OK so I got this idea for a short film from Alex Whitmer (very helpful screenwriter) and I tweaked it a bit. Let me know what you think.

A mother of two is a drunken nightmare. She always gets drunk, and her two young girls have to put up with her and her behavior. Because of their mom's addiction, they have matured faster than most kids their age. They always look out for one another and are like little adults in kids bodies.

I'm thinking of having one intense scene like a big agrument or something. Like 3-5 min short. Any other ideas?

That's a situation, not a story! It's a good starting point, but what happens? Who's the story about? What happens to that person, and what do they do about it?

yeah i know. i typed that and then kinda finished the idea. its longer than that. thats just the storyline not the whole thing. its more of a backstory. im still adding more.

A big argument? Making a movie out of dialogue is usualy not a good idea.

its not really about the dialogue--its about the action and emotions they go through. i guess i should use conflict not agrument.

Here's a better idea of my short film:
we start the film with the Jasmine walking down her street as we hear her thoughts on a VO. We also see flashbacks as she reflects on her mom and her drinking. She then gets to the house, goes in, Mom yells at her (she's drunk), and they quietly bicker. Scared she (daughter) looks for her Danielle. She finds her hiding under a table, trying to avoid her mom. Mom comes in and her and daughter fight, loudly. Jasmine then takes the alcohol outta her mom's hand and rushes to the sink to put in down the drain. they fight over it and exchange some words back and forth.

But quietly, Danielle enters the kitchen and says some stuff. She finally is able to get through to her mom and she breaks down. They kinda bond and we see them forgive her despite her faults (drinking). They agree she's gonna get help and get sober for life. At the end, even Jasmine accepts and forgives her mom.

While that's more descriptive, it's still not a story, which meeds a beginning middle and end. In addition, the idea of a drunk, abusive parent has been done a countless number of times, so unless you can add to that idea then the movie isn't worth making.

Imagine actually watching a movie where the only thing that happens is a daughter makes up with her mother and they forgive each other for everything. I don't mean to sound harsh, but that would be incredibly boring. There's no conflict beyond the backround information (drunk mother, scared kids).

If you can put a story with an actual conflict and resolution around those characters than you might have something.

Yeah, I pretty much agree with NySpree89. Plus I'm a little bored with it already just because this is well-worn material. (Don't get me wrong, all material is well-worn. But alcoholism is really well-worn because it's one of those easy emotional topics. If you're not writing from experience with an alcoholic mother, I'd drop the subject all together.)

Still, you know, if you're into it, if you're sure alcoholism is the "next big" story idea... then more power to you.

I strongly dis-agree about dropping it just because you do not have experience with alcoholism (or maybe you do). There is no shortage of information, and no shortage of people you can interview. I write about all kinds of things I have never done, or been, but with the research and the interviews, I can pull off believable characters.

From there, the performers must re-create the characters and situations. That is what film is all about. Acting.

Acting is in part based on observation of others and how they behave.

Now, per our PM, change up the POV a little and you have yourself a fresh take on an old story.

if ya'll think ya'll are so great then why dont you try making a short script with the child's POV and let me see what you come up with.

and if you want to see the script, i can emai it to you. it provides the WHOLE short not the little pieces I included her.

Just from a brief glance it looks like what you would be doing with this film is just recreating emotion and conflict and characters that someone else has already made before. I could be wrong.

My main question is what do you want to get out of this? Are you just looking for a way emotionally alter an audience? Or is this a story that you are actually burning to tell? If you arent attached to your story in some way, the production just will not work out as planned.

No need to send out the script to defend your film.

There are numerous wild west films, but each (or most ??) find a new perspective (POV) from which to tell the story.

There have been numerous stories about alcoholism, and many characters in movies that portray that characteristc (Runaway Bride), and how it affects those around them. Your job is to find that unique POV, understand what it is you want to say, the do the best job you can with the resources you have to pull it off in a powerful, convincing manner that will NOT have the audience thinking/saying 'been there, seen that'.

Alex

Alex's last point is certainly right. If you like the script then I strongly encourage you to pursue it all the way. But you did ask, so there's no need to be defensive. I didn't mean my criticism personally.

My feeling is that you would do better with a subject drawn from your own experience. As Alex mentioned (and he's right about this too), you can research any topic you want, and even take the time to do interviews, but I don't see the point in doing that for a 2-3 minute short. My advice is to keep everything as simple as possible. And if you draw from your own experience, then you're simply more likely to make something that smells authentic.

I'm not the only person here who is weary of the topic of alcoholism. It is totally possible that you can make a great short film on the subject, but alcoholism (like suicide or, I don't know, any other extremely heavy topic) is the kind of thing that gets used a lot because it gets an instant, easy emotional response.

Anyway, don't take the comments personally. I hope you make a great short, whether about alcoholism or anything else.

http://aa.1asphost.com/spademovies/selfisolation.htm

This was I script I wrote last year. A lot of research went into this script. This was a story that I felt the need to tell, though nothing ever became of it after two attempts to get it filmed. Ah well. Anyway, give it a read, if it helps in the least.