Okay well here's my first film storyline. Please don't steal.

It's basically about this blind boy, Romeo and this girl called Juliet who has a mental age of 6 years old. She has an unhealthy obsession with sea shells (which becomes a symbol for the entire film) and they both become unlikely friends. But right before Romeo is able to fully understand his newly discovered love for Juliet, tragedy strikes.

This film will have symbols throughout the whole thing-perhaps even turning the film into one metamorphic symbol itself.

I will try get all this done in 8 minutes-which should be fine because this film is experimental. (I was thinking of quick, shots rather than a whole bunch of long dragging shots you find in feature films which have drama or romance as the genre.)

What do you think??

Any criticism? Please feel free to point out anything or give advice.

Cheers.

Let's Play I Do You A Favor.. You Do Me A Favor and we won't steal each others ideas:

(As an aside,
RULE NUMBER ONE ON HERE, STATE THE NAME OF ONE OF THE "BIG", "MAJOR", "U.S. ONLY" FILM SCHOOLS IN THE TITLE OF YOUR POST SO EVERYONE IS AWED BY YOUR TENACITY AND AMBITION...Because on here "If ya don't say CHAPMAN/AFI/UCLA/COLUMBIA/NYU.....You ain't gonna get no help." My grammar and "eddikit" lesson for the day has concluded.)

O.K. so basically you are working on a retelling of the age-old Romeo and Juliet love story fast forwarded 400 years or so.....I can tell you now most people are going to tell you something along the lines of "Oh, Yuki....that's been done already...can you think of something new....."

DON'T LISTEN TO THEM. THEY DON'T KNOW OF WHENCE THEY SPEAK.... so to speak. There are no new stories. There is only the retelling of the stories from our collective unconscious. And we tell these over and over again. They pervade our dreams and fashion themselves as reality as we walk around in our waking hours. They are the stories that we told each other as we sat around in tribes by campfires, in societies standing in the shadows of the pyramids and watched played out as dramas in the Parthenon as our search for meaning as to what life holds in store for us even in the most nebulous of times in our lives and in our dreams. The epiphany of their truth is slowly and continually revealed. That is what resonates with us all-ways.

THE STORIES ARE ALL THE SAME. Read Joseph Campbell's: The Hero With A Thousand Faces or for a crash course in screenwriting Christopher Vogler's The Writer's Journey: Mythic Structures for Writers. Two excellent resources on how to write compelling stories on, rather that are based on, the best stories of all: the ones of ancient mythology....after all myths are time tested. They've been around a while. It's not really as "plageristic" as is sounds. Nor is it Literature to Film (also a good book but I can't remember the author right now). You are an Artist, a writer, so the trick is to write. And in the writing, rewrite. But just know that there is a template. And a damn good one. Written way before you even thought of the story....well, not really, but that type of metaphysical discussion is for another post entirely.

SYMBOLS AND METAPHORS are good if they drive the story. Bad, if there are just some sort of literary conjurer's trick. It won't ring true if it's a sham, hoax or sight gag, no matter how artsy the film looks. Because in our heart of hearts we know the endings to all these stories. We have heard them since birth and before. I do, however, appreciate that you are looking to craft the script according to the final look of the film. Especially for a first film that eye toward the camera as well as attention paid to the dialogue will go far as you start to pare things back. Rewriting, is where the real writing takes place anyway. Shameless Plug Inserted Here: 'Hi, I'm Greg. I am a member of "Rewriter's Anonymous"' Also, nothing helps more than to have actors or in their stead, friends, read the parts of your characters before you shoot....you can get a better sense of the pace of the piece. I know its your baby....but because film is a collaborative effort...Mama's got trust some babysitters sometimes.

So what's the point Greg.....the point and your job as a budding screenwriter then, because you cannot write a new story and really shouldn't spin your wheels trying is to, is to invest with new form, i.e. Webster's dictionary's definition of create/retell/rewrite these stories in your own voice. Write and rewrite with that inner voice, the voice of that committee in your head that has already had 3 cups of coffee, two planning sessions, sent the art director off building sets, the one that can't get your "inner" Director of Photography to put that viewfinder down from in front of your mind's eye. The nagging voice that always seems as if its been busily returning from lunch and awaiting your return to the typewriter by the time you wake up in the morning.

Read the Shakespeare play again, see what is useful for you and what is not. Read the Helen of Troy story again on which Shakespeare based it and see what's useful for you and what is not. Read Egyptian mythology and I am certain that you will find a through line, then sit down and retell it all as it relates to your personal experience in a three act structure....yes, you can do that in an 8 minute film....in fact you have to....in order for the project to have a shelf life longer than the 15 minutes of fame that is it's birthright. Or 8.

I hope this helps.

Now for my favor. Can I get some coverage on my personal essay for my undergraduate college applications? PLEASE....let me know.

Namaste,
Greg

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Gregory D. Goyins,

Yeah, I wasn't actually heading for the whole Romeo/Juliet thing, but I said "What the heck" and went with it anyway. I guess it does add some sort of familiarity within the text itself, but I don't know if the audience will embrace it or reject it. A gamble I suppose (Unless I'm some sort of freakish genius who's had a hundred years in the film making business and a budget of five billion pops.)

But yeah, I'll see how this all goes. The advice really does help, and thanks for the encouragement.

(By the way, I guess I could put the name of a "big major US film school" in my titles-if I ever went to one. But then again, you never know-16 year olds might start popping up in your film courses one day. Hey, it is the 21st century.)

PS. As for your favor-Expand.

My post is in "Undergraduate Film Schools"....I am looking for a set of eyes to read my personal essay for my college applications and give me feedback.....

Sure I'll give it a shot. Dunno if I can do much, but I'll read it anyway. Good luck!

where should I send it

Personally I think it's a good premise. Blind guy, girl with mental disability, sea shells... what's not to like? But you haven't really outlined a story for us yet, where one thing happens that leads to another thing and so on.

For the record, I don't think you have to take the Romeo and Juliet thing as seriously as suggested. I'd say just write what you want to write -- and try to make it a story. For god's sake, don't waste your time reading Joseph Campbell just to write an 8 minute film that should be fun to do.

Also, I'd say don't get hung up on making it experimental. Just tell a story.

Yuki,
You know what I was wrong....Jerry is right! Don't read anything on structure or form just jot some stuff down on the back of a napkin and have some fun. That's the best way to make a movie Or better yet, get that idiot Syd Field's screenwriting book who has never written a salable script and is single-handedly responsible for the degradation of the American film industry.
The purpose of my post was not to bore you,at this tender age with the facts about where all great scripts have their basis, but to arm you with the tools that will make your writing go much easier in the long run.
Jerry's comment akin to you saying "I want to learn how to play the piano" and me telling you "Just sit down and start playing...don't mind that sheet music. Structure, smuckcher. Screw form, just have fun." Lots of longevity in that.

Greg,

E-mail me your personal statement:

BandarAlbuliwi@hotmail.com

I'll check it out for you.

P.S. You're absolutely right. Too many people just go out and make movies. They don't pay attention to story. Without a story, all you have is a bunch of pretty pictures. May as well take still photos.

Hi Gregory! Actually, I am right. Nobody needs to read Joseph Campbell to write a script. And clearly this is not the same as saying that structure is unimportant. So just chill out a little.