I just finished it. Maybe if I had a camera (hell, if I had money) I'd film it.

I particularily like the dream sequence and the ending. I want critism regarding whether the script itself is interesting and whether the twist is suprising. I'd also like advice regarding whatever you think could use tightening up.

Be as harsh as you can. I'm sort of hype since this is really the first film script I've ever completly finished, even if it's only a first draft.

Link to script: http://www.geocities.com/jumar1987/Melancholia.html

I just scanned through it. The twist isn't surprising, at least I wasn't surprised. Not that big of a deal - creating sympathetic characters is more important than trying to pull one over on the audience.

This script is largely character driven, so I would recommend adding some detail and shading to the characters. The dialogue could be improved, also.

Thanks for reading.

Honestly when I first started writing it I wasn't planning on a twist, I planned on showing the "black out" and the main movie would be the blackouts effects on the main character. A friend suggested that maybe he hid the fact that he gave Courtney drugs, which gave me the idea that maybe he hid the events from himself. Instead of facing the consequences for his actions his mind just blanks the whole thing out. It seemed like a nice way to set up a goal for the character in the beginning, and have the goal accomplished at the end.

I totally agree that the dialouge could be tons better. I'm pretty amatuer concering writing in general. If you have any general advice or pointers in creating sympathy for the characters or writing good dialouge I'd like to hear them.

Second draft: http://www.geocities.com/jumar1987/Melancholia-Ver2.html

I tried to tighten up the dialouge and create some sympathy for the main character. I added some imagery and other stuff. If anyone takes the time to read it, I'd like some critism.

Peace.

If anyone's still interested, here's the third (and probably final) draft:

http://www.geocities.com/jumar1987/...olia-Final.html

I was like "screw it, it has drug and suicide refrences, might as well use an insane amount of cuss words." I also added a few refrences to the symbolism, and tried to add more sympathy towards David.

Critique if you want. Don't if you don't.