I want to begin my first screenplay with a firm grasp on the story, the characters, and what I want to achieve as far as the story goes... but I can't decide which of my original story ideas will work best for ALL of this. If you could read through each of my log lines and/or summaries and tell me your opinion I'd really appreciate it. If there's some stories you might think will work better as novels, that would be helpful too. And if you'd like to hear more of the story or more about the characters themselves, I would love to hear your opinion about it... so... just ask. (Please keep in mind that most of my writing is driven by serial killers, the supernatural, fantasy/action, and sometimes... romance.)

These are only working titles so just roll with it:
Blood Stains - A sixteen year-old girl meets a charming, but mysterious, seventeen year-old boy at her local high school... which then leads to an incomplete one-night stand. An accident of fate reveals that this seventeen year-old boy is actually a hundreds of year-old vampire who desires nothing more than closure of his past and love for his future. Little do either of them know, the vampire's long lost brother has returned from the "grave" to finish what was started the night of their rebirths.
Bitter Glass - At the age of nineteen a young woman found herself desolate, without memory, and alone atop the broken rubble of a burned down building... with a slight catch, she had the ability to live forever. Now, almost 200 years later, she has joined the ranks of a league of immortal assassins, Bloodraiders (those who use their missions to find WHO they are and seek revenge). Having gone through yearsof service without finding a shred of how she came to be, Codename: Rain, is in for the surprise of her immortal life when her next mission leads her into the middle of not only the Vampire and Raven War, but also the chance to clear up her past and finish her future.
When No One's Watching - An invisible soldier created by his army's division and a murderous past, seeks shelter from his life in various houses across the country. He travels broken, killing all that reveal him, surviving in different houses, living off other civilians, witnessing the things others do when no one is around. One day he finds himself drawn to a certain woman with a certain "violent" family that is almost as broken as he is... before long this ex-soldier has his life turned upside down once he witnesses the things this young woman does when no one's watching.
The Kitsune - In the early 1900s near a rural city area, a young girl happens upon an open area in the nearby woods where sits a lonesome log containing a scrawled letter. The words describe a murderer's remorse, sick with his hate for killing and need to kill, broken by the things he's done, and longing for at least one person's forgiveness. Jericho, the murderous writer of the letter, is a race unknown to the world, and is quite simply a fox-shapeshifter. His basic need for survival being blood, the Kitsune kills because he has to, but he relays his life in these letters, seeking forgiveness from one little girl, because he wants to.

I would say out of that bunch, "When No One's Watching" stands out to me as containing the most potential. It would definitely be a very challenging screenplay to write...but it feels very fresh. I'd be interested in hearing more about what direction you would plan on taking this story in...


By the way, Blood Stains draws some suspicious parallels to Twilight, if you are familiar with that series/soon-to-be movie.

Thank you so much for replying braininabox. First I would like address what you said about Blood Stains.

I have heard of Twilight and have been urged to read it... but never have. Could you tell me in what way they relate so I may see if I have a problem on my hands and need to edit my idea? Thanx.

Now... about When No One's Watching... it is one of my more undeveloped ideas, but the basic outline is out of my head and in my computer. XD If you would be willing to read it over I could send you the outline itself and you can provide criticism or whatever else you feel necessary to tell me... like if it's even film material. I can send it to you by e-mail or through a message on this forum if you prefer.

Thanks for your help,
Kim

I'll try to give you a quick synopsis of Twilight...(do I really need to put out a spoiler alert for a teen vampire book?)

Basically a high school girl moves to the cloudiest/rainiest place in America to be with her father. At her new high school, she is intrigued by this beautiful, strange boy, who seems to be going to extreme lengths to avoid her. Eventually it turns out that the boy is actually a few hundred year old vampire, who is avoiding her "for his own good". They end up falling in love...but then are threatened by a different group of vampires who are after the boy and his family.

Hopefully that gives you an idea.

And you definitely made me very curious about When No Ones Watching, so I would definitely like to read through whatever you have. Hit me up at: thomascd@purdue.edu

Thanks for the overview, and for avoiding spoilers.

Thankfully enough the only thing they seem to have in common story-wise is they're in high school, and the guy is a vampire... perhaps a different setting? Could you maybe suggest somewhere else for them to meet other than a high school, but somewhere else just as unexpected to find a vampire? Lol, and somewhere "fun" to find a vampire. Thanks again.

And thanks for your interest in When No One's Watching! I'll send you what I have first chance I get... always up for a good critique. I suppose I can trust you not to steal the idea? You seem to be an avid critic and/or adviser for this forum, so I'm going with instinct... and saying you're trustworthy.

Thanks again,
Kim