I'm not sure where I’m going with this one. Personally I'd rather finish off a horror or an action script but my team wants to do another comedy. So I gave this idea a stab and started working on it last night. What do you guys think so far?

INT. DINNER ROOM - NIGHT
Our setting is a large dinner room. The room is filled with expensive dinner wear, extravagant artworks and fancy food. The room is occupied by three gentlemen, two ladies and a waiter. The men’s names are: Roger (25), Timothy, (40) and Moore (35). The ladies names are: Shopie (21) and Arnold (40). The men are all gathered one side of the room, while the women are on the other side of the room. They are all in fine suits and dresses excluding Arnold who is in a brown military uniform. Craig (21) enters the room and walks over towards the men he too is wearing black tie.

ROGER
Ah Craig you old chump!

TIMOTHY
Well if it isn’t the ships most eligible bachelor.

CRAIG
Roger, Timothy. Moore

MOORE
Evening Craig.

ROGER
You know I heard that you have been seducing a consort on the lower decks Craig.

All the man expect for Moore laugh.

CRAIG
Well she was a fine piece of English crumpet.

Timothy and Roger laugh.

MOORE
Is that extent of your enticing abilities Craig? Cheap, lower class, toilet scrubbing floozy tarts? You could at least develop a little more taste man.

TIMOTHY
Now look here Moore I have been traveling on this boat for more then twenty years! Never have I seen such a finer ladies man.

MOORE
Pity. You haven’t had you eyes on me Timothy.

ROGER
Now come Moore, you and I know your past your prime.

MOORE
Ah impossible. I’m a delicious daddy.

CRAIG
An over cooked one at that.

Moore grinds his teeth and walks over to Craig.

MOORE
Listen here you pathetic little school boy. I am cock of this ship. You are cock of nothing!

Roger intervenes the two.

ROGER
Now look here. I would wager that Craig could have any women on this boat.

MOORE
Really?

ROGER
Yes!

TIMOTHY
As would I!

MOORE
Very well then! I wager five hundred pounds that Craig couldn’t seduce any women on this
boat!

ROGER
Five hundred you must be joking man.

TIMOTHY
Ridiculous!

ROGER
I don’t care for this at all!

Roger and timothy begin to leave

CRAIG
No. Wait. I’m game.

MOORE
That’s the spirt!

TIMOTHY
Craig don’t be a fool.

CRAIG
Lets up stakes a little eh? If I loose, I will leave this boat and never return. However if I win. You have to spend the rest of your days scrubbing glasses in the homosexual bar on the lower deck.

MOORE
Superb Mr. Craig. On a few conditions. One, I chose the girl. Two, you have till tomorrow night to seduce her.

CRAIG
Three. You are not aloud to intervene.

MOORE
Deal.

The two men shake hands.

ROGER
I have a bad feeling about this.

CRAIG
So whose the lucky lady then?
Moore points to Shopie.

MOORE
None other then the governor’s daughter. Shopie Lockstop

TIMOTHY
My god!

ROGER
That's the loch ness monster of women. No man has every caught her!

MOORE
Start packing Craig

CRAIG
Forget it Moore!

Craig walks over to Shopie

TIMOTHY
By Joe! He’s actually doing it!

ROGER
Watch he’s about to use his famous pick up line.

Craig address Shopie, looks deeply into her eyes and speaks with all the charm he’s got

CRAIG
Nice gloves, got hands for those.

Before Shopie can reply Arnold steps in and punches Craig in the face. Craig flies across the room and lands at the feet of the three men.

theres a few finny lines, but i think you should go with the action or horror, because this doesn't really make any sense... needs a lot of work on structure, the characters seem to do and say random things for no apparent rason

I'd say build on it. Tell us more about your characters.

Umm...I'm no like great screenwriter or anything, but just as a reader, I'm wondering whether or not you've asked yourself WHY you're writing this script. Like what purpose is it supposed to serve and what will the structure of the story be... Idk...through you uncertainty over what you're trying to aticulate, or what your characters are meant to do, it makes the script itself seem liek a sort of vapid experience and it's hard to give fedback to it (especally considering it's in such early pphases and the story hasnt quite yet developed).

A few things-
1. Are you really going to get actors to play these parts? If so, fine, but it's been my experience that your parents and teachers are never up to par.

2. The spelling and grammer are pretty horrible. I know you probably weren't paying much attention to that when you wrote it and that's fine, but please do me a favor and run it through a spell check before posting it online. I just took an English exam, so excuse me for being grumpy about this stuff.

3. Is Arnold really a girls name? Is Shopie a name in the first place?

4. There are no 20-40 year olds that speak this way. Add 30 years to everyone and maybe i'll believe it.

As for the script itself, this isn't the best segment to judge on because its just character development and a tiny bit of plot. I dont think anyone can fairly critique this without at least a summary of the rest of the film. good luck.