Hey there.

We're shooting this short film pretty soon for a few 60 and 90 second short film competitions that are coming up over the next few months.

I just wrote this, the other day. It's real hard coming up for idea that will last no longer than a minute or two. This is what I came up with.

Any comments, opinions and advice would be great.

INT. BEDROOM - DAY

Jimmy (12) sits on his bedroom floor playing a computer
game. Gun shots and screaming can be heard off screen.
Jimmy smiles. He's having a great time. After a few more
seconds of frantic button bashing. The grin drops.

GAME VOICE (O.S.)
Game over.

Jimmy frowns, drops the control pad and jumps to his feet.
He grabs an empty drinks glass and leaves the room.



INT. KITCHEN - DAY

Jimmy takes a can of drink from the fridge, opens it
and empties the contents into the glass. He takes a drink then takes a lolly pop from a jar on the side and puts it in
his mouth.

Looking at the empty drinks can that lays on the kitchen
table he lifts his hand and forms it into the shape of a
gun. He takes aim and pretends to fire. BOOM!

To his complete surprise a gun shot is heard and the empty
drinks bounces from the table and spins into the air as if
hit by a bullet. Jimmy spits drink all over himself in
shock. He looks at his hand, still formed in the shape of a
gun. He smiles.


EXT. BACK GARDEN - DAY

A warm summers day. Laid out in a row at the end of the
garden are five makeshift targets. A couple of empty drinks
cans, a milk bottle, a beer bottle and an ornamental vase.

Stood about ten foot away is Jimmy. He now wears a baseball
cap.

He holds out his hand, takes aim and fires BOOM! A loud
gunshot is heard and the first target flicks into the air.
Then he fires again BOOM! The second target is gone. BOOM!
The Milk bottle explodes and BOOM! The Beer bottle is
destroyed. Jimmy smiles. Mimes the action of spinning a gun
on his finger and then slips his hand gun into an
imaginary holster on his hip.

One last target remains. The Ornamental vase. He eyes it
up. His hand by his side, fingers twitching above the
invisible gun and holster. He looks up from beneath his
baseballs cap and chews on the lolly pop stick. In a flash
his arm flies out forward and he fires. BOOM!. HE MISSES.
The invisible bullet ricochets and bounces
around the back garden hitting a fence, a plant pot, a
brink and finally it heads right for poor Jimmy. It knocks
his hat right off his head.

Jimmy looks up. Shocked He runs his hand through his hair
and breathes a sigh of relief. He looks down is his hand.
Still shaped like a gun. He takes aim one moor time at the
ornamental vase and fires... CLICK!... CLICK... CLICK...
Deflated Jimmy looks at his hand. Pointing his finger at
his own face. He frowns... CLICK! BOOM! Poor little Jimmy
falls to the floor like a sack of spuds.

Fade to black.

Despin out.

Hey there.

We shot a few tests in preparation for this short. Here they are.

Test 1


[URL=http://homepage.ntlworld.com/pauline.bogdanovich/IB%20v.1%20(shoot%20test).mov]Tests 2[/URL]

Despin out.

I thought that was a pretty good story. This is only a matter of opinion (and mine isn't necessarily correct!), but my ending would be that he points his finger to his face (the finger pointing to the camera - Jimmy's POV) and fires, then it would it would "boom" and immediately go black, not seeing Jimmy fall down.

It's hard to do a 60 second film. Good story.

Yeah I think that the POV shot would be cool, although, this is just MY opinion too...

Question...
When he shoots himself, is it purposive? or accidental?
If it was accidental, make sure when filming that he is curious and isn't really sure what is going to happen...

i couldnt tell from the script if the guy was doing it on accident, or on purpose..

good job though, should be cool...

The script sounds awesome. I would make the actor younger though. Also, the bottle blowing up is sort of cheesy. Yes, I know its a prelim shot. Just showing input.

PS. What program are you using to do that?

Sounds cool. Good luck.

I wouldnt go with the P.O.V. shot yeah it would be easier probobly then having to show the kid fall to the floor, but the P.O.V. is really over used in student films IMO. Good script tho I think if you do it right it will come out really good.

Nice idea and cool sample shot. Only thing I would suggest is to make Jimmy a real young obnoxious looking kid. And for the bottles exploding, maybe try making the bottle really explode by putting maybe some black cats or m80s in it. Get creative, make the explosion look real.

Very creative script. For the shot with him killing himself, i thought it might look good to pan from the vase to jimmy holding the gun to his head and not stop the panning, and once he gets out of frame, we hear the gun shot, and the camera still doesn't stop but it goes down to see a trail of blood coming into frame. then fade to black. But the script is great for a 60 second film.

meh, i dunno.

You don't know what teenag?

ay...i can't see it "working"

will there be muzzle flashes out of the finger?

w/ or w/out finger flashes - it just doesn't seem like the look will pull together correctly

i can see the thematic ideals, but the execution might not work out in the long run