Howdy all-

Ok, in Film & TV class our assignment is to make a 3-5 minute long unconventional narrative film. After dubmitting my proposal and cript to my teacher, he suggesed i change the ending. So I thought i'd leave it open to some suggestions. All welcome... Here's the basic storyline:

A boy sits in his room and decides to write an affirmation (It's a technique that is supposedly meant to make you be able to determine your own future by writing an affirmation like 'I, Joe Cool, will get an A for my film'). Just as he is about to write it his mother calls him to ask him to get some milk from the shop. From this point the story plays out twice, once where he gets up and gets the milk, and the other where he writes the affirmation first, then gets the milk. (I.E. it's an alternate timeline film, where everything changes because he to that extra time and wrote the affirmation). In the first story he goes to the shop, gets the milk, and nothing special happens. In the second, he goes to the shop and see's an old lady getting mugged, and tries to stop the muggers. The muggers turn on him and he gets stabbed, and dies. The movie then cuts back to his room, where his affirmation is (You havent yet seen what he wrote). As the camera zooms in you see that he wrote 'I, Joe Cool, want to die'.

My teacher's comment was that he didn't like the idea of the death at the end, and said that it could have a much more interesting twist. So, If you have any ideas I'd be more than happy to hear from you.

Thanks- CG

Oh my god. Your teacher is a 8itch. That's not saying anything... "I don't like the dieing, it could have been more interesting."

I would say to h*ll with your teacher but s/he does hold the rank of dictator of your grade which is the downfall of college. That aside, to make it more interesting, you could have him say "I, John Doe, want an A on my project". but when he does get a chance to write it he see an article title " Rondell county high school teacher, Brad Shamose found dead in his hollywood basement".

As he reads - ...cause of death is said to be asphyxiation. Found in his mouth was an assignment he had written for his class...


Joe looks up... dissolve to a spinning and zooming (some sort of dolly) on the paper...

I, John Doe, wish my teacher would choke on his own words.

Muhahahhaa! Die commy scum!

Sorry, I happened to like your idea. It's real.

- C. Davis
YELLOW HAMMER PRODUCTIONS

i dont like him saying "i joe cool want to die"

have him say

"i joe cool, doesnt wish to live any longer"

OR

what about his paper says

"i joe cool, wishs to help those in need"

I liked your idea there, although it's a little heavy for a school project. You could change it completely and have him write something along the lines of I, Joseph coolstrom, Want to change the world, and he saves the old lady, deosnt die,and becomes a superhero or a public servant of some type. Or you could keep with the depressing ending and have the paper say something like "I want to make a difference" and instead of dying he just fails to save the old ladies purse, so he doesn't fulfill what his affirmation promised. Or you could stick with the orignal (better) ending and take your C like a man (or a woman depending on your gender)

"Your reality, sir, is lies and balderdash and I'm happy to say I have no grasp of it whatsoever."

... I, John Doe, want to save someone's life...


somehow reveal he's an organ donor...

flashback to the DMV

"Would you like to be an organ donor, sir?"

... little easy, but what does your teacher want?

- C. Davis
YELLOW HAMMER PRODUCTIONS

Hey man I like your idea a lot its too bad you have to change it. But hey if you have to change it I like ACF's idea about saving a life... like the boy tried to save the lady and he dies and becomes an organ doner... i mean thats the next best idea in my opion to what you already had. Good Luck!

The only right way to tell a story is the way the director see's it... there is never a wrong way

So there's a kid and he asks this hot girl to the Spring Bunny Hop Dance, she being nice says yes but now wants to kill herself....she is gonna hang herself in her prom dress before she can be seen with the likes of that kid.

So then there's the kid and he writes on his paper, "Gee, I'd like to save someone's life" then he gets dressed, and beginss riding his bike to pick up his date (he's too cheap to rent a limo, so he'll ride his bike) So he's riding and he gets hit by a car and dies. LOL.

So then the driver finds a note with a phone number and a name "Jenny" on it...so the driver calls Jenny, who's about to hang her self....and then Jenny doesn't kill herself cause she's so happy.

He saved her life by dying.

So then she goes to the dance with me.

So here's the cast of characters;


This is the guy who gets hit by a car.



And here's he beautifully hot chick who wants to kill herself after realizing that saying "yes" was the worst thing she ever could of said to that kid above.


And the driver who kills the kid.

Well, I can't show you the pic of me, cause well, me and the hot chick skipped the prom and decided to just rent a motel room that will look somewhat like this;


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TacoWagonProductions
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Good God Kyle, your posts always make me burst into laughter.

Anyway, it doesn't make sense to affirm that you will die. It is against the entire point of an affirmation to use a negative, which you basically did. "I, joe cool, will die (not live)." It doesn't make sense as an affirmation. I can elaborate on this if you don't understand what I'm saying.

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I don't want FOP godammit, I'm a Dapper Dan Man.

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Kyle, o god what would we do without Kyle?

quote:

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Kyle, o god what would we do without Kyle?

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Probably this;




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TacoWagonProductions
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Um, I would just like to point out that regardless of whether or not he wrote the affirmation the dude still wants to die. I don't see how not seeing a mugging is going to keep him from killing himself. If that's the character's motivation for trying to stop a mugging wouldn't that same motivation make him do something similar in the alternate timeline, jump in front of a bus or something?

It seems like your ending isn't based on how starting a few seconds later would alter an experience but that by writing the affirmation the dude somehow changes his motivations. That doesn't make sense.

Your twist isn't dependent on there being 2 timelines. I would suggest dropping the multiple-timeline gimmick, it doesn't sound like it's needed to tell your story.

Of course if you're devoted to the alternate timelines then I would agree with your teacher, you need to change the ending. What would make sense to me is that in the timeline without the affirmation he sees the mugging and dies. But in the timeline with the affirmation he misses it and lives, but is depressed, then we find out his affirmation is to kill himself.

If you are going for a good grade then don't use this idea, however if you want it to have a funny ending...

Just have the guy be all sad and emo sitting at his desk. He leans over to the side a rips ass. Suddenly he smiles and jumps up "All that sadness and angiwsh was just gas!" then he can run into the street and yell "It was just gas! I can live again"

Just keep the story as it is except when the camera zooms in on the paper have it read: I, Joe Cool, want to shoot up my school. and then have something that says something like.. good thing he died or else you might not be here!!! and then rub that in you teachers face! this is just an idea
Dale
COMPTON

my ideas better.

-TacoWagonSuperFun!

"dood u should have styed around, th conversation would have been funny as f7ck. god imdruck, oh yeH THE OTHER NIGHT I LEFT WELL I DIDN'T MEAn to bgut i figured i'd'd get my ninny rubbin on so yeah., btw for the movie weshsould have ***in swords and ninja stars flyin around.bv btw maybe thesotiry should copy the snake crane scret. i fdunnmo if u were wqatching it or not, but there shouldnbe some old ricalry between two brothers ya knowq? and the one brother fughts the iother but it's in the future, i dunno sounds prettytrick right now, i gott nothin elae to do... whoa i just reread it and it solooks l;ike ****, hahahaha ya dude said if u meditate u clear ur mind maybe i'll try it and see what comes out of it maybe ui;; get some kra ideas, hahaha" - Rebirth Of Cool talking about a Kung-Fu movie idea

quote:

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Just have the guy be all sad and emo sitting at his desk. He leans over to the side a rips ass. Suddenly he smiles and jumps up "All that sadness and angiwsh was just gas!" then he can run into the street and yell "It was just gas! I can live again"

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I hate fart jokes. They're lame.

Just for the record:



The reason the teacher doesn't like that he dies is because too many times the main character dies at the
end of student films. Many times by suicide. People look at it like you couldn't think of any other way to
end it. What's more final than "DEATH"? It's just kinda' predictable when you're watching a student
film.... you expect that they will die at the end.


The teacher is just trying to get you to think of a less predictable , more interesting way to end a film...
other than DEATH. Sometimes death fits... but it is overdone, and a bit cliche in student films. If you
think about it... it's probably the easiest way to end a film.



Jay

TRUE THAT, JAY!!!

I hate suicide movies....or movies where a character dies for really no reason other than, "Whoa! This movie is getting long...lets just end it now. BAM! Whoops! I shot MArvin!"

But Hill DAwson's Kane ideas is pretty sweet, If I ever happen to set foot in Canada (God Forbid ) we should make that documentary!

-TacoWagonSuperFun!

"dood u should have styed around, th conversation would have been funny as f7ck. god imdruck, oh yeH THE OTHER NIGHT I LEFT WELL I DIDN'T MEAn to bgut i figured i'd'd get my ninny rubbin on so yeah., btw for the movie weshsould have ***in swords and ninja stars flyin around.bv btw maybe thesotiry should copy the snake crane scret. i fdunnmo if u were wqatching it or not, but there shouldnbe some old ricalry between two brothers ya knowq? and the one brother fughts the iother but it's in the future, i dunno sounds prettytrick right now, i gott nothin elae to do... whoa i just reread it and it solooks l;ike ****, hahahaha ya dude said if u meditate u clear ur mind maybe i'll try it and see what comes out of it maybe ui;; get some kra ideas, hahaha" - Rebirth Of Cool talking about a Kung-Fu movie idea