I just began my Horror movie script and I was wondering what you guys thought, if you had any suggestions. Not much dialogue, but my plan is to have it more visual.

FULL CIRCLE

INTRO/CREDIT SEQUENCE
CREDITS ROLE in front of newspaper clippings and footage of rioting crowds, a voice over reports a missing person.

Newsman over the credits: Today, the third in a stream of kidnappings took place, the latest victim being Gregory Sern; If anyone knows anything about the whereabouts of Mr. Sern please contact the local police.

A picture of Gregory Sern’s face appears with credits.

We cut away from the credits and see Gregory Sern sitting in the middle of a dark room, possibly a shed or garage. It’s dark outside; we can see it through a window. Sern’s arms and feet are tied to the chair with rope. We see him struggling madly, he still has his strength, and his eyes are wide with anger. Captor walks in front of camera slightly, face turned away. Gregory stops moving and stairs. Captor raises his arm revealing a pipe wrench and begins beating it against his own hand in a menacing way.

Black out. We here the screams of Sern and the blunt bashes of the pipe wrench. We here cracking splitting and all kind of disturbing noises. The credits play over this.

Back to Sern. Face shot. He’s beaten, bruised and with eyes devoid of life. Possible cuts on his face, He’s pale. Back to credits.

Another news announcement

Newsman: Yes, it appears to be the end. For all of us.
Sad.
Over credits.

Back to Sern. We see him in the empty room this time in full day light. We here the breaking of glass and the sound of voices. Four people run into the room from a doorway that comes from the house. They run in quickly and begin to take everything in sight, in quite a hurry too. They take tools off the wall and ransack the room. They take no notice of Sern and go about their business. One female looks straight into his eyes, and out of sympathy drops a razor blade in front of the chair. Sern hurriedly groped at it with his feet as best he could then finally got it under his feet, to be hid.

We see a table with the aforementioned pipe wrench; slowly coming into a frame we see a pale hand with chewed fingernails with blood under them. It grasps it tightly.

Next shot, we see the ran sackers going about their business, too busy to notice the door open, we see the hand with the pipe wrench in it. The door slams shut. Simultaneous blackout.

We see the captor piling the last of the bodies in a crawlspace, in a separate room from Sern. He closes the small door. The last of the credits role. Title.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Kaisatsu,

Anyone? Opinions? Please?

i didnt like it because it seems so overdone. people locked up in a dark rooms being brutalized. how many movies has that been done in? Too many. You must be capable of coming up with something more creative and original. Cause so far what i've read says nothing about you other than you're repeating done ideas. Plus I didnt understand what the hell was going on.

Thanks for the input. It does seem like a cliche,but, I have actually never seen a movie where its been done (not one off the top of my head), it's the beginning of something. I'm just looking for a road to take it down.

i really dont understand why this is going on. and yes, the news reporters VOs sound way too over the top

Thank you. This is my first attempt at a script and I guess you win some lose some. I had a few different ideas in the last few days for different projects, perhaps I'll start on them.

good luck. its always hte hardest ur first time out. but the one phrase of advice i would give you is, "write what you know". trust me, its not just a saying, it really works

Thanks. I'm currently starting anew on a comedy.

You should still make this movie though, if it's something you like and feel confident about go for it! It's all about the freedom of speech baby.

Good advice, I might someday. I need to finish the next twenty pages though...

there's an episode of family guy where peter and joe are trying to come up with ways to regain joe's self confidence when the anchor on tv announces the special people's games... afterwards he says "and later, an in-depth look at conviently placed newscasts in plotlines" ...it's the moment at which such means of telling a story became a mainstream joke... a funny funny joke

Kaisatsu! what are you thinking? you said you posted as we had it before! there was never a newscast saying"it's the end, how sad..."
without the newscaster its half-decent.
To anyone reading-in I am the co-writer of this script, and my companion added some things.

Comrade! You misread! I copy and pasted it, sad was in italics. Not the actual line, an emotion.
Gosh, idiot...

You know what you could do? Make a horror/Comedy poking fun at how overdone the "locked away and beaten to hell" thing is, or something of that manner. Not exactly saying do another "scary movie", those were bad examples, but maybe make fun of a bunch of scary movies in a clever way, like "Shaun of the Dead". That'd be cool thing to do.

god I love Shaun of the Dead