What do you think about this start of a film? Any suggestions?

1. Sirens, cars on the road, voices, can be heard as we fade from black. The first thing we see is a clenched fist. In the background we see saw horses with police tape and red and blue lights are everywhere as the camera rides down the arm. The camera stops on a face but no defining features are revealed.

MAN 1
Only 17?

OFFICER
Yes Sir.

MAN 2
Well, this son of a ***** deserves this death. Sniffles, kicks body.

Instant black, opening credits role.

sounds lame and not interesting and cliched.

I'm a bit confused on some of what the script means. I have no idea what the "as the camera rides down the arm" is describing, and it's unclear whether "Sniffles, kicks body" is dialogue or actions. Also, unless I'm misreading what you're trying to say, I think there should be an "and" before "voices" in the first sentences and no comma after "voices". I understand overall that the first paragraph is describing a shot of a person, but I'm not sure how this person is supposed to be positioned or the relevance. All these little things are hindering me from giving full feedback on the entire peice, but from what is clear in the dialogue, it does seem like it would pull someone into the story.

Yeah, i'm a bit perplexed. I like the fist thing, but give us some insight as to what the story is about, because without any relevance, we can't say this a good beginning or not. It's like judging the quality of a tomato by only looking at the vine (or the small branch-thing) that holds it on the plant. give us some backstory.

Oh, sorry, some of the formatting is off, I copied and poasted it. The sniffles bit is action of course. The story is about a teen who finds out something he should not have and is attempted to be hushed.

Sounds like he was "hushed" pretty good!

Can I assume Man 1 and Man 2 are the same (if so, then they should have the same 'name'!).

Also if Man 2 - who kicks the body - is a policeman, then he wouldn't kick the body. Even if he was only moving the body with his foot - because he would have to protect the crime scene.

However, if he is some subversive character talking to a dirty cop - then that's ok!

Keep fledging it out and see where it takes you.

Good luck.

No, the two men are not the same people and yes, the cop is dirty, dirty dirty.

Good. Dirty times three is pretty bad!

I don't want to screw you up with suggestions or tell you how to write it, but I wouldn't make him "stereotypically" dirty. Meaning a bad cop at the beginning and bad at the end, with no complexities in his character.

Is he a bad cop for a good reason? Is he a bad cop because he's forced to? Is he a bad cop because he's an a$$? Why did he turn bad? Is he married? Does he beat his wife? Is he a drunk? What does he like to eat? These are some of the character questions that need to be asked to make him more than a one-dimensional character.

Since you've created the character, you should be able to sit down with him and "talk to him" and see how he reacts and answers certain questions. That will tell you alot about your characters.

I hope I didn't either confuse or appear condescending. Good luck with the script!

Hey, thanks for all the suggestions, but I am extremely obsessive when it comes to character traits and yes, the cop is indeed dirty for reasons and does stand a chnace for redemption.

Never tell the director how to direct in a script. Don't refer to the camera or what 'we' see. By all means point out details you feel are important, like the clenched fist, but it's up to the director to decide how to portray the scene. Even if you plan on directing it yourself, these sort of details can wait until you're storyboarding and you have a better idea of the whole story.
Other than this, I'd just reiterate what everyone else has said. It's difficult to judge such a small section of the script. I always find myself writing out parts of the script before I've fully finished the plot outline, and it's a bad habit to get into. You'll end up with a film that doesn't stand up well as a cohesive whole if you don't write it as a cohesive whole to begin with. Work out the entire plot. Develop your characters to a level of detail greater than is needed in the film. Work out each individual scene making sure that each scene develops the story. Then you are ready to start writing the actual script.

Shut up. Really.