Hi everyone, Joe here.
Got a new script for you all to read.

The script is called ::
"MAYHEM AT THE PILGRIM"
and we need advise from script writters and film makers alike - could this work as a film?

Heres the doc ::
http://www.gorecartoons.co.uk/matp.doc

Overall I think it can work. I'll admit that I only read the first ten pages. What I learned in my screenwriting class is that the first ten pages are critical to the success of your script. If you can't capture the readers attention in the those pages then you have lost them. That said I did like the Vultura toilet gag. I think you could have expanded her being an a-hole just a bit - maybe one extra scene somehow. That way the gag pays off a little more. I'm a little lost with the job interview scene a bit. Is this a first draft? I think you have the beginnings of something. Maybe another couple drafts and you'll have something tight. Keep up the work!

Mike

Thanks Mike. I didnt actually write it, friend of mine who dosnt have net access did, told him I'd had good feedback a year or so ago and would do wat I could in getting feedback for him.