I wrote and produced this for an editing class that I was in a couple months back. I am just looking to expose it to more people and get some comments on it (what you like, what could be changed).

Thanks

Watch Here

The editing and the cinematography was spot on... the music was also surprisingly fitting for a student short.

Great Job.

Let me know what you think of mine...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CV_NdRO3GIM

looked great, and i really have to commend cinematography. I am always impressed with B&W DV(or HDV?). The editing was also quite good.

I have to ask though.....Why?


MistaQyou,
I liked your film quite a bit. Despite the weak production value, i thought that it was well written, and well acted, and generally thought provoking. good job. The ending was really good, and the way it was directed felt almost perfect to me.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Evan,

Thanks for the feedback...

"After the Beep" -- I thoroughly enjoyed it, great narration technique and the choice to use 16MM seemed to be the right one... gave it a nice mood... made me feel like I was hanging out in New Orleans once again...

MistaQyou,
I enjoyed watching this short. I though it was well written and acted. The ending also works very well as a closing to the piece.

Was this shot with two cameras and was all the audio done on site? The sound (with the dialogue) is really clear; just wondering if it was recorded on site with lav or boom mics or if you replaced it with studio audio in post.

Evan,

I like this short and thought was organized well. The tone of the piece is very evident from the beginning and you do a good job of foreshadowing what is going to happen in the end (with the ominous music and escalating voice messages). I also like the twist in the end. I just watched "Written on the Wind" yesterday and your piece reminded me a lot of that (as far as the twist goes and how the film opens).

The only thing I would suggest is to develop the character more before he kills the girl. It seems as if the action jumps a little too quickly from just being crazy and possibly jealous to becoming a murderer. That is hard to do in a piece this short but it seems as if he goes from a normal person to a murderer too quickly.

Just as an example, in “Written on the Wind” – though this is feature length – the man turns into a killer because he has an alcohol problem. The alcohol brings out his true feelings and show that deep down he was always a crazy, we just didn’t see it till the end. So I'm not sure how exactly you would accomplish it, but maybe consider developing the character a little more and possibly give him more of a motive or reason to get to the point of murdering someone.

Good ideas though, I liked the style the piece was done in as well as the general storyline.

Thanks for the comments on my short as well. I think I should probably preface the film as being fairly abstract with no written story line. You may be able to extrapolate a story or experience out of it, but one was not specifically written. It is more of an experiment with a dream sequence and how You feel when you are in a dream, and what happens when you realize that you are dreaming.

Jon M,

To answer your previous question about the campfire scene: We used a boom mic to record the audio, and two cameras running simultaneously...
They were XL2 cameras.

For some reason the video is blown out on YOUTUBE, however, I'm glad you enjoyed it regardless...