The Mind-
I watched your film... I'll give you some honest thoughts and advice. First of all I'm guessing you're pretty young, try not to get defensive but "hear" what I'm saying.
Ok, I felt that the subject matter was very trivial. This may be compel ling to a younger audience but it's really not the type of project that is gonna get you the kudos you probably would like from people in LA. I mean to most of us people over the age of say 25, this story line is old news (nothing fresh about it). One thing I see too often in student films is a subject matter that is too age specific (meaning it feels too young). It would be in your best interest to really try and think bigger (or deeper), try to think of a story that isn't so close to what is happening so cl ose to home [if you know what I mean]. Honestly it comes across as immature, and that's not what you want. You don't want people to immediately jump to the conclusion that you are young. Maturity as a film maker comes with time and an effort to grow.... Y ou'll get there, but start thinking in this direction now!
About the film specifically: Really, don't even worry about shots at this point, what's lacking the most is an interesting story. There were a lot of things that didn't work on this level (shot s etc.) but it's really beside the point. One thing I suggest you do in your next piece is loose the non-stop music. Honestly, the music really does not fit what's happening visually (that's why having a good composer to 'follow' and 'emphasize' th e mood is so important). Focus on a script with dialogue, we need to hear something. As is it comes across as half done with music slapped over the top (trust me, you'll look back in three or four years and completely agree with what I'm saying to you n ow) Um? what else.... "The opening sequence" It was way too long for a short. If this was a feature the movie would be, like, 6 hours long? You gotta get to the point, don't waste precious story telling time with pointless long sequences. Look at it this way; you as a film maker are put into a position of "having to" impressing an audience with a well told interesting story, or you don't have a job. You need to be able to think from both perspectives to offer something that appeals to at least handful of people (you could call this an audience

). I have seen shorts that tell a HUGE amount of information and really draw you in, in the same amount of time. Films that really go deep into "Character Development".
For your next project; go to a part of yo ur city t hat you are not familiar with and try to find someone/thing interesting to base your film on. Just observe! Watch the people, get a sense of what their life is about.. Now expand on the idea... what could be underneath all of this? It's up to yo u! You wil l see the beginnings of a story form before your eyes, now go home and fill in the holes as you write the script. . This is just an example. But you gotta "think out side the box" as they say, you gotta "think outside YOUR box". Show us a story we haven't seen, use your imagination. You can make the most mundane situation fascinating...
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A few things to do & not as a younger film maker: (in no order of importance)
1) Don't write a script around guns
2) Don't not write a script
3) Don't do a film in bla ck and whi te (unless there is a specific reason)
4) Don't do a film based around high school
5) Don't do a film based around college
6) Don't do a film with gangsters
7) Try not to use friends and family as actors
8) Try to write a script out of your age range
9) T ry to write a script that isn't based on your surroundings (at all)
10) Don't do a film based around exploding blood packets
11) Don't hold a shot for ten years (it's a short not a feature)
12) Don't drag the opening credits out (g et to the point... or make a feature length)
13) Worry more about the script than the shot
14) Don't do a film with that uses the word f#ck more than 3 times
15) Be able to look at your film from an audience perspective (sure your grandma thinks you're a genius.... but are you getting too caught up in your editing tricks?)
16) If you're gonna do a comedy, make it funny
17) Don't get an ego till you have a deal and an agent (or two)
18) Listen to advice
19) Write... write... write... (this is the golden ticket... not editing skills)
20) Go make a great film.... something truly inspired and fresh!!!
[This message was edited by jay888 on February 27, 2003 at 07:57 PM.]