Hi,

I need a help for my script. I need help with describing the SCENES. Like bathroom scene work example.

here is the link:

www.byparlak.com/lockinbyfirat.htm


p.s. i know i have a grammer mistakes. casuse i just learn this language last year.

thank you.
Firat

Great script , I would only change afew things tho...
(1) I think you should change the names. The reason why, is that this is America, (unless this film is based somewhere else) LOTS of different people come from LOTS of different countries to live in America.... and I’m pretty sure that not everybody in other countries, are named Chris, Taylor, Jane & Ben. Instead of having Chris, Taylor & Ben, you might have it, Chris, Angelo & Lin.....

(2) I never really got the ages of Jane, Ben, Chris & Taylor... You did say "JANE, 17s." but later on you said 'kids' so I wasn't quite sure...

(3) I don't like ouija boards, but that's just me... and everyones not me...



OK, I changed around the last bathroom part a little....

INT. ADELPHI BATHROOM - SAME TIME

We see CHRIS. He is looking around.
Then he walks as fast as he can toward the bathroom door.

Suddenly, a toilet flushes.

CHRIS slows to a halt.

CUT TO:

CHRIS slowly turns around and walks over to the stall that the flushing is coming from.

He leans over, just a little, to try and look under the stall door.
The door is ajar, and CHRIS sees a shadow move across the opening.

He quickly straightens up and steps back.

After a pause, he slowly pushes on the door.

The door creaks loudly as he slowly opens the door all the way, but he does not see anything except the toilet flushing itself.

CUT TO:

Some one, in a sudden, appears in the blurry-view of
background.

CUT TO:

CHRIS senses the person and he suddenly stands stock-still.

CUT TO:

The person starts to move toward him and touches his
shoulder.

CUT TO:

CHRIS lets out a little scream and turns around.

CUT TO:

But gets freeze after he realizes that the person is copy of
CHRIS. He does not believe what is he seeing.

CUT TO:

THE OTHER CHRIS has white eyes and looks sceary.

He turns his head left and right.

After that his eyes gets normal.

CUT TO:

Both looking each other.

CUT TO:



INT. ADELPHI HALLWAY

CHIRS exits the bathroom and walks. He seems he did not see
anything in the bathroom.

TO BE CONTINUED


You might ever have the other CHRIS crack his neak when he turns his head left and right.
Just a thought...

Good job on the script,
Gronk

P.S. You grammer is very good keep up the good work.

THANK YOU SO MUCH !!