trying to write a :30 second spec commercial.

have one and would like to know if it is worth the time.
read it over and let me know what you guys think.
any feedback would be great.

thanks


the comm spec is for REI outdoor equipment

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:30 second spot
REI outdoor

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We open up on a lowly lit apartment bedroom. The camera hovers over BOOTS, Several CAMPING GEAR, BACKPACKER MAGAZINES, and other OUTDOOR EQUIPMENT and settles on a comfortable bed where a SCRUFFY GUY tosses and turns, trying to sleep.
He awakens, exhausted and stares up with wide eyes in frustration.

cut to:

The guy is sound asleep tucked inside his sleeping bag. The camera pulls back to reveal the guy sleeping inside his tent. The tent sits on top of his apartment building’s roof, in the middle of the city’s towering skyscrapers.

REI outdoor—It’s better outside.

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please direct your feedback to this forum or feel free to email me at
lalinde77@yahoo.com

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Alejandro Lalinde
grey.street.films

"A film is - or should be - more like music than like fiction. It should be a progression of moods and feelings. The theme, what's behind the emotion, the meaning, all that comes later."
-Stanley Kubrick (1928-1999)

Pretty interesting idea. Here's what I would do.

Do you have to use that tagline? If not, you could go with this:

Same thing, except when you pull away you see the guy's sleeping in his tent beside his beautiful king size bed.

Tagline: Everything's better inside a BLAH tent.

see shadows of the couple and hear giggles.

Just an idea.

Also, you'd have to consider your target audience and other things. I just went through a commercial writing class. I hated it... but I guess I learned a lot.

You could come up with a better tagline than the one i just mentioned. I don't know exactly what you're trying to advertise though, the entire store, or just camping gear. I'm sorry I'm being vague.
- C. Davis
President, Alabama Film Club
Owner, Yellow Hammer Films

no, i was trying to target outdoor enthusiasts who feel better outside, who love their gear.

my taglines always are a bit off. i feel it is ok, but i usually hear otherwise.

i guess i am going for that lifestyle that prefers the outdoors instead of AC and down sheets, it's weird but why do you think us as kids always wnated to camp out in the backyard instead of having sleep overs inside. sleeping outside has its ups.

hey, i am just babbling, what do others think?

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Alejandro Lalinde
grey.street.films

"A film is - or should be - more like music than like fiction. It should be a progression of moods and feelings. The theme, what's behind the emotion, the meaning, all that comes later."
-Stanley Kubrick (1928-1999)

i will come clean. this is an assignment for my Cine4 class. we are to shoot 35mm with the kodak 5289 stock, 800T and it has to be a night exterior.

as far as how i plan to shoot it, well, i see it the comm using all jib shots, so as to make the camera hover. i would rather do a tripod and let the camera pan and tilt but i do not know if that would be the best way of telling the story. the jib shot though would require more planning and excellent execution. both locations would be one shot with the jib, with several focus pulls and complex movements. each shot would take at least 15 secs each.

still need ideas

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Alejandro Lalinde
grey.street.films

"A film is - or should be - more like music than like fiction. It should be a progression of moods and feelings. The theme, what's behind the emotion, the meaning, all that comes later."
-Stanley Kubrick (1928-1999)

Well, I guess it's a good idea...a little dull, but still good...

"I guess Dan Gross was right" -Hill Dawson Kane

Its sounds like it would make a decent ad, the only question I have is: Just how are you planing to have the camera pull back out of the city? Im sure there are many ways to do this without actually filming arial shots, like by blending views of the roof with views farther out in a 3d program. Anyways, just wondering what your aproach to this was gonna be.

i think the idea works, good luck pulling it off

in San Francisco we have really big hills. If you stand on the roof you can see the rest of the city in the background.