I'm in the middle of developing a script and was wondering if some people could give me some feedback on the general story idea.

Basically it is about a young adult women who is very depressed by her daily life and has suicidal thoughts. Her psychologist suggests that the best thing for her to do is to get away from her family and daily life by staying in a hotel for a week or so. On arrival to the hotel, somehow another man around her age is assigned to the same hotel room; they each have keys to the same room and were told to go to the same room. In confusion they decide, because it is late and they have talked a bit, to just work it out in the morning and stay in the same room. As time goes there is a connection between them causing the women to get better and decide she likes the way her life is going. This is quickly taken away as the man gets in a car crash causing her to commit suicide. Just as she is doing so the movie cuts back to the psychologist's office when the psychologist is telling her to get away to a hotel. The women tells her that going to the hotel won't help and theres nothing anyone can do and leaves (in thought of killing herself when she gets home). Leaving the building, the women calls for a taxi and the same man she "met" calls for the same one. He says hi to her and the movie would cut to black.

I want to do something like this because it plays on the idea that one choice can dramatically affect the outcome of events in your life and also plays on the idea of fate. When the movie cuts back, the audience sees that the whole movie was what would have happened if she made that choice when really she decides otherwise. The fact that either way she goes she will still meet this man plays on the idea of fate. It's then up to the audience to decide if her "actual" choice ends with the guy dying and her commiting suicide, fate, or that she made a better choice and will ultimately live.

Any feedback and comments would be appriciated. Thanks.

Overall I like the idea. I guess my first question is how long of a film is this going to be,feature length or a short? If it's a longer length then I think you need to flesh out some more of the story a bit.

Are you going to focus on their relationship at the hotel? Is his dying the tip of the iceberg for her(another bad thing in an already bad life)and that's why she kills herself or is it that she feels some kind of rebirth with him and now with him gone she can't go on?

I like the flashback. Are they going to recognize each other at the hotel? That could help them break the ice and get to know each other quicker.

Just some questions for you to help with your idea I hope. I do like the concept I'll be curious to see what you come up with keep me posted.

Mike

Well I am thinking of making this a somewhat shortfilm. Maybe 30 minutes or so which would be a long film for me actually. I'm really into the directing but I do have to write my own stuff. It's usually hard for me to get a good idea but once I do the script just pours out of me. That's why I just want to see what other people think before I finish the script as im about 5 pages into it now.

Yeah, I want to focus more on the relationship but I haven't really decided what "kind" of relationship yet and how it developes. Basically, this man somehow changes her view of life and she realizes that she no longer wants to kill herself when she is with him. So, when he dies, her condition worsens and she kills herself. The audience is expecting this to be such a horrible ending but it cuts back to reveal she could have chosen this path but she chooses the other.

It blends fate with choice and the audience decides which one plays out over the other in the end.

Yeah I understand about the ideas. They don't come easlily for me either and like you once they do the floodgates tend to open. I've been tossing around a couple right now but I don't know which one I'll work on. Only time will tell I guess.

I'll be more than happy to critque your script if you would like. That's one thing that helped me in my screewriting class was the constant critques from my classmates. Good luck with it.

Personally I'm not that big a fan of the idea (sorry).
This man must have had quite an influence on her to bring her back from the brink, and then to push her compeletly over when he dies. I think you have quite a challenge on your hands in conveying that.
Also I think the whole "one decision" changing your fate has been done so many times already.
Having said that though I encourage you to take my opinion with a pinch of salt (is that the expression?) and write it/film it anyway. I personally wouldn't make this film, but you obviously want and that's really all that matters, so good luck to you.
If you need any help at any stage feel free to let me know, and I'd gladly lend a hand.
Good luck.