Hi,

I'm new to this site. I'm hoping to get some feedback on the script I've pasted below. It's a short film that I plan to produce as my final project for filmmmaking class at the end of this semester.

The name of the film is still in the works and please excuse the formatting....this forum isn't kind to script formatting. I appriciate all feedback.

FADE IN:

EXT. KEVIN’S COLLEGE DORM ROOM - EVENING
A pinkish sun sets in the distance of Wilkinson University’s dormitories.

INT. KEVIN’S COLLEGE DORM ROOM
KEVIN RICHMOND enters his dorm bathroom.

INT. KEVIN’S DORM BATHROOM
KEVIN approaches the sink in the bathroom grasping a piece of paper in his hand. He puts the paper on the counter beside him and turns the faucet on to fill the sink with warm water. He stares at himself in the mirror and then looks back down into the water. KEVIN turns the faucet off. Inside a medicine cabinet he finds a straight-edged razor blade. He grabs the razor and drags it upward over his wrist. He stares at himself in the mirror again. A tear drop falls from his eye. He submerges his hands into the warm water, blood gushes outward, coloring the water red.

CUT TO:

INT. RICHMOND KITCHEN
MOTHER RICHMOND rinses a tomato under water at the kitchen sink. She starts slicing the tomato on a cutting board. The telephone rings.

MOTHER
Hello.

JESSICA RICHMOND (O.S.)
Mom, I’m finished my project with Alicia. Can you come pick me up?

MOTHER
Sure, I’m on my way.

MOTHER wipes her hands with a towel and grabs her car keys.

MOTHER
Ryan, I’m going to pick up Jess from Alicia’s house; we’ll eat when I get back.

RYAN (O.S.)
All right mom. Don’t forget, I have to meet my study group at the library tonight.
A door being closed is heard off screen.

INT. RYAN’S BEDROOM
RYAN RICHMOND is sitting at his laptop, typing a word processing document with the television on. His bedroom overlooks the front of the house. Through his window, he sees his mother backing out of the driveway. He lays on his bed watching television for a short while. His eyes get heavy and he eventually falls asleep.

INT. KEVIN’S BEDROOM
A gust of wind floods the room and knocks a picture frame off the desk.

INT. RYAN’S BEDROOM
A strange, high-pitched, noise is emerging from the speakers of RYAN’s television. The screen has a fuzzy, snow picture. RYAN turns the television off and gets up.

INT. HALLWAY
RYAN crosses the hallway to take a shower. He feels a cold breeze coming from his brother, KEVIN’S, room.

INT. KEVIN’S BEDROOM
RYAN enters the room and closes the window. RYAN picks up the picture from the floor; the frame is cracked. He sets the picture back on the desk. RYAN leaves the bedroom and enters the bathroom. The door closes.

FADE OUT.
FADE IN:

INT. BATHROOM
RYAN’S hand slides across the mirror wiping through the steam. Standing in a white tee shirt and gym shorts, RYAN styles his hair and washes his hands. He cups his hands to lift water onto his face. He notices that the water starts turning from clear to a reddish color. He shuts the faucet immediately. When he looks up into the mirror, KEVIN is next to him.

RYAN
Kevin? Jesus Christ man, you scared the **** out of me. What the hell are you doing home?

KEVIN doesn’t respond to RYAN. He stares at him through the mirror. Blood drips from his arm onto the floor. RYAN crouches down.

RYAN
(suspicious) What’s going on, you’re bleeding.

By the time RYAN wipes the blood from the floor and returns to the sink KEVIN has vanished. Puzzled, RYAN looks around.

RYAN
Yo dude, where did you go? Mom should be back soon, then we’re gonna eat. (pause)

INT. KEVIN’S BEDROOM
RYAN (CONT’D)
And, how come you’re home? (pause) Kevin? Why won’t you answer? Is dorm life really that bad. (pause) Well, **** you then.

RYAN turns to leave the bedroom and sees his brother sitting on the bed, staring at him with his arms outward. Blood is all over the sheets.

KEVIN opens his mouth and blood dribbles out. The high-pitched sound heard on the television pierces RYAN'S ears.

RYAN
(frightened) Holy **** Kevin! What did you do?!

In a state of shock, RYAN backs out of KEVIN’S room. KEVIN disappears from the bed and the sheets no longer have bloody stains. A door slams downstairs.

INT. RYAN’S BEDROOM
The door slamming startles RYAN and wakes him from his sleep.

INT. RICHMOND KITCHEN
MOTHER
Ryan, I’m home. Let’s eat so you can go to your study group.

RYAN comes into the kitchen and sits at the table with his mother. They begin eating dinner.

RYAN
Where’s Alicia?

MOTHER
Outside. She’ll be right in.

There are a few awkward moments of silence.

RYAN
(hesitant) Mom, have you talked to Kevin?

MOTHER
Yes, about an hour ago. Why?

RYAN
I don’t know. I have a weird feeling like something’s wrong. I had a dream that he died; it was so weird. It felt so real.

MOTHER
Ryan, don’t talk like that! It was a dream. I think you’ve just got a lot on your mind right now.

RYAN
I guess.

FADE OUT.
FADE IN:

INT. HALLWAY
MOTHER is walking through the hallway with a pile of clothes in her arms.

INT. BATHROOM
MOTHER collects a towel from the bathroom and adds it to her pile. She notices a small, folded piece of paper with a drop of blood on it lying on the bathroom floor. She picks it up.

MOTHER
What’s this?

She unravels the piece of paper. And starts to read.

CUT TO:
INT. TELEPHONE
The telephone rings.

INT. BATHROOM
MOTHER is standing in the bathroom with a horrific look on her face.

FADE OUT.