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Picture of Trespasser
Posted
Logline: Sometimes a look says nothing. Other times, it says everything.

I wrote this extremely short script a couple of days ago and I would greatly appreciate any feedback. It's a very, VERY simple idea with a typical cliche concept and ending. I was going to shoot it this summer on 16mm as an excercise. Let me know what you think, thanks.

The Look

FADE IN:

EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY
CAMERA booms down to reveal an ominous looking yellow dead end sign. A car drives in front of it and ROARS down an empty road.

EXT. GATE
A gate comes down blocking off the entrance to the road beyond. There is a keypad next to it where one is to enter a code.

The car drives up to the lowered gate and stops, shifting to neutral gear.

INT. CAR
Two clean-cut, normal looking guys, GUY 1, and GUY 2 give each other a look.

Guy 1 leans over to the gate keypad and types in a code.

The gate opens. Guy 1 shifts to first gear, and drives through.

The guys give each other another look.

Guy 1 looks back at the road. Before he realizes it, he SMACKS into a PERSON walking in the middle of the road.

EXT. HIGHWAY
CAMERA booms up from the yellow dead end sign. An ambulance drives up the road ahead.

EXT. GATE
The ambulance - with an AMBULANCE DRIVER and an AMBULANCE ASSISTANT in the passenger seat - stops at the gate.

The Ambulance Driver gives the Ambulance Passenger a look.

The end.
 
Posts: 912 | Location: Chicago | Registered: April 02, 2003Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
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Picture of titaniumdoughnut
AIM: Online Status For thegoldencheddar
Posted Hide Post
um... its cool, but I don't get it. If I saw that as a movie my comment would be "dude, wtf?" Smile


| PerryKroll.com | TRC | "If not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled." Wodehouse
 
Posts: 5197 | Location: Tisch at New York University | Registered: June 03, 2003Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
Sophomore
Picture of Kurt Wagner
Posted Hide Post
yep, i must concur with titanium donughnut's comment... I just don't see the point in the whole thing. But the writing in your script sounded interesting until the end when I thought, "what was the point in that?"

I think anything that is considered a film, should have a story. I just see a scene. But good idea as an excercise though... the shots sounded pretty interesting in your script.
 
Posts: 235 | Location: Miami, FL | Registered: November 28, 2004Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
Freshman
Picture of Hannahbanana
Posted Hide Post
I think that I'm sort of getting it, but you need to explain the significance of the look more. Maybe the script just seems confusing but it would make sense on screen?


Teh strange muffins!
"Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate"
 
Posts: 20 | Location: Passaic, NJ | Registered: January 07, 2005Reply With QuoteEdit or Delete MessageReport This Post
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