Here's the intro of the first draft of a script I'm working on about a guy who gets his heart shattered by a girl in the past, then happens to stumble upon her again at the hotel he works at years later. I would say more but I don't want to give the whole story away.

Untitled.pdf

Any comments/suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

I like it. It's pretty good.

Just something I noticed, at the bottom of page 4 it says "as" instead of "ask". Nothing big and you'd probably catch it later but just thought I'd say something. Heh.

Also, and you might have already thought of this, but whenever Evan tells Ally that the whatever they're working on is good and he loves it, everyone will love it and she laughs and says thanks, you might have a note in there that she puts a hand on his shoulder or back or something real quick so Evan might think she's flirting or something.

Just a suggestion. Good luck.

Thanks for the suggestion. I added something along those lines to the newspaper room scene, I agree little actions like that can really help tell the story. I've updated the script so now I have basically the complete intro that leads up until the present. Check it out and lemme know what you think.