal. I would say go back and change it. Make it so he gains his confidence back by perhaps holding the two men and his wife at gunpoint and making them do all sorts of horrible sexual acts to eachother. Embarassing.

Eric, people of all ages visit these forums. Try to keep that in mind.

quote:

Originally posted by CP-Eric:
I'm going to have to agree with Brandon on this one. This short is just boring. unoriginal. I would say go back and change it. Make it so he gains his confidence back by perhaps holding the two men and his wife at gunpoint and making them do all sorts of horrible sexual acts to eachother. Embarassing.

That'd be too much like the ending of One Hour Photo.

What's going to happen is the female is going to smile when the guy puts the gun to her face - and in that instant she realizes that the guy wasn't a push over, wasn't to be disrespected... She sees the man inside, and in her being killed, Edward regains his confidence... he takes no ****, he takes back his territory. He isn't in it for revenge persay, moreso to show that he is a man. I like the sex acts thing but, it still says that he'll make other men sleep with his wife - his wife doubts Eddie's potential to be a man and stop this, she would wanna get ****ed by these two guys at gunpoint or not. By killing the guys he get's the interest of his wife back, and in killing her redeems himself in his own eyes as a dignified human being.

An alternate ending, just a thought. Starting just before JOANNE's last words:

JOANNE stares at EDWARD, looking very confused.

JOANNE
What are you doing Edward?
Edward? Edward, what are you doing?

Suddenly EDWARD realizes he is standing in front of JOANNE and the two less-than-gentlemen holding their drinks. He never killed anyone, never went to the bathroom.

JOANNE
Edward, you silly man, where did
you run off to in that stupid
little head of your's?

Both GUY 1 and GUY 2 are laughing it up and JOANNE starts giggling. GUY 2 reaches for EDWARD's drink.

GUY 2
I might as well take two.

EDWARD takes a step back and looks at GUY 2, shocked he would ever try something like that. GUY 2 stumbles a bit, not prepared for EDWARD's action.

GUY 2
Hey man!

JOANNE
EDWARD!

EDWARD
(under his breath)
Yeah, Edward.

EDWARD tosses his drink in GUY 2's face, causing him to lose his balance and fall towards EDWARD. EDWARD grabs a handful of GUY 2's hair and brings the man's face into his knee. Blood spurts everywhere as GUY 2 falls back on the couch moaning (not quite screaming) in agony. EDWARD grabs GUY 1 with both hands and slams him up against the wall. By this time, everyone in the party has crowded around to see what's going down.

EDWARD
YOU WANT SOME TOO! YOU WANT SOME TOO, YOU PIECE OF ****!

GUY 1
No ... no ... I just ... I

As GUY 1 mumbles on with disconnected sentances, EDWARD lets go of the man's shirt. GUY 1 slides down the wall, putting his hands in his hair in that extremely stressed way. EDWARD turns to JOANNE and the two stare at each other, at first both of their faces look very hard. JOANNE smiles and steps toward EDWARD, arm extended in a "that's-MY-man" way. EDWARD doesn't change his hard expression, he doesn't move towards JOANNE, nor does he even take her hand. He simply turns and points to the door. He looks around at everyone in the room.

EDWARD
Everyone, the party is over.

GUY 1 gets up and walks out, awestruck. GUY 2 stands and walks out with his head held back, blood running down his front. A pool of blood has dried around his crotch and he looks as though he pissed his pants full of blood. As everyone else heads for the door, EDWARD looks back to JOANNE, staring her right in the eye.

EDWARD
So why doesn't everyone get the **** (with emphasis in case you can't see the 'F' word was capitalized) OUT OF MY HOUSE!

Alright I like it, but instead of alternate ending, it is the ending - as in he wants to kill Joanne - slit her throat SLIT HER THROAT!!! but doesn't have the balls to do it, it was a quick thought that came to his head during the conversation, that results finally in him kicking the two guys out and the girl.

Im a bit confused by your response. If you didn't like it I'm sorry. I just felt like writing it out. If you do like it, awesome, take it, i just felt like writing it out.