I have just finished my first script. I know that it is not in any correct format, but its all dialogue because I will b e shooting this short on a budget. My budget is $800.

Anyways Please tell me what you think of my script and be honest please. Tell me if you liked it or if youdidnt and why. Tell me if there was nany parts you liked or didnt like and tell me what I can do to MAKE IT BETTER or what I should add or take away. Please be specific if you can.

http://webspace.ringling.edu/~rfiermo1/Jennifer1.txt

thanks,
Monkey See Productions

Well in my opinion it was a lot of build up for a not so big pay off. Hank and James go on and on about James' girl troubles yada yada and then all of a sudden it ends. I could see how an abrupt ending kind of violates the viewers' expectations, yet I still feel it was a little too rushed. Perhaps something else happens in between the party and the next morning to really interest the viewer. I feel that Hank seemed to play a pivotal role in the beginning but then he really didnt do anything to make me feel he helped to solve James' 'problem'.

Overall I liked the idea and think it has a lot of possibilities.

Hope this helps a bit and good luck

From looking at it quickly, it's a *lot* of dialogue. How long do you expect this to be? I'd find some way of stripping out unnecessary words and phrases. Pare it down. If you look at most Hollywood scripts, even 'talky' ones, you'll find that there is far less dialogue than most people think.

Also, dialogue is not really cheaper to shoot than action. If you're shooting on video, and you already have the camera, what's the $800 going towards? Actors, craft service, props?

interesting. I noticed that as well. Thanks for the idea. DId you think that any of it was funny ornot? Or did it come across as hokey or stupid?

-thanks

That is my budget overall. I like dialogue because it helps explain the story.

Its a good point. I mean 800 is alot of money for a short film budget, what do you plant to use it on?

Ok well, I think this film is ALOT like the new movie The Long Weekend, except for the funny stuff in the middle. So basically, you have the same idea, but the long weekend was realyl funny. It's OK, just nothing GREAT.

Whats the long weekend? Hmm I should check it out. Ok so what could make this Scipt Great? Any Ideas?